Around this time last week, we gave the fickle Republican base voters 10 days to start getting over this Herman Cain thing and commence with the "Gingrich Surge," "Newtmentum," "The Newtening," "Fat Head Makes Good" — whatever you prefer. With three days to go, it looks like they're complying. We were just screwing around. Oops!

Three months ago, new images of a skeletal Somali baby named Minhaj Gedi Farah shocked the world. When taken by the International Rescue Committee from Dadaab, the world's largest refugee camp and a severe famine zone, to a safer and better-equipped camp in neighboring Kenya, the seven-month-old weighed just 7 pounds. Minhaj's condition was so severe, he instantly became "the face of famine." Minhaj was given three blood transfusions and put on an intensive feeding regimen with Plumpynut, a fortified peanut paste, and now weighs a healthy 18 pounds and is crawling. Look at those chubby cheeks!

Lefty protesters have scored another (temporary) victory: The Obama administration has decided to delay its decision on building the Keystone XL pipeline until, most likely, after the next election.

Both of Pennsylvania's senators have rescinded ex-Penn State football coach Joe Paterno's nomination for the Presidential Medal of Freedom, which they'd only recently submitted. Expect hordes of dumb Penn State students to light the senators' houses on fire now.

President Obama's "body man," basketball buddy, and gatekeeper, Reggie Love, will leave the White House by year's end. Love has been working for Obama since his time in the Senate. Who will be Obama's next special friend? Maybe you!

It's times like this—when a "hero" beloved for not-quite-justified reasons meets a scandalous end, and college kids start rioting in the streets over sports, not social justice—when we, as a nation, need to sit back, take a deep collective breath, and ask ourselves: "Can you imagine if everyone involved in this thing were black?"

Glorious American capitalism has advanced so much in the past year that the traditional "Black Friday" day of shopping hell has now become "Black Midnight," in which major big box retailers open their doors on the first, dark minute of the day after Thanksgiving, so that your time in pre-Christmas retail torment may be prolonged as much as possible. Target's doing it. Best Buy's doing it. But... but what about Wal-Mart?

Canadian researchers have been studying a 22-year-old woman and lifelong amnesiac who can't remember the faces of anyone unfamiliar or non-famous. Show her a photo of baby-voiced celebutante Paris Hilton, however, and she has almost no trouble identifying who it is. Paris Hilton's face will not be stopped.

As News Corp deputy CEO James Murdoch prepares to make his second appearance before Parliament on Thursday, here's what you need to know about his testimony over the News Of The World phone hacking scandal.

The presidential candidates have come to Michigan, to do a slick pagan money-sucking dance on CNBC in front of the citizens of one of the more screwed states in the country. It should be great! Oh, and now Tea Party patriarch Rick Santelli will be there, asking questions. Oof. So put some dollar bills in your collar, down a jug of Blue Label, and let's kill some poors — together.

Let's call it the Rich Uncle Pennybags debate. Tonight, Our Losers will square off in their first presidential debate in weeks, hosted by CNBC. It promises to be a banner night for plutocrats, and is intended to focus entirely on economic issues — specifically, how to stop the War on Wealth. What horrors await?

Thanks to one silly little word by Brett Ratner and what was shaping up to be the worst Oscars ever are no more. With Ratner out as producer and Eddie Murphy stepping down as host, the Academy is starting from scratch.

The Beverly Hills mansion where Michael Jackson took his last breath is up for sale. All of the spookily preserved pieces inside (including his death bed) are to be auctioned off next week.

It's time to play Match the Quote with the Political Sex Scandal! Why? Well, why not? The rules are complex, but surely you all can figure it out: You match the name of a political figure involved in a sex(ual harassment) scandal with one of his quotes from the time! See? I knew you could figure it out.

As Russian authorities try to identify 29 mummified women "dressed as life-sized dolls" in the home of accused graverobber Anatoly Moskvin, the press is having a field day.

In your sunny Wednesday media column: News Corp's Australian head departs, James Murdoch goes back to Parliament, a newspaper CEO sees the light, Univision is massive, and Newark Politico vs The Politico.

The most amusing things of all about the New York Observer are its comically repellent house editorials, which are dictated from on high by owner and Donald Trump family member Jared Kushner and are always, always hilariously right-wing in a way that stands out from the rest of the paper's content like a Trump in Zucotti Park.

Drake isn't having a great week. That newfangled Internet machine he trusted sputtered out and leaked his album all over the Internet. Drake got his Internet period during gym class on the day he wore his brand new white pants, and oh, how the cruel girls do taunt!

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, the man who's kept his job despite constant sex scandals, sex trials, and other criminal charges over the last couple of years, appears to have finally been ousted by the only people who matter in this world: creditors.

In your truculent Tuesday media column: Sam Zell gets a nice ruling, more News of the World P.I. revelations, journalism punditry debated, The New Yorker hires a creative director, and a marriage proposal makes the paper.