No one realizes just how important something is until it's gone, whether the missing piece is money, love, health, vision, oral sex... anything, really.

Last week we brought you the heartbreaking story of Aaron Jamison, the terminally ill man selling ad space on his cremation urn in order to raise money to keep his wife out of debt. Well, he succeeded.

The Federal Trade Commission said it investigated Ann Taylor for trying to influence bloggers with gifts. The FTC took no action, its announcement publicized questions about blogger payola. Namely: Since when does a big-name retailer offer such crappy bribes?

Magnum condoms, for those of you who don't know (not me), are big condoms that are great for when your penis is extra large. Who better to promote Magnum condoms than rappers, who have extra-large penises, as everyone knows?

What the hell...the U.S. government—which depends on consumer tax revenue—has started a new program to "educate" kids on how advertising works. Outlandish! Oh, wait—by "educate," they mean "indoctrinate, as enthusiastic consumers." Please continue!

Last week, 2.3 million people saw Nike's controversial Tiger Woods ad online. But 1.3 million of those views were for parodies. Of the ad's 11.2 million total online views, a full 5.7 million—51%—were for parodies. And Nike is loving it! They told YouTube's Biz Blog: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. We love when people engage and participate in the storytelling. Any confident brand should be." [AdAge]

Belgian men's magazine Che, one of the foremost practitioners of assvertising, has a fun new online promo: "The Blow Job," rowrrrr. **May result in your image being recorded and used by Che for promotional purposes. Blow it hard, fellas! [Adrants]

It's been a rough week for Gray Powell, the Apple engineer who left his iPhone prototype in an ersatz German beer garden only to see it turn up on Gizmodo. So Lufthansa's offering to fly Powell to real Germany, gratis.

Consumer insight from the top minds in advertising: people these days like free money.

In your party-oriented Wednesday media column: the NYT launches a nightlife column, Julie Chen prepares to take on The View, ads masquerading as news in L.A., and One Man: Two Identical Letters to the Editor.

Aaron Jamison has terminal colon cancer and expects to die within nine months. Despite this, his spirits are high; he hands out bracelets that read "Cancer Sucks ... Life is Good ... Choose Joy." And also...good lord...

Was Bill Gates forcing tweens to sext each other with a sexy new campaign? The software behemoth yanked a spot for the Zune of cell phones, the Kin, that was accusing of promoting "sexting." There are also furries.

Apple's "iAd" program looks more sinister every day. It's not enough that Steve Jobs' company gets an exclusive cut of spending on iPhone mobile charges, apps, songs, movies and TV shows; now it wants the cream of mobile advertising, too.

"AFRICAN BOY. Can be used as ash tray, cigarette tray, candy or nut dish. 5' high in black wrought iron. Round wooden head with beady eyes. If not available at your dealer send $2.00 to:" America. [Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]

Twitter has finished presenting its money-making plan at an advertising conference in New York, and it's remarkably simple: Stick ads into people's Twitter streams. Where they'll read them like everything else.

Contrary to what you might think, not every commercial for an alcoholic product features guys acting like jerks to each other in order to secure an extra sip of Budweiser. Some are interesting stories told well.

America has given so much to the people of Afghanistan.Our latest gift: modern military propaganda. The military's new Afghan ad campaign is in favor of soldiers, but against suicide bombers. Click through for one more democracy-engendering ad, via Ad Age.

Advertising execs on Nike's Tiger Woods' dead dad ad: "Wish I'd thought of It."

Nicorette would like you to believe that sucking on a hollow white plastic tube containing micronized nicotine is a socially acceptable approximation of burning a square. So they made this commercial to show you: no it's not. [Adfreak]

Joe Ballin, the mastermind behind the World's Most Expensive Press Release, sent another one. Added!