When Arsenio Hall lost his talk show in 1994, [Regan] campaigned for the slot. "When (a Fox executive) finally told her she wasn't getting the job, we all heard her screaming in her office. 'You know why? Because he has a small dick, and he's afraid I'm going to eat it. And then I'm gonna eat his testicles. Then I'm going to eat into his body cavity ...
The police investigation into the suspicious death of actor Matt Blanco, who fell to his death outside a London apartment building after an altercation with world's crackiest crackhead Pete Doherty, is ongoing. Blanco's sister, who has publicly wondered why Doherty fled the crime scene, told the Independent: "We're finding it very difficult to do any grieving as we're so busy trying to find out the truth. We want to know what happened that night. This is not about us assigning blame on a pseudo-celebrity. We just want the truth."
News today comes of a publishing scandal that's just as icky, in its own way, as the whole OJ kerfluffle. (Just trust us on this one, okay?) The people who run the Sobol Award — a highly shady contest for unpublished, unagented writers with a hefty $85 entrance fee — have made a deal with Simon & Schuster imprint Touchstone to publish the three Sobol winners' books, for $100K for World rights or $50K for North American only. The Sobol people will also "represent" the "winning" authors in these deals, meaning that they'll cadge 15% of these advances. Seems kind of okay, and kind of boring, right? Well, it's actually not normal and totally wrong. We're all out of righteous indignation for the day, so we'll let Galleycat explain why this sucks — it's their thing, anyway:
On Larry King last night, ex- NJ governor Jim McGreevey's onetime aide and (according to McGreevey) partner in ecstatic man-love Golan Cipel again refuted claims that he'd been anything but a sexual harassee to McG. But he also leveled a shocking accusation: that "Gay American" McGreevey isn't even a homo (though he covered his bases by copping to notion that McGreevey might be "bi.")
File under "Headlines we never thought we'd see:"
Remember that New York Press cover story from four months ago? That we made fun of? Well, the AP sure doesn't. Yesterday, they broke the news that many New Yorkers get their weed, not from shifty-looking Rastas in Washington Square Park, but from "drug rings that operate with remarkable corporate-style attention to customer satisfaction." We'd ignore this article, or nominate it ourselves for GMiJ, but there was one standout detail that we just had to share:
On Tuesday, the Associated Press ran an obituary for Paul Vance, who co-wrote the 1960s song "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini." Alas (for the AP, anyhow), Vance is alive and well. The organization had picked up Vance's obit from a New Danbury, Connecticut newspaper which had reported the death of Paul Van Valkenburgh, who had long claimed to be the song's writer, having penned the tune under the name Paul Vance. Van Valkenburgh, of course, had been lying to his wife and family for years; the real Paul Vance is considering legal action, fearing that he'll stop receiving royalties if people think he's dead. Meanwhile, Van Valkenburgh's wife is probably a little confused over whether or not she should be mourning anymore. And as for the Associated Press? They're looking into this "factchecking" thing they keep hearing about.
Insert your own "he can dish it out, but he can't take it" joke here.
And yet he keeps pushing for a gay-marriage ban.
The guts, the glory, the silent consonants: nothing compares to the bloodthirsty competition of a spelling bee. Last night the Scripps National Spelling Bee had its first primetime, live airing on ABC, and New Jersey's 13-year-old Katharine Close took home the dorkily awesome crown. Her winning word was "ursprache," beating out 14-year-old Finola Hackett, a Canadian girl who blew it all on "weltschmerz." Stupid girl, but that's justice — this is our national spelling bee. Get your own, America Jr.
Linked from the Times homepage this morning:
Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, on the other hand, prefers to focus on the positive developments.
• As Fairchild is integrated into Conde Nast, portraits of the Fairchilds go, a fancy cafeteria arrives, and garlic is banned. [NYO]
• Absolute mag might live again, that to Realtor William B. May. At the very least, the already-completed next issue will be distributed. Oh, and that trademark thing the Post was all worried about last week? Not a big deal, May says. [NYP (second item)]
• ABC's Bob Woodruff still has a face for TV, his brother reports. The talking for TV? Less so. [NYDN]
• Judy Miller admits she was wrong! OK, the other Judy Miller, and about moving to New York. [Romenesko]
• Maer Roshan delays your plane. [Media Mob/NYO]
Don't worry, Matt. If we find out where they moved them, you'll be the first one we let know.
• Set your DVRs: Fake Writer James Frey and his very real publisher are going on Oprah tomorrow (OPRAH! OHMAGAH! YOU ARE SUUUUCH AN INSPIRATION!) to discuss the controversy surrounding A Million Little Pieces. Over/under on the likelihood that Dr. Phil comes out to talk to Frey about his honesty issues: 40 percent. [Oprah]
• GarbageScout uses Google Maps and cell phone technology to, uh, help you find good garbage. For the brave, this is great for scavenging furniture. For the pervy, it's an excellent tool for finding dirty underwear. [GarbageScout]
• We were in a green room with Bernard Henri-Levy once. He sat screamed en francais on his cell phone the entire time while we tried to enjoy the cheese plate. That being said, we don't intend to read his new book. [Boston Globe]
• The AP keeps some 1,000 pre-written obits on hand. What we wouldn't give to read Paris Hilton's... [E&P]
• Speaking of the Little Skankbot That Could, how can Paris Hilton's lawyers honestly ask for an assessment of Zeta Graff's mental condition? Did they not see how their own client performed on the stand? [CourtTV]
• To be clear, we are NOT making fun of this young girl's Bat Mitzvah or her excitement over reading the Torah. We're happy for her, because she's got her own URL and, even if you weren't cool enough to get invited to her party, you can still download her Bat Mitzvah desktop wallpaper. And the music video. [Jessie's Bat Mitzvah]
Some late-breaking but very important MLK news moved on the AP wire last night, and we feel we must interrupt our regular, post-MLK Day programming to bring it to you:
While the MTA and TWU kick one another in the shins and the rest of New York does its frozen crawl into work, we're happy to report that at least one union has settled its contract issues. The Associated Press and the News Media Guild has tentatively come to an agreement on new contracts, which would raise salaries and eliminate a mere 100 positions in the technical workforce. You win some, you lose some.
The AP discovers today that real estate is expensive:
This article, we'd like to note, was not written by Alessandra Stanley. In fact, it's an AP item — it's comforting to know the Times just throws that shit up there without giving it a once-over first.
Despite a last-minute rally yesterday in Washington Square Park and the best efforts of Steve Van Zandt and Public Enemy, legendary punk club CBGB's is no more. The building's landlord, the Bowery Resident's Committee, has decided not to renew the venue's lease, which expired at midnight (the tenants, rest assured, will hold on to their keys while they fight the issue in court). During yesterday's last-ditch attempt to keep the landmark alive, supporters expressed doubts:
