George Clooney won't let Kanye be in his telethon, Kanye ruins everything. Tara Reid gets engaged to a mysterious "billionaire." Michael Lohan abandons a puppy. Diddy's kid turns Super Sweet 16 on MTV. Thursday gossip has daddy issues.

• Remember the dust-up a couple of weeks ago when it was reported that Beyoncé had performed for the son of Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafi in St. Bart's on New Year's Eve? Photos of the concert have now surfaced, although the worst thing about them may be how Beyoncé looks like she's the headliner at a tacky club in New Jersey. [DM]
• Is Bethenny Frankel trying to pull a Star Jones? It seems Frankel has been approaching vendors and asking them to "sponsor" her wedding: She'd get their services gratis and, in exchange, they'd get a mention on her upcoming reality show, Bethenny's Getting Married. The only problem with Bethenny's grand scheme? She hasn't had much luck finding companies interested in taking part. [NYDN]
• Here's a great idea: David Letterman has reportedly invited Conan O'Brien to appear as a guest on his show. Cross your fingers! [PopEater]
• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have not broken up, in case you were concerned. According to friends, he'd committed to working on a film in Wyoming, which is is why he didn't climb Mt. Kilimanjaro alongside Biel. It's not because he didn't want to, say, spend a week living with the love of his life in a tent. He would have totally done it if he could have. Really. [P6]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie donated $1 million yesterday to Doctors Without Borders to fund emergency medical operations in Haiti. As for whether Tiger Woods really paid to send a plane full of medical supplies to the devastated nation, that's a (pretty unlikely) story that Russell Simmons has been circulating, though Tiger's reps have yet to confirm it. But it wouldn't be the worst way to begin rebuilding his image, come to think of it. [Us, TMZ]

• This is going to come as a big shock to you, we're sure, but it seems Alex Rodriguez has been hooking up with several women since splitting up with Kate Hudson. A-Rod also "keeps bragging that Madonna is still texting him all the time," although for Madonna's sake, let's hope that isn't true. [P6]
• Angelina Jolie has been dropped as the face of the clothing brand St. John in favor of red-headed model (and the wife of Jack White) Karen Elson. Why the change? It seems St. John concluded that Jolie was too famous and had "overshadowed the brand." [NYDN]
• Related: Did Brad Pitt deal weed in college? No, but he kind of looks like he may have what with that scraggly beard he's been sporting recently. [NYP]
• Usher had more than $1 million in jewelry, furs, and electronics stolen from his SUV in mid-December. Exactly why he had all this stuff stored in his car of all places—and why he only noticed now—is unclear. [TMZ]
• Tila Tequila was set to be interviewed on Larry King Live, but CNN yanked the "Casey Johnson tribute" at the last minute. Did the network realize giving a mentally-ill publicity addict was a bad idea? (Unlikely; the Balloon Boy dad was a guest the other night.) Maybe CNN worried about getting sued? Who knows, but you can always go to Twitter (where she's tweeted about Johnson's death more than 160 times over the past week), or go to People's website for your "Tila Tequila exclusive interview," if you must. [TMZ, E!, People]

Let's start a bunch of rumors about why she got canned. Diva? Pregnant? Meanwhile, A-Rod ignores Madonna, wedding bells for Prince William, and Kate Gosselin's new extensions hurt her scalp. Tuesday gossip is where we belong.

When you go crawling back to the ex you moulded in the shape of another ex who wouldn't take you back, it's time for readjusting, not a wedding. Sharon Stone joins Law & Order: SVU, A-Rod hooks up. Gossip!

• Kate Hudson was supposedly holding out hope that she and Alex Rodriguez would reunite one day soon. But it looks like it may be time for Kate to let the dream die. A-Rod's new flame is a "gorgeous blonde" who he met at a gym in Miami. [P6]
• In happier celebrity couple news—and after months of schmoopy public displays of affection—Katy Perry and Russell Brand are now engaged. Brand reportedly proposed while in vacation in India, a trip they decided to take after Perry expressed her love for "Indian culture while they were eating curry." [Us]
• An autopsy has been performed on Casey Johnson, the socialite and pharma heiress who was discovered dead on Monday. There weren't any signs of trauma, but more should be revealed when toxicology tests are completed. In the meantime, friends of Johnson report she went into a diabetic coma on several occasions over the past year, "spent the last months of her life in a suicidal drug haze," and had been living in squalor up until her death, since her family had cut her off. Speaking of the Johnson clan, they're planning to have a private funeral for Casey later this week. [TMZ, NYP, NYDN, People]
• In other Johnson news, she was dealing with a long list of legal problems when she died, including a lawsuit by Porsche (for failing to keep up with her car payments), and another suit by a nanny service (which claimed it was owed money). As for fame addict Tila Tequila, her alleged fiancée, she's been busy posting to Twitter, recounting the "haunting visions" she's been having of Johnson and how they "made such a lovely couple." [TMZ, NYP, Us]

