Here's a thing that the genius multibillion-dollar marketing industry did, probably at a cost of millions upon millions of dollars: instead of saying "incontinence," now we say "light bladder leakage," because that term is "less stigmatizing." See how much better it sounds? "Light bladder leakage." It's not all medical-y. It's just very plain and upfront to let people know, yes, urine is leaking from my bladder, lightly, and hey, I'm still human.

Hong Kong-basd airline Cathay Pacific on Friday said that two of its employees who were "shown in compromising situations" — read: having fun with a camera in the cockpit — were "no longer employees of the company." Well, fair enough. If you take oral sex pics in your place of work and they somehow leak (not judging!), you sort of deserve to be let go if you're in the service industry. But Cathay Pacific didn't stop there. As part of the airline's attempt to clean up its stained image, an advertisement campaign called "People and Service" was cancelled yesterday. What's so bad about that? Oh, the slogan, which claims that Cathay Pacific is "the team who go the extra mile to make you feel special." Yeah, good call canceling that one.

Velveeta™ brand products are much like America itself: chemical-laden, unnaturally orange, and composed primarily of Cheez. So it's unsurprising that Velveeta convenient meals division brand manager Adam Grablick's comment on the process of chemically concocting, packaging, rolling out, and promoting the new Velveeta Cheesy Skillets would serve to crystallize the fundamental hopelessness that has overtaken us as a people more clearly than anything else.

In Hamburg, Germany, the British beauty products company Soap & Glory has installed Die Badende: a 13-foot high, 67-foot long sculpture of a bathing lady in the waters of Alster Lake. The company did this out of a sense of duty, it seems.

Facebook has gotten pretty good at filtering garbage out of people's "News Feeds." Too good, as far as advertisers are concerned: They want the garbage put back, so they can spam people, and logically Facebook is complying.

It's pretty eerie how the media industry—which makes its money by selling advertising—is not capable of making a single decent ad for itself. The dying newspaper industry is now pinning its hopes on the classic lonely man's rationalization: "Smart is the New Sexy."

It's been a very good year for Vic Gundotra, Google's chief of social networking. His project Google Plus hit 10 million users within two weeks of launch. But it almost took a horribly wrong turn in January, when Gundotra got distracted and nearly plowed into a stopped car on the highway.

The people who sell milk (who ARE those people?) started an edgy and viral marketing campaign last month based on the scientific(?) fact that milk can help ease PMS symptoms in women. The edgy part was that the campaign was aimed at dudes, the ones who suffer most when chicks are on the rag! "Slip your bitch some milk," I think was the underlying message.

So this guy proposed to his girlfriend while giving a Power Point presentation in the conference room at Deutsch, the advertising agency where they both work. She said yes. This true story is also a Rorschach test. [Ad Age]

In your wilting Thursday media column: the Stelter-Lapin dream couple is no more, WaPo employees get a raise, Vogue's September issue is big, the NYT Co. has glimmers of hope, and the LAT will remake itself, with blogs.

Douche and vagina soap company Summer's Eve has a new ad campaign featuring talking vagina hands imploring their owners to clean their vaginas more thoroughly. And, in case that premise isn't preposterous enough already, Summer's Eve is tailoring its message to different ethnic groups. Above, a sassy black vagina mm-hmm's while mouthing off (...giving lip?) about hairdos.

In your treacly Tuesday media column: News Corp stock is a buy sell, Dan Doctoroff is Bloomberg's new CEO, the economy barely beats Casey Anthony, magazine ad pages are flat, and Time Out Boston folds.

It's been seen tens of billions of times on countless websites and Facebook. Thanks to credit card fraud, it's generated more revenue than most tech startups. Meet the "1 Tip for a Tiny Belly" con, if you haven't already.

After all these years of pale blue liquid being poured out of a sterile beaker into a maxi pad in commercials, the truth is finally coming out: there's blood in them thar pads! Bodily fluid advertising expert Copyranter says this Always ad (click to enlarge) may be one of the first times ever that an American advertisement has sullied itself in such a gruesome way. Sorry, gents—it appears that this maxi pad business is not as sanitary as we've all been led to believe.

The top 684,392 advertisements of the past year have now been honored with "Cannes Lions" awards. We've already shown you one of this year's winners in the "pedophile" category; but edgy ad guru Copyranter argues that the ad above (click to enlarge), out of Poland—in which an ad agency placed cards touting a "child safety foundation" inside children's underwear on sale at a kids' clothing store—is the single most disturbing Cannes Lion 2011 winner.

Adweek has a list of the 50 gayest TV commercials ever. Because gays buy things, too! (And straight dudes who enjoy watching two hot women in lingerie getting it on. They buy things, too. Like beer. And Toyotas.) [adweek.com]

Dissecting the various psychological and socieconomic strands that make up today's sophisticated modern advertising campaigns is no easy task, but we'll give it our best shot. In this ad out of India (click to enlarge) for Lotte Choco Caramel With Mango Inside, the choco-caramel-colored pregnant maid represents the Choco Caramel With Mango Inside. The happily leering mango is pleased that his mango sperm has been "inside" the choco caramel, and will be again soon, by the looks of it. Probably via rape. This scenario makes people want to purchase the candy in question.

We've always said, when drunk, that monkeys are the great untapped demographic of the 21st century. Well! Someone has finally listened: Advertising firm Proton has created the first campaign directed entirely at monkeys.

The prestigious Cannes advertising awards are underway, a celebration that involves everyone in that ad industry at the "VP" level or higher flying to Cannes on the company dime, doing lots of coke, and giving each other one hundred jillion awards, for being the most brilliant ad people who can afford to go to Cannes.

Just because Lindsay Lohan is under house arrest doesn't mean that she still can't earn a paycheck. The Hollywood cockroach just made a nice bit of cash for filming a commercial for a silly website in her living room.