Just because you digitally insert little asterisks over the heads of the shoppers you just totally pissed off does not mean that they're really on your side, smoke Nazis. Messing with people's Gummi Bears like that is just dangerous.

People who inadvertently starred in Youtube videos that got huge are the child TV stars of the internet, their lives defined by some awkward, emasculating moment. So it goes for the "Numa Numa" guy.

Chinese ad people haven't gotten the hang of the sexy English slogans yet, but they're world class in 'Sex Metaphors for Hacks.'

De Beers thought that buying diamond jewelry would be a popular activity during this recession, but you know what? It isn't.

Lots of companies have been trying to milk the financial crisis and/or stories of corporate fraud for maximum publicity gain. Few, though, have pulled it off as successfully as JetBlue has with its new ad campaign. After the jump, the commercial that debuted earlier this week featuring a sleazy CEO touting flights to "cities where you already own homes or hide money," and service to DC "so you'll never be late to a Congressional hearing."

• Further evidence CNN's Jon Klein should start polishing his resume: The network continues to trail Fox News, MSNBC, and Headline News. [Portfolio]
• Obama's performance on The Tonight Show will keep people talking for awhile (and not in a good way, clearly), but the ratings were huge. [Time, THR]
• The April issue of Portfolio is the slimmest in Condé Nast's history. [NYP]
• Charla Lawhon is stepping down as managing editor of In Style. [WWD]
• Your prayers have been answered: VH1 is reviving Behind the Music. [NYP]
• Bob Pittman says the ad industry should get a bailout, too. [Fortune]
• Fox News's Greta Van Susteren is denying her husband is a paid adviser to Sarah Palin, but she admits that he gives her advice and "helps" her. [HP]
• SpiralFrog, the glitzy music site that launched in 2006, has gone bust. [PC]
• Broadway dimmed the lights last night in honor of Natasha Richardson. [THR]

Marcelo Tas is a Brazilian TV host described as "a tropical version of...Jon Stewart." But you could also describe him as "the first celebrity to trick a company into paying him for bullshit on Twitter."

You know who this global economic implosion is really hurting? Broadcast networks. How can they mint money if Overlord Obama is constantly doing TV addresses, like a Soviet Secretary General?

"The Flavor of the Week! Black in White! Chocolate in Vanilla." This Russian ice cream ad starring a cartoon Obama is...what? Racist? Delicious? Sickening? Creamy? Russians are drunks! Putin's a whore! Unhand me! Click through:

Ugh. We knew the whole scene was getting lame when the U.S. Department of Agriculture National Agricultural Statistics Service moved into the McKibben Lofts.

A tipster sends us this photo of an actual advertisement in Sweden, which, she explains, is a result of the stubborn Swedes' tendency to believe their fancy schools actually teach them proper English. Psht:

Here's an unsettling ad campaign that will probably make it to NYC in the near future: A gym in the Netherlands configured a bus shelter so that the weight of the person sitting down on the bench is displayed for all to see. Painful, huh? But maybe this is the radical approach Gwyneth Paltrow should consider adopting given she's having so much trouble finding people to join her new gym in Tribeca? It's not like reminding the public at large that they're all fatter than her could do much more damage to her already battered reputation, could it? [Adfreak]

Is it sexist to think that an ad with a vampire with tampons for teeth is just nasty? I don't think so, but I'm sexist. Click through to absorb this one, soak it in, etc:

Oh some casino called, quote, "Indiana Live!" thought it would be so cool to have an ad with a fake Barack shilling for their casino, called, again, "Indiana Live!" It was not cool with Barack.

In your sunny Friday media column: Dan Peres has balls, high school reporters have dreams, Arthur Sulzberger has an honest moment, and the media at large has nothing to look forward to:

Corcoran brokers will no longer be able to use words like "professional," "exclusive," and "quiet" in apartment ads. "Professional" is a no-go because it implies the apartment is only available to people who work in a specific industry; describing it as "exclusive" might be construed as "racially exclusive." No one seems to know why "quiet" and "safe" were added to Corcoran's new list of 200 banned words, although deception is still totally fine: "It is not against the law for brokers to describe a coffin-sized studio as 'cozy.'" [NYP]

"Banks That Spent the Most on TV Ads Performed the Best." Crisis: Solved.

MTV is using rock stars and their super-sluttiness to teach all Brazilians about safe sex. Thanks, Madonna and Mick Jagger, you sluts! And thanks to everyone you screwed, as well.

The practice of predicting the future in ads has always been dicey. But in 1993, AT&T got damn near everything right! Present-day dreamers Microsoft would kill for this record of adverfuturism accuracy:

In your meaty Tuesday media column: rumors of coming layoffs (and a die-off?) at OK! magazine, a golf magazine is killed, advertising plummets, media companies may default, and Americans don't know a damn thing: