Adolf Hitler is enjoying a surge of popularity in India, where a movie is in production, his autobiography is doing brisk sales and the genocidal dictator is "idolized and admired, mostly by the young." Wait, what?

Has the world's most famous polar bear gone the way of Britney Spears, a mentally-addled trainwreck of an aging child star? Berlin Zoo's Knut "suffers from panic attacks and 'sways to and fro' in an abnormal manner," says one scientist.

Page Six is flogging a rumor that America's Got Talent judge (and actual journalist) Piers Morgan will take over for CNN's ratings-plagued Larry King in October. We really want the guy to retire, but can't we do better than Piers?

Chicago mayor Richard Daley harangued anti-Wal-Mart reporters: "You accept it there because most of you live in the suburbs, right?..But you will question it here in the city of Chicago." Then he stuck a gun up their butts. Well—mentally.

Our favorite almost-nude-posing babydaddy Levi Johnston and our least favorite teenage mom turned abstinence advocate Bristol Palin are supposedly a couple again. We're a little dubious, mostly because we want so much more for our beloved Levi. [Us, photo]

Laurence Sunderland, the father of teenage sailor Abby Sunderland, who almost got lost at sea trying to sail around the world by herself, had a reality show in production the whole time. Is it called Balloon Boy: The Sequel? [AP

The Way We Live Now: Rejoicing, for we are saved. Untold riches have been deposited under our very feet by god Himself! Now if god can just fix up every other fucking thing that's shot to hell, we'll be...better.

Jimmy Dean, the musician and founder of the Jimmy Dean line of breakfast products, died on Sunday at age 81. To commemorate the entrepreneur's passing, let's look back on his company's wondrous inventions. Like "Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick."

[Joe Biden watches this morning's World Cup opening match between host South Africa and Mexico from his VIP booth, trying to figure out what the hell this "soccer" nonsense is anyway. Image via AP.]

Baghdad, a city of 7 million, is overrun with 1.25 million stray dogs that live in feral packs and terrorize children. Now that Baghdad's feral human problem is (relatively) under control, authorities are going after dogs with shotguns and poison.

[A clown in El Salvador protests bandits dressing up like clowns to rob and kill people by spitting a huge ball of fire into the air. Image via AP]

In your absurd Thursday media column: the oil spill drives reporters to attempt insane feats, Peter Shankman makes an insane pile of money, and a WaPo reporter's insane book party. Insanity!

Less than 1 percent of oil-soaked birds survive. Now that the gulf is awash in oil, what do we do with this epidemic of slowly suffering wildlife? We've reached the point that mass euthanasia may be the kindest option.

There's another leak in the Gulf of Mexico. And it's supposedly been going on since April. It's unrelated to the BP spill; it's coming from another rig off the coast of Louisiana. But a 10 mile-long slick is now visible.

So much has changed since Sarah Palin was governor. She raised a baby; her baby raised a baby; she made millions of dollars on a book. And at the Belmont Stakes this weekend, something else looked a little, um, new.

In your standoffish Tuesday media column: Robert Thomson is talking trash nonstop, Michael Isikoff's liberal bias exposed, CNN is giving up on news, Good Morning America goes into the magic business, and shameless Onion regurgitation of the day.

[A sign in Gulf Shores, Alabama warns beachgoers to stay out of the water unless they want to come out wearing the byproducts of the BP oil spill off the coast. Image via AP]

Recently arrested Natalee Holloway murder suspect Joran van der Sloot, being held in Peru on a separate murder charge, was stabbed in effigy by seven Indian shamans as a "spiritual punishment" outside police headquarters in Lima today. [AP]

[A bird sails over the oil slick at East Grand Terre Island off the coast of Louisiana today. Photo via AP.]

Bill Clinton rescued Laura Ling from North Korean imprisonment; now, Laura Ling is naming her baby after Bill Clinton. He's not the dad. Okay? Seriously. We knew this was coming as soon as we saw this picture, though. [Pic: AP]