The New York Daily News busted a Mets executive for repeatedly losing his temper, and today the Mets fired the guy. Case closed right? Except the Daily News reporter is being accused of making a play for the executive's job.

Lilly the five-legged puppy was born to be a star. But some misguided "dog lover" types are determined to see to it that she never achieves her Freak Show career dream! You monsters.

Federal prosecutors unveiled a mammoth corruption and money-laundering investigation in New Jersey today, arresting 44 people, including the mayors of Hoboken, Secaucus, and Ridgefield; two assemblymen; and five rabbis. Also some guy who's been selling human kidneys for ten years.

Media law is boring. Not in South Korea! The National Assembly passed a long-awaited reform bill to privatize the media over there today, but only after brawling, screaming, and storming the podium. Pay attention, Republicans:

Bernie Madoff is going to be serving his til-death sentence at Butner Federal Prison in North Carolina. Why there? Nobody knows, really! But it won't be so bad for Bernie—he'll have landscaping, environmentalism, and a hospital bed.

For three years, Twitter made no money. But the microblogging company will supposedly be taking in more than $1 million per month by the end of this year and twenty times that much in 2010. Ah, the miracle of spreadsheets.

Frank McCourt, the voluble Irish-American memoirist and retired New York City schoolteacher who wrote Angela's Ashes, is on his deathbed, according to the Belfast Telegraph.

Barry Diller is cornering guys in the bushes, Harvey Weinstein is "stress eating" and Tom Freston's wife is letting it all hang loose. Here's a gallery of the summer fun you're missing at Allen & Co.'s annual Sun Valley schmoozefest.

MSNBC's Contessa Brewer devoted a segment this morning to divining the numerological mystery that was—is?—Michael Jackson. His first and last names each have seven letters, for instance. And behold, people—"seven is, like, the number of G-d."

Ruth Madoff is getting her passport back, so that she may—if she's smart—flee this country for an isolated life far, far away. Our poll of public sympathy for her did not come back with encouraging results:

Police in North Carolina have shot and killed the man they believe is the serial killer responsible for five murders in South Carolina in the past week.

The bankrupt Tribune Co. has finally reached a deal to sell the Chicago Cubs, reportedly for close to $900 million. Only, ah, $11 billion more until Sam Zell has that debt knocked out! [Pic: AP]

Ruth Madoff—loyal, pampered, tight-lipped wife of the single worst financial criminal in American history—seems to be unpopular. But why?? Is it feminist backlash? Anti-feminist backlash? Or, uh, something else? Poll and analysis below!

Bernie Madoff will rot in jail, but Ruth Madoff—his constant companion—didn't do anything criminal and won't be charged, the Feds say. Though she does still face social ostracism in Palm Beach. So.

U.S. troops have completed their withdrawal from major Iraqi cities, which is both awesome and terrifying. Iraqis are both celebrating and hiding in their basements, and the day has been marked by eerie calm and violence. Any questions?

Matt Drudge reports exclusively this morning that President Barack Obama has been employing an African witch-doctor technique known as the "evil eye" in order to impose socialism on hard-working white Americans.

Lost in the glee over Bernie Madoff's prison sentence is this: What will become of poor Ruth Madoff? She's stalked by paparazzi; rejected by landlords; and left with a mere $2.5 million. Here, Dear Ruth, is your road to redemption.

Part elephant and part panda, a group of elephandas, the most menacing of beasts, has been unleashed onto the good people of Thailand.

Argentinian news sources have outed Gov. Mark Sanford's mistress as María Belén Chapur—some are spelling her last name "Shapur"—a 43-year-old agribusiness executive. According to reports, there are camera crews staking our her apartment right now.

It turns out Mark Sanford's full confession and apology today wasn't as heartfelt as it seemed: The South Carolina governor had just been informed The State newspaper would publish his mistress emails, its reporter tells us.