A German company has won the right to register "ficken," which is the German word for "fuckin'," as a trademark in order to sell Ficken Likör—aka the People's Partyschnaps—as well as mineral water, other refreshing beverages, and clothing.

25-year-old Katherine Goldberg is in a bit of a pickle, it would seem, after getting a little hammered on a Virgin Airways flight from South Africa to London. Well, "a little" might be underplaying it. Goldberg, who works in education, consumed "50 centilitres" — or about a pint — of whisky on the flight, the Telegraph reports. But she hadn't yet broken any laws.

A Dublin bar has begun hosting Friday-night "Underwear Amnesty" parties at which patrons can trade in their underpants for "free" alcoholic beverages. Great idea, right? Not according to the many people who say it's "insensitive," given that a rape allegedly occurred at the bar only a few months ago.

Nonalcoholic beer has long been the beverage of choice for everyone from delusional recovering alcoholics to people too drunk to notice they accidentally bought nonalcoholic beer. Shouldn't you be drinking more nonalcoholic beer, if you know what we mean?

A tipster spied this September 11th memorial wine special at a New York City restaurant.

DOs and DON'Ts for when you get a DUI:

For allegedly stealing a 24-ounce can of Steel Reserve, Victoria Hill of Boise, Idaho now faces up to ten years behind bars. Officers charged her with felony burglary, because she stuck the beer in her purse and walked by some cash registers—thereby indicating "intent."

A team of U.S. archeologists believe they've found parts of the long-lost pirate ship of Captain Henry Morgan—that's Admiral Sir Henry Morgan to you, scallawag—down in Panama, which is where I, for one, suspected it was located all along.

The high price of a pint of beer in Britain is a pretty hot issue. Through extensive research, we recently concluded that many Britons were switching to cocaine because it's more affordable. Now, to take advantage of new tax breaks, breweries are developing weaker beers — and taste testers seem to like them! The Independent reports on some promising poll results:

Bad news, people who go to the store with the express purpose of purchasing Miller Lite™ brand beer: Ad Age reports that Miller Lite is growing steadily less popular. And during the "all-important summer beer-selling season"!

Not all robots are bad! As you can see in the video above, Trossen Robotics' DARwIn-OP has okay taste in beer, even if it can't do anything except kick the can for now. Maybe it will even let you and your fellow humans keep some Tecate in your communal slave refrigerators, after the robot uprising. [via Popular Science]

The family of British singer Amy Winehouse, who died this weekend at the age of 27, believes that the singer's decision to quit drinking cold turkey may have led to her death.

Today we heard the obvious fact that Americans be drinkin'. Oh how we be drinkin'. But are we all binge drinkers? That definition seems a little stringent, says one commenter.

Did you know beer wasn't officially classified as alcoholic in Russia until yesterday? The country's president, Dmitry Medvedev, just signed a bill to make it so. Apparently, until now, any beverage with less than 10% alcohol was considered a "foodstuff."

Look to your left. Look to your right. Both of those people are in jail. And so are you, because of something you did while drunk. This is because so many people are binge drinking now, I bet.

The ongoing Minnesota government shutdown is dragging the state into a new phase of No Fun Whatsoever, due to the shuttered state offices and programs that aren't handling day-to-day matters as usual. Do you Minnesotans like to drink beer or smoke cigarettes or not see poopy everywhere? Then for now, at least, you'll have to pack up your bindles and migrate down Iowa-way.

Here's a video that TMZ obtained of a drunk-as-hell Snooki dancing with/humping a giant potted plant outside of a bar last Saturday in Seaside Heights, where she and the rest of the Jersey Shore cast are currently filming the show's fifth season. So yeah, do with it what you will, I guess? [via TMZ]

Legislatin' and all-purpose politickin' is hard work, which is why liquor can sometimes become a valuable tool in a stressed-out lawmaker's relaxation repertoire. They understand this in Ohio, where people are boozing more than ever—and where the state Capitol building will soon feature a full-scale bar.

Our nation's fast food outlets are all in that "teenage phase" right now, in which they all try to "find themselves" by trying on various new identities. Denny's is a "diner. Panera is a hippie haven. Everywhere else is now a "cafe." The only thing that our nation's fast food outlets can all agree on: they need more drunk people on their premises.

After testing positive for alcohol use during her house arrest following a neverending string of DUIs, probation violations, and an uncontested theft, Lindsay Lohan arrived in court today wearing her most conservative outfit yet: A blue striped button-down and black dress pants. But her bra showed anyway, in the gap between buttons. Modest clothes strain to fly off her body, like misaligned magnets repelling each other.