The Times takes a look at a new venue in which CBS plans to advertise its fall lineup: eggs. That's right, advances in laser-printing technology allow for carefully crafted messages (or, in CBS' case, bad puns) to be etched directly on to the unfertilized chicken embryos that we all enjoy for breakfast. While CBS claims that the move is simply based on a desire to make folks laugh, we've got to believe that there's some kind of deeper motivation that would make a network want to write the names of all of its successful series on a hairless, ovoid shell.

We turn once again to the world of advertising, where yet another icon is undergoing a bit of a makeover in order to capture the attentions of a younger audience. This time it's Mr. Peanut, that oily ambassador of salt and fat whose products have provided countless sour stomachs to a nation's indolent collection of television-watchers. But it's not a unilateral decision. Oh, no, this time we're all involved: "Voters can choose to add a bow tie, cuff links, a pocket watch or vote to keep Mr. Peanut the same."

It's hard enough to take the subways these days, what with the incessant heat, summer odors, and random risk of being attacked by power tools, but those of you unfortunate enough to need to transfer between the A/C/E and 1/2/3 lines at 42nd Street will be subjected to a whole new assault: the ministrations of Jews for Jesus. That's right, it's JFJ month here in New York, and the controversial group, whose belief that Judaism is even better when you add a little Jesus to it (which, quite frankly, we thought was the whole idea behind Christianity in the first place) has bought ads throughout the entire corridor between the two lines. While some might find this to be an overly aggressive attempt to recruit new membership, we're of the opinion the organization only purchased so many spots because of the presumable volume discount involved. Let's be honest: They may love Jesus and all, but they're still Jews.

If you're anything like us, you're young and edgy. You know what you want. It's got to be hip, speak your language. Like, when it comes to filling your arteries with cholesterol, you don't want some tired old man telling you where to buy your fried chicken, right? Well, the folks at Yum! Brands Inc. understand that. They're down with you, dog. That's why they've redefined the look of America's favorite defeathered carcass purveyor to the fine specimen you see above. As Louisville's Courier-Journal puts it:

A letter of complaint sent today to NYTimes.com and copied to us:

The Philly Daily News is running those proposed "Move to Philly" ads, inspired by Jessica Pressler's sixth-borough article from last year. Some are as silly as the sixth-borough concept itself — like a subway map with all the lines redirecting toward Philadelphia — but some, well, we're starting to see the point they're making here.

And where did the idea for the campaign come from, according to Metro?

• Times to sell ads on front business page. Coming next: white after Labor Day. [NYT]
• VF to boost biz coverage; AMI to miss accounting deadlines. [NYP]
• Us Weekly has its best-selling issue ever, and Janice Min had nothing to do with it. [Jossip]
• New Times Building turning out to be a good investment. Huh. So it turns out Pinch knows how to make those, every now and then. [NYP]
• The Committee to Protect Journalists picks a new executive director, and it turns out he's one of our machetunim, sort of. (I.e., new CPJer is real-life bro-in-law of our glittery little brother, Defamer.) [CPJ]

The only party worth going to is a party you have to crash. A reader tips us off to the open registration form for an advertising party in SF's SoMa neighborhood. Marketing agency Grey San Francisco promises live music, DJs, and graffiti artists.

"Let's wrap this up, Mr. Peanut's dick is riding right up my ass."

Facebook, the plain vanilla version of MySpace that recently rejected a $1.4 billion offer from Yahoo, convinced another schmuck that it's worth $2 billion. Ad and marketing company Interpublic (owner of PR firms DeVries and Weber Shandwick, Donny Deustch's Deustch Advertising, and scads of other firms) just agreed to sink $10 million into Facebook at a $2 billion valuation.

• People mag has a major opportunity for you, cash-throwing advertiser — placement of your ad space near Shiloh. Dodge takes the bait. Is there anything that baby can't sell? [LeftLane]
• Without Pete Doherty, would the British press simply cease to exist? Every single day, the crackhead inspires a new, stupid story. Today, he's found Jesus. Tomorrow, he'll have found another rusty syringe. [FF]
• Just another reason to loathe Bill O'Reilly, courtesy of his 10-room Manhasset estate. [Cryptome]
• A Suicide Girl attempts to spend 7 days straight in the Fifth Avenue Apple Store (open 24 hours). If David Blaine had any thunder, this might steal some of it. [SuicideGirls]
• It's kind of sad when construction workers would rather read the WSJ than ogle your ass. [Things That Make You Go Hmmm]
• Marc Jacobs dumps his boyfriend; not even the twink's Marc Jacobs tattoo could lube the relationship. [Towleroad]
• Way up at 158th Street rests Safety City, "a special place to how to cross streets, drive bicycles, and ride in cars safely." [Amish in the City]
• An extra to-do for you tonight: John Mayer will be testing his skills at the Comedy Cellar at 11 PM. His comedy skills, that is. Panty-throwing still appropriate. [BWE]
• Eva Longoria is determined to prove that she can be just as annoying through the written word, thus her forthcoming erotic novel, to be ghostwritten by the editors of Maxim. [BookStandard]
• In their defense, only porn is going to distract Katrina victims from their problems. [CNN]
• From the creators of the Greg Gutfeld Show comes Keira Knightley's Jaw, a blog documenting exactly that. Better than Keira Knightley's Pout, which just makes you want to punch things. [Keira Knightley's Jaw]

