You know that new Tiger Woods Nike commercial, in which his father chastises him? Well, it's already been mashed up with Tom Cruise's famous "Tame the cunt... respect the cock!" speech from Magnolia—and it's way better. Video inside.

Well, that's it. China's eventual world domination has been the subject of speculation for years but today it is official. Coke has given China a delicious new green tea-flavored soft drink. And we don't even get it!

America is a nation of mostly poor, unattractive people who take their cues on life from the fictional actions of rich, attractive characters on television. The NBC network, your father figure, has decided to educate our slackjawed populace. With television!

As Weight Watchers battles disparaging remarks about its pseudoscientific experts, the company also faces a more existential threat: women who think they don't need to be on a diet. Whoa, who said that was okay?

The published rate for a full page color ad in the New York Times magazine is $107,075. Why, then, would one use such expensive ad space to re-run a bizarre and uninteresting press release? Don't know, but somebody did!

Kids, if you think it's "cool" to grow out your hair: consider the consequences. Click to enlarge. [Copyranter]

Exciting news in Facebookland: In a secret memo, Facebook told advertisers that they are doing away with "becoming a fan" brands. Instead, you will "like" brands, just how you "liked" your friend's drunken status update.

Have you seen these commercials for Liberty Mutual? It's like the entire population of New York City is on ecstasy, which you'd have to be batshit crazy to think is a Good Thing.

Lost: the television show enjoyed by many hopeless fanatics such as yourself. Just how much is your slavish, unquestioning devotion to everything associated with this fairy tale worth to corporate America's advertisers? A lot.

Google has launched a new ad product that will allow web sites you've visited to keep serving you ads long after you've gone on to other sites. Which means that once you've visited viagra.com, you can never really leave.

Rep. Randy "Human Infant" Neugebauer hollered out "Baby Killer" on the House floor this week. Doesn't that deserve a good tip? Donate now! [Adfreak]

Next season, Jersey Shore goes to Miami Beach. But last season's exploits are about to go international. MTV is launching the show in more than 30 countries this week. Here's how they are selling this most American export abroad.

Starbucks Sumatra blend: "It's about the most adventurous thing you can do and still be at work by 9 a.m." Don't forget the cyanide. [Copyranter]

And cheaper, too. Say you have some life-altering product that needs advertising to get off the ground, using Google TV Ads, you can buy TV ad space whenever/wherever you want. Slate tested it out, and the results were surprising.

What's hotter than a hip girl with a perfect body and an ample bosom? A hip girl with a perfect body, ample bosom, and a mustache. Throw in spandex with a boner, and it's no longer advertising—it's art.

The ad below for some Australian beer explains exactly when you know you need a beer: when your balls tingle. Yea, maybe in Australia.

In your energizing Wednesday media column: ad spending is rising towards an inevitable deadly explosion, Yahoo hires some good writers, AOL enters the food blog wars, and a Cleveland reporter is a wanted man.

While prudish America argues over whether ladies can even say "tampon vagina" on teevee, a hippie feminine product company in Mother England is fully engaged in promoting not only vaginas, but also Pootie Tangs, Fajitas, Flangivas, Vaginkles, and Anastasia Beaverhousens.

NBC's marketing department, last seen turning the mediocre show Chuck into an elaborate vehicle for peddling Subway sandwiches, is now turning the good show 30 Rock into an elaborate vehicle for peddling Dr Pepper. Progress!

The most surprising revelation in Ad Age's story on Bud Light's failed "Drinkability" ad campaign is that "Drinkability" was apparently supposed to be an actual thing—the "ideal rational benefit," the consultants said. Haha. Really? Shut up. Really? "Drinkability?"