"In some ways," the threat of terrorism is "at its most heightened state" since 9/11, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano told the House Homeland Security Committee on Wednesday. Certainly, the threat of magazine-publishing is at a very heightened state—perhaps its most heightened state—as National Counterterrorism Center Michael E. Leiter testified regarding the "spiffy" magazine from al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, Inspire. ("It's got great graphics," he told committee members, which is more than we can say for the Tea Party Review.)

Al Qaeda is a terrible employer: The bastards don't even offer health benefits.

Looking for new tips on how to best wage jihad against the decadent West? Check out the new issue of Inspire, the official English-language al Qaeda magazine—it's chock-full of great ideas for the at-home terrorist, including:

The Pentagon is so worried about revelations in a new memoir about the War on Terror that it's considering buying 10,000 copies — the entire first printing — and destroying them. Sounds like a good book, no?

A grand jury convened yesterday to see if 24-year-old North Carolina blogger Samir Khan could be charged with terrorism offenses after he created the English-language jihadi magazine Inspire, with stories like "Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom."

Being the executive chef at Osama bin Laden's "Star of Jihad" base was once considered a stepping stone to bigger things, but Ibrahim al-Qosi got 14 years in Gitmo for running the kitchen there. He's expected to serve two years.

Seattle cartoonist Molly Norris created "Everybody Draw Mohammed" day earlier this year as a humorous way to stand up for free speech. Didn't go over so well. Live and learn. Now, Al Qaeda wants her dead for it. Unacceptable.

What do terrorists do, when they're not hating us for our freedoms, and faking Hawaiian birth certificates? They play soccer! Yes, the favorite sport of America-hating European secularists is also the favorite sport of a bunch of violent dogmatic jerks.

Al-Qaeda is publishing an English-language magazine. It's called Inspire and it features such articles as "Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom" and "What to Expect in Jihad." Want to read some of it?

Adam Gadahn, the U.S.-born al Qaeda spokesman, made a sweet new "vlog" for his favorite American, President Obama! "You slither snakelike into the second year of your reign as a purported president of change," he said. Someone's got a crush.

When discussing a gay-themed McDonald's ad on his show last night, Bill O'Reilly likened gay men to Al-Qaeda. There are no ways left to say that the Fox News' host is ignorant, but we're going to try anyway.

Al Qaeda's third-in-command, Mustafa Abu Yazid, has died. Maybe. According to ABC, al Qaeda released a believed-to-be-genuine eulogy for "the group's chief operating officer." It seems he was killed in a drone strike in Pakistan.

The US military has reportedly killed two top leaders of Al Qaeda in Iraq.

So, there was an election in Iraq today. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad became a 9/11 truther. And Al Qaeda's spokesman, Azzam the American, may have been captured! Here's all the stuff you missed while ogling the red carpet.

Here is a story that maybe should be "getting more play:" Al Qaeda is "certain" to attack America in the next six months—possibly killing you in the process. Even worse, other enemies are preparing to rain terror from above.

TSA is not messing around anymore. They will literally scan the pants off of you to see if you're hiding explosives in your pants (some pun intended). Colbert hypothesizes that terrorists will simply counter with dick-shaped bombs.

Good news: The Feds are finally savvy enough to scoop the blogosphere. Bad news: Now we'll never get a screen grab of his Facebook profile. Panty bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's social networking persona is emerging, and it's startlingly banal.

There were reports that 'firecrackers' had gone off on a flight from Holland to Detroit on Friday. Several people were slightly hurt. US Intelligence sources have now told the Associated Press the suspect said he was acting for Al-Qaeda.

You will get killed, over and over again. Abu Yahya al-Libi, reportedly killed in a drone attack, is by our count the ninth No. 3 Al-Qaeda operative to be killed or captured.