For those of you who are over 60, unwed, living alone and consider your 8 cats to be your best friends, Meow Mix knows what you want: a reality show competition for the precious ones, in which cats vie for a job with the cat food company. The Meow Mix House is located in a storefront at 49th and Madison, and all the action is currently airing via webcam. After watching for a bit, it's hard to deny that the whole thing is oddly mesmerizing. A brief liveblog:

On July 8, Brooklynites Caroline Fisher and Dave Kerpen intend to get married behind the home plate of the Brooklyn Cyclones' Keyspan Park. This blessed union will be brought to us by the Lord, as well as Smirnoff, 1-800-Flowers.com, the Broadway Mall, Avroc, Grandma's Secrets, the Cyclones, the Red Carpet, and the Wedding Plaza.

A reader writes of the latest marketing stunt, occuring on the corner of 6th Avenue and 57th Street:

• So the Czech Republic handed the U.S. team its ass on a platter, but watching the World Cup in New York is more about the eurotrash anyhow. This weekend, Swedes unfairly suffered as Good World failed to get their television properly working. [NYT-WC]
• Kevin Federline learns that he has an infant son; in the resulting wave of emotion, he removes his cornrows and allows himself to be photographed touching the child. [Us Weekly]
• What New York real estate lacks in affordability, it more than makes up for in glamorous exaggeration. [Copyranter]
• Matt Damon's anonywife gives birth to a baby girl; post-Shiloh, the couple is now trying to pay a celebrity weekly to run photos. [People]
• The Falls finally closes; murderous bouncers begin to look for work elsewhere. [NYDN]
• Crisis at the Gay Oscars Tonys — Alfre Woodard and Gayle King wear the same dress. Aren't stylists overpaid so as to avoid this sort of horror? [OAN]
• Is American Apparel less about the human rights thing as they would have you think? [Consumerist]
• Introducing V-Style, not to be confused with V or V Life. [Mediaweek]
• Media Guy Simon Dumenco asks if it would kill Conde Nast to cut the self-congratulatory circle-jerk regarding the still-unborn Portfolio. The answer: without its arrogance, there would be no Conde. So, yes, it would kill them. [AdAge]
• Related: the nicest cafeterias go to those who eat the least. [Memo Pad]

• Madonna signs a deal with H&M, under which she and all of her crew will be outfitted with a complete H&M wardrobe for when they're off-stage. You know, when no one will actually cares what they're wearing. [AP]
• Harry Potter mastermind JK Rowling has been named the greatest living British writer in a UK magazine poll. Huh? We expected this sort of outcome from Americans, but not the Brits. Salman Rushdie, Zadie Smith, Ian McEwan cry into their pillows. [BBC]
• Just in time for summer, surf's up at the Williamsburg waterfront! Don't forget your syringes! [YouTube via Curbed]
• Fader magazine releases its entire issue on podcast. Paper — and reading, for that matter — is so provincial. [Fader]
• The Times' Kate Aurthur flees the coop, joins the LA Times as its new television editor. [LA Observed]
• Microsoft hires Demetri Martin for its upcoming campaign. Poor guy. [SPI via The Apiary]
• Angelina Jolie actually understands latitudes and longitudes. Good for her. [Us Weekly]
• Useful advice on how NOT to get murdered when thrown out of a club. [Clublife]

OK. So it's time we admit it. We're totally confused by the ad campaign for the new season of Entourage, which starts this Sunday night. (Opposite the Tonys. Dilemmas!) Yes yes, we know that Ari Gold is — or at least was — a major Hollywood power broker. But as we left last season, wasn't he unemployed, friendless except for gaysian Lloyd, and desperately trying to hang on to clients while working from a coffee shop? Now, it's a given that he'll soon be back to his old self — Ari's personality wouldn't allow it any other way, and, more important, the popularity of the character wouldn't allow it any other way — but, still, despite the ads' claims, we're going to have to say that for the moment Ari Gold can neither make nor break you.

• Fortune editor to co-write Alan Greenspan's memoir. He's say he's excited, but that might be viewed as irrationally exuberant. [NYT]
• And Ted Turner will likely have a memoir coming, too. [NYP]
• More and more newspaper advertising is shifting to web. Um, duh. [NYT]
• Elizabeth Vargas needed that anchor chair like a fish needs a bicycle. Honest. [Phil. Inq.]

There's interesting ad in this week's Advertising Age. (Click on it to enlarge.) It might even be unprecedented, as some have suggested to us. It's from the Daily News, and it touts the tab's dominance over the Post. More New Yorkers read the Daily News, the ad brags. More buy it. It has more ads. Its online audience is growing. A cynic might point out that the accompanying charts aren't nearly to scale, but, even so — and nothwithstanding the atrocious grammar in Point 3 — the claims seem to be entirely true. Which would make, at first glance, this ad seem like endorsement of the News's great success over its rival.