The White House implied to a Senate candidate in Colorado that there were jobs for him if he dropped out of the race. Is this the new Sestak scandal? Yes, if by "Sestak scandal" you mean "totally normal thing."

Yet another man has come forward to allege he had an affair with South Carolina Tea Party candidate for governor Nikki Haley (pictured, with pal Sarah). This guy was a lobbyist with Haley's rival. Best dirty trick ever?

George W. Bush, still unclear on this whole "eighth amendment" thing, told a crowd in Michigan that his administration waterboarded 9/11 plotter Khalid Sheik Mohammed, and he would do so again "to save lives." [Guardian]

Mark Zuckerberg, the 26-year-old CEO of Facebook, was publicly interviewed on Wednesday at the D8 tech conference. How'd he do? Apparently, he got so nervous and sweaty answering questions about privacy that he had to take his trademark hoodie off.

What is happening in our inexplicably awful and violent world today? Well there was another stabbing rampage in China, of course—this one on a train. It was unspeakably nightmarish! That was just for starters.

Cancun Mayor Gregorio Sanchez was forced to withdraw his candidacy for governor of the state of Quintana Roo after being arrested on organized crime charges and accused of protecting drug gangs. Bloomberg doesn't seem so bad now, does he? [AP]

Nerd circles were abuzz today with rumors that Betelgeuse (pictured), a nearby star in the constellation Orion, is only a few weeks from supernova. Which would be so cool. Alas: Betelgeuse is "almost certainly" not going anywhere... for now. [Discover]

The White House cancelled President Obama's Memorial Day speech at Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery in Chicago due to "heavy rain" and "lightning." Possible right-wing talking point: The ghosts of American soldiers refused to be memorialized by a Kenyan Muslim. [ABC]

So, "top kill," BP's last-ditch effort to seal up their oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, has failed. Now that our best chance for stopping the leak didn't work, what's next? And what sexy nickname will it have?

President Obama gave a press conference, just to make sure everyone knows that he's really mad at BP for spilling all that oil and saying, "it is my job to make sure that everything is done to shut this down."

Ken Starr—a famous investment adviser with a long list of celebrity clients, not the Clinton prosecutor—was arrested this morning and charged with running a Ponzi scheme. Also arrested: former NYC Council president Andrew Stein. Big scandal's afoot! [Updated]

The Chinese workers who build Apple products keep killing themselves, so their employer has asked them to sign a pledge they won't commit suicide. The actual document is after the jump.

The Alaotra grebe, a rare Malagasy bird, has been driven to extinction thanks to poaching and the introduction of nonnative species of carnivorous fish. Humanity, 190, birds, zero. [BBC]

Journalist Joe McGinniss is writing a book about former Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin. He's also renting the property next door. Can you guess how Palin responded in her inevitable Facebook annoucement? That's right: Passive-aggressively.

Super Bowl XLVIII will be at the new, open-air Meadowlands Stadium in New Jersey. Way to ruin it for everyone, NFL. Now the big game will be about frostbite instead of leeching off an expense account in a warm climate.

New York cops are "livid" as well as "furious" at a proposed new bill that would require them to shoot to "stop" a suspect, rather than to kill. Wha...wha...what are cops, trained snipers? Listen to this outrageous libtard fantasy law:

In September 2001, miscarriages for male fetuses rose 12% over the average across the country, possibly due to "communal bereavement" and stress over the World Trade Center attacks. There is basically nothing that 9/11 didn't just utterly mess up. [NYDN]

Jailed for the 2003 murder of blonde starlet Lana Clarkson, Phil Spector's heart continues to sing. His final muse: blonde starlet wife Rachelle Spector, whose debut album Phil apparently produced, from prison.

We just watched Lindsay Lohan's court appearance and the judge ordered her to cut out the booze, appear for random drug testing, and wear an ugly SCRAM bracelet. And she has to return to court again.

America's Future First Family, The Palins, are whiling away their time up in Wasilla, Alaska, as usual. Sarah's counting her speaking money; Bristol's counting her speaking money; and Todd—well, Todd's just there to intimidate the reporters.