• Is Tiger Woods in New York right now? Did he settle with his estranged wife by handing her a check for $300 million? In two pretty dubious stories now making the rounds, a friend of Elin Nordegren says Woods' scorned wife—who spent the holiday weekend at a French ski resort—has been telling pals she got a $300 million gift for Christmas from her estranged husband. Meanwhile, rumors also surfaced that Woods was spending the weekend holed up at New York's Trump International Hotel, where he ordered huge amounts of Red Bull and vodka and was accompanied by a "leggy blond." Alas, the paparazzi camped out outside the hotel never caught a glimpse of him and the hotel staff denied Woods was ever there. [NYDN, NYP]
• Down in St. Barts, Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich made it rain by hosting a $5 million New Year's Eve party at his $90 million estate. Beyoncé, Gwen Stefani and Prince all performed at the shindig, and the Russian mogul's party—along with fetes hosted by Larry Gagosian and Paul Allen—attracted a long list of boldface names to the island, including Jay-Z, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr, Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone, Rachel Zoe, Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman, and Russell Simmons. For her part, Lindsay Lohan spent much of the weekend aboard Abramovich's boat, where she was seen jet-skiing and shopping in a teeny bikini and ginormous wedge heels. She also sent out a rather ominous tweet on New Year's Eve: "Everyone get ready for more (but positive—LOHAN MAYHEM!!!" Sigh. [NYP, People, DM]
• According to Peter Biskind's new biography of Warren Beatty—and some "simple arithmetic" on the part of Biskind—the actor has bedded 12,775 women during his lifetime. Annette Bening must be so proud. [NYP]

As the Sheen-Mueller cycle of violence rounds another bend, we have no choice but to end the year depressingly. Tracy Morgan buys lube, Kate Hudson goes "psycho," Jonases contemplate break-up. Should auld gossip be forgot: Thursday gossip lang syne.

The years from 2000 to 2009 were unified by fakeness — high-profile charlatans penetrated virtually every area of life (as Frank Rich also pointed out). From fake celebrities to fake journalists, here's a top ten of our favourite* frauds.

• It's still unclear what caused Brittany Murphy's death in Los Angeles yesterday morning. While the coroner has indicated the 32-year-old actress appears to have died from "natural causes," it's been reported that lots of prescription drug bottles were uncovered by cops at the scene, and some friends say they'd grown increasingly concerned that she was abusing painkillers. An autopsy is planned for today or tomorrow, but an official cause of death may take a couple of weeks, pending the results of toxicology tests. [NYP, TMZ, People, Sun]
• Murphy's death has put the spotlight on her husband, sketchy 39-year-old screenwriter Simon Monjack, who married Murphy in 2007. [NYDN]
• Tiger Woods set sail on his 155-foot yacht Privacy on Saturday accompanied by a bunch of friends. Where he's going is anybody's guess, although considering the boat has a range of 4,000 miles, it could be anywhere. As for his estranged wife, Elin Nordegren, now that she's retained a divorce lawyer, she's reportedly gearing up to ask for full custody of their two kids and half of his fortune, which has been estimated at $600 million. [NYP, People]

• A-Rod dumpee Kate Hudson was "consoled" by fellow Rodriguez ex Madonna at the premiere of Nine on Tuesday night. As for A-Rod, he was spotted in Miami yesterday, where he supposedly made the moves on a blonde at a restaurant but came up short. There's hope for A-Rod and Kate yet, though. The two have reportedly been speaking on the phone this week, and Hudson is still hoping they can patch things up. [P6, NYDN]
• A car that Anne Hathaway was riding in struck a cyclist in LA yesterday. Thankfully, Anne emerged unscathed. But ever the good girl, she hopped out of the car to tend to the biker and was photographed looking concerned. [TMZ, People]
• Today in Tiger: Elin Nordegren has supposedly made up her mind that she's leaving him, and has been shopping for divorce attorneys before she plans to head to Sweden for Christmas; Woods' high school girlfriend is now blaming the whole mess on Tiger's father, who may have been a serial cheater; Jessica Simpson is denying reports she ever hooked up with the golfer; and as for Tiger himself, he's supposedly spent the past few days holed up at home where he spends his time eating cereal, watching cartoons, and feeling depressed.

Kate Hudson was on Oprah today to promote Nine. This show was without a doubt pre-recorded, because Oprah demands Kate discuss her relationship with A-Rod. Most likely while he was cheating on her. Awkward!

