The death of euphemism in advertising continues apace. "Tampon is not a dirty word, and neither is vagina," claims a tampon advertising guru. Oh? Television networks disagree.

Gilbert Gottfried hasn't exactly been getting tons of work lately. He was fine in Hysterical Psycho, but other than that, it's been slim pickins. So if a voiceover gig for a shoehorn-on-a-stick comes along, Gottfried is very available.

In what looks like a bad Proactiv commercial, acoustic guitar plucks away as Jessica Simpson admits to not brushing her teeth. This is met with nervous laughter. She then repeats this fact. Again, more nervous laughter. What is going on?

Although they were doubtlessly trying to present a wholesome image, there's something about this ad that makes you feel like you're on drugs. What is it about grainy footage of people running through a field with balloons that suggests LSD?

Stupid lawsuits are filed every day, and Lindsay Lohan does stupid things every day. But is she really behind the E*Trade lawsuit that bears her name?

Hero Iraqi shoe-hurler Muntader al-Zaidi probably had to get his balls electrocuted in prison so hard, and for what? To have his heroic act co-opted for a Colombian fabric softener commercial. A revolutionary's cruel, inevitable fate! [Copyranter at AnimalNY]

Just last month, Gothamist boss Jake Dobkin was slamming the New York Times as uncompetitive, unoriginal, and lazy. Today, the NYT has plastered Gothamist with the most in-your-face wallpaper ad buy we've ever seen. Huh. Let's recall that rant!

In your magical Monday media column: Masshole-on-Wellesley media violence, the internet finally beats print forever, going deep into Glenn Beck, and people find jobs, miraculously.

We already know it's Hollywood's biggest night. Now, Silicon Valley is having an event of its own. Why? Because Apple just debuted its first iPad commercial during the initial break of the Oscars telecast. Inside, video of the 30-second spot.

Here's the latest bizarro commercial from Rhett and Link, who brought you America's only good advertisement, ever. This one's for an establishment called "Butt Drugs." So, you know,hard to mess that one up. [ILLC via Adfreak]

Why waste the time to get dressed in regular jeans? The button, the zipper... plus they're so stiff! Sweatpants look too dressed down! What to do? Well, that is the genius behind Pajama Jeans!

Wanna sell Xboxes? Here's a girl with a nice ass, on the YouTube, playing the Xbox. Virally! This marketing concept could also work for, you know, anything. Everything the jihadists say about us is true. [Copyranter]

Tonight's episode of SNL was a bore until this: a hilarious, celebrity-centric spoof of CBS' Undercover Boss that featured Steve Jobs as a trash man (you know where this is going), Richard Branson, Martha Stewart and more. Video inside.

While surprises are scarce on NBC tonight—as many of the Olympic events it's covering took place hours ago—the network did throw one curve ball: a new, 60-second, curling-themed promo for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Video inside.

Here's security camera video of an ad agency guy walking into a glass wall, which his agency posted on YouTube, for laffs. 2) Or maybe it's "viral." 3) This constantly happens at the Gawker offices, really. 4) We win? [Adfreak]

Thought those Super Bowl copy-cat commercials were a one-time thing? Turns out it was the beginning of a sad trend. Watch as Verizon Wireless makes a classic Big Red ad turn over in its tin-foil wrapped grave.

Condé Nast's Self magazine made our list of "Print's Ten Worst Late Payment Offenders" last year for stiffing a freelancer for 300 days. Which is about 40 more days than Condé Nast will wait for payment before it sues you.

In the olden days, the preferred way to sell chocolate milk powder was with pictures of futuristic scientists shining heat lamps onto the bottoms of naked young boys. Afterwards, families retreated to 7-Eleven parking lots to bask in nature's glow.

Cell phones: they had such promise. Such wondrous potential. How have we, wretched humanity, squandered that potential? By turning cell phones into predatory ad-delivery systems. Corporations are literally stalking you, by cell phone. And you asked for it!

I don't know how to explain everything that this post contains in a lede, but I'll try: tonight's Olympic ice dancing was... INSANE. Inside, Linkin Park, Requiem for a Dream, Home Alone, a sexxxy commercial and Schindler's List—seriously.