The New York Post has a rather alarming (and alarmist) article on a potential happy hour ban in the city. They cite a lot of mysterious Department of Health sources, so it's difficult to confirm any of this — but when anyone suggests a serious threat to cheap drinking, panic is the appropriate response.
TMZ is breathless to tell you that The Hunger Games' Josh Hutcherson "tricks grocery store into selling him whiskey." The up-and-comer, who plays Peeta in the film and its inevitable sequels, is only 19 and has thus probably never tasted alcohol before. What could have pushed him to such vile deceit?
One way to spoil a national "health and happiness week" is to take away the one thing that makes people happy (before they become hungover and miserable): Alcohol.
Just when you thought the kids had discovered every possible way to ingest alcohol, they went ahead and started soaking tampons in vodka and shoving them up their rectums.
Guys: Mayor Bloomberg does not want to take away your booze. Yes, the Health Department is considering a proposal to "curb excessive drinking" in New York City. (For this, the Post calls him a "party pooper," Animal NY calls him a hypocrite, and Gothamist calls him Nanny Bloomberg.") Yes, he thinks you probably drink too much. (To be fair: you do.) Yes, he's a sucky mayor. But he's not really doing anything here except that will make your life harder, unless you are an asshole (or, to be fair, in the employ of the booze business). Let's be clear about what the proposals actually are, according to the Post:
Saddened over the recent loss of HBO's hipster mystery (mipstery?) Bored To Death? So is Jonathan Ames, the guy who created it. But what's the point in wallowing in self-pity, if you can wallow in self-pity while drunk and surrounded by dozens of sympathetic fans? Wait, did I say dozens? How about hundreds! Thousands! No wait, dozens is probably for the best. Ames hopped on to Twitter tonight to announce that all fans of the series in the area should meet him at the Brooklyn Inn on Wednesday night for a drink on him. And he promised John Hodgman will be there! There is literally no down side here, people. Except the loss of Bored to Death, and the possibility of a fire hazard. But free drink! So... [@JonathanAmes]
A report in the NY Post says the city's Parks Department has issued 113 summonses between January and November to people they've caught drinking alcohol on the High Line, the mile-long public park installed in an abandoned, elevated freight railroad that runs along Manhattan's west side. That's by far the most tickets of any park in the five boroughs.
Last week, a billboard touting Wodka brand vodka's winning combination of "Christmas Quality" and "Hanukkah Pricing" appeared over Manhattan, only to be taken down less than 24 hours later. On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert went the unexpected route and actually decried the advertisement's offensiveness—but not for the reasons you'd expect.
Even though New York First Mistress Sandra Lee is forever partial to Halloween—if you don't know why, do yourself a favor and click here to find out—she still made time to visit tonight's Late Night and prepare a Thanksgiving meal with Jimmy Fallon. And by "Thanksgiving meal," I mean "a gross-looking Bailey's martini and some cornbread stuffing with a can of Campbell's chicken rice soup in it," among other monstrosities. Aunt Sandy, God love her.
On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert used the birth of an intern's child as an opportunity to highlight a recent local news report about how teens are now getting drunk by sticking vodka-soaked tampons up their vaginas/rectums. "No wonder the women in [tampon] commercials look so happy," said Colbert. "They are hammered!" A clip of the segment is above.
Like thousands of New Yorkers, Dr. Anthony Marx, the 52-year-old president of the New York Public Library, was massively inconvenienced on Sunday by marathon road closures. No problemo! He just threw his Audi A4 (registered to the library) into reverse, floored it — and slammed it into a garbage truck on East 138th St.
For once in its life, science has done something actually useful, and taught us all a valuable lesson: strawberries can help protect your stomach (an essential organ) from alcohol (an essential coping mechanism).
On Sunday, the Food Network aired Sandra's Halloween Wonderland, an hour-long special from Semi-Homemade Cooking host Sandra Lee. To say that the program—which featured half a dozen costume changes and nearly twice as many cocktail recipes—was a train wreck would be an understatement. But don't just take my word for it! Check out the above compilation to see the special's most absurd moments for yourself.
Good news! Drunk driving is down 30% over the last five years. Bad news! It's probably because we're all too broke to leave the house. Instead of wasting precious fuel to drive to bars and pay $4 for Bud Light, we're staying home with the lights off, drinking homemade prune wine, and sniffing kerosene. Apparently the way you'll know the economy is moving again is when you get T-Boned by a black-out drunk in a '70s Pontiac.
You know how your boozy friend Kathleen always pours that third glass of pinot noir and then says, "It's good for your blood pressure anyway." Well, apparently that lush Kathleen is wrong.
From morning booze at Starbucks to drive-thru booze at Sonic to just being a sad guy drinking booze at Burger King, we are living in a Golden Age of "being able to buy booze at fast food joints rather than being forced to buy booze at the gas station across the street and sneak it into the fast food place in a Big Gulp cup." But will this Golden Age persist?