• A "bone-thin" Elin Nordegren moved a big bunch of belongings out of the Florida mansion she shares (shared?) with Tiger Woods yesterday; she's supposedly headed "somewhere warm" for Christmas. As for Tiger, it seems he's going to spend Christmas with "the boys." Maybe Rachel Uchitel will stop by for a visit? According to tabloid reports, Tiger is still in contact with Mistress No. 1, and is hoping to squeeze a little time to get together. [NYP, NYDN, People, Us]
• Lindsay Lohan may have to put off any more trips to rescue exploited children living in Third World countries. A judge has ordered her to start attending her alcohol education program classes "every single week" because, well, "it's been long enough." [Us]
• Why did Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson break up? According to a highly dubious story that one of the slugger's pals has been telling the tabloids, it was because Hudson wanted to be on camera when she sat in the stands at Yankee Stadium, whereas A-Rod really wanted someone "more interested in building a long-term relationship than just building their profile." [Us]
• As for Hudson, she's dealing with the split from A-Rod by spending some quality time with her movie star parents, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Goldie turned up as Kate's date to the Nine premiere last night. [HL, DM]

Elin eyes an alternate source of revenue, A-Rod dumped K-Hud for being a famewhore, Tiger paparazzi pics are at a premium, Courtney Love fights with Perez. Wednesday gossip may look like a gun, but it is really a telescope.

This time it's not because she's high, just that Frances Bean prefers her granny. Also: Rihanna takes her top off, A-Rod and Kate Hate maybe-split, Kourtney Kardashian wolfs tunafish after childbirth. ¡Vamanos a Tuesday gossip!

It was only last week that Alex Rodriguez gave Kate Hudson a "$39,000 white-gold ring set with pink sapphires and diamonds" as a way of thanking her "for her support during the World Series." But maybe it was a parting gift? Hollywood Life is reporting this afternoon that Rodriguez and Hudson have split up. [HollywoodLife.com]

Among the celebrity weeklies' many scientific contributions, none is more entertaining than the "body language expert" who can divine deep interpersonal details from one single photograph. Let's apply this rigorous method to New York City's romantic royalty.

In the world of celebrities, socialites, and reality stars, relationships are more often "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" than "long-term." That's to be expected, of course. Think of all the temptations when countless other beautiful people are around! To size up the potential of a handful of newer and more high-profile couples on the New York City scene, we turned to Patti Wood, the "Babe Ruth of body language experts" who has evaluated unspoken signals for hundreds of media outlets over the years. Join us below as Wood breaks down which twosomes are destined for eternal bliss—and which are bound for a break-up.

• Nic Cage has been having some money troubles as of late and he recently sued his business manager for allegedly mishandling his finances. Now the manager is striking back. He's filed a countersuit against Cage and claims the actor is an out-of-control spender who, in just the last few years, has picked 15 different homes around the world, 22 cars (including 9 Rolls-Royces), four yachts, a jet, and a Caribbean island. Oh, and Cage also blew a fortune by constantly hosting "Gatsby-style parties at his residences." [WSJ]
• Paris Hilton's plan to remake her image and position herself as more "mature" isn't off to a very good start. The cops had to be called to her house in LA last night after she and boyfriend Doug Reinhardt had a nasty fight. [TMZ]
• Wannabe reality TV star Tinsley Mortimer and "wannabe socialite" Devorah Rose got into "a fight" the other night. Fortunately, two cameras were rolling the entire time, so you'll get to see it yourself in about 6 months. [P6]
• The co-owner of Table 8 at the Cooper Square Hotel is under suspicion for secretly giving his girlfriend a drug to force her to have an abortion and may soon be charged with killing the couple's unborn child. Grim. [NYDN]
• Charlie Gibson claims he has "tremendous respect" for his ABC colleague Diane Sawyer, but he supposedly "badmouths her openly and often" behind the scenes. An ABC spokeswoman called the claims "bullsh*t," while a less excitable Gibson said it was all "just silly." [P6]

Halle Berry walking downtown with a friend yesterday ... a grumpy-looking Ron Perelman leaving Bar Pitti on Sunday... Alex Rodriguez walking to lunch at Da Silvano ... Mary-Kate Olsen getting coffee with Nate Lowman in Tribeca ... Phoebe Cates getting breakfast with a friend yesterday at Yura on Madison Avenue ... Nicole Kidman walking on Park Avenue ... Naomi Watts shopping at Lilliput on Lafayette Street ... Chaz Bono arriving at JFK ... Julianne Moore and Bart Freundlich walking with their daughter and dog in the West Village ... Taylor Momsen filming scenes for Gossip Girl ... Hugh Jackman bowling with his kids at Lucky Strike on Sunday alongside Vincent D'Onofrio and his son ... Luke Wilson leaving Nello's on Sunday with a lady friend ... Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt arriving at JFK ... and Keith Urban leaving his apartment building with his daughter.