Gay Bruno landed balls-down on straight, angry Eminem's face last night, thus firmly heralding the beginning of the Summer of Bruno. And it made me wonder: Based on that little antic, and the leaked details of the film, is Bruno gonna be good for the gays?

How to determine your Political-Empathy quotient: On one axis find your political ideology somewhere between the two poles of Conservative and Liberal. On the other axis we have "Us"(inclusive) vs. "Them"(exclusive). Yes.

You know what, Adam Lambert? Just can it with the coy shit. Everyone knows the American Idol second-placer is a big ol' homo from Fruitington Corners, but in every goddamn interview the lurching behemoth always says things like "keep speculating..." And I wish he'd just man up and step out.

• It looks like it's war between two Hamptons magazines that no one actually reads: A title called Hamptonite is now accusing Devorah Rose's Social Life of destroying copies of its debut issue last weekend. Social Life denies the accusation, although when members of the Real Housewives are involved, anything is possible, really. [P6]
• In A-Rod/Madonna news, the Yankee is still dating Kate Hudson and she's already started "following [him] around." For her part, Madonna is reportedly "livid" at Gwyneth Paltrow because she blames her for setting the two up. [P6, NYDN]
• Rihanna may finally open up about the alleged assault on her by Chris Brown: Prosecutors say they'll subpoena her to appear at a June 22 hearing to decide if there's enough evidence to move ahead with the case. [People]

• A recent Elle photoshoot with Britney Spears turned out to be a bit messier than expected. [P6]
• A photographer has filed suit against Chris Brown. He's claiming the singer's bodyguards beat him up when he tried to take pics of Brown in March. [Us]
• Is Anthony Weiner engaged to Huma Abedin? [P6]
• Jay-Z is supposedly in talks with Lyor Cohen to set up a new record label at Warner Music. [NYDN]
• Chace Crawford may be having a fling with 19-year-old Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Esti Ginzburg. [P6]
• Jane Fonda knows how to travel. She pretends she's injured so she can cruise through security in a wheelchair, apparently. [NYDN]
• Get ready: Prince Harry arrives in NYC tomorrow. [NYDN]

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] May 26 @ 7-9-30 At tonight's performance of Hair on Broadway. (How appropriate.)

The voting machines were tampered with! By "voting machines" we mean the mindless finger-dialers from Arkansas who were tricked by the nefarious AT&T syndicate into voting for, successfully, Miss Kris Allen, the straight white corn boy who defeated, in an upset, gay Frankenstein. The New York Times now cries foul.

["American Idol" runner-up performs on the CBS Early Show this morning; image via Splash]

Good Saturday morning! Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen spawning, Keifer Sutherland, Clay Aiken, and Giada De Laurentiis squashing separate (but equal!) beefs, Robert Pattinson gets some Can(nes), and Beyonce sez: "avoid the gym."

Last night millions of American Idol fans tuned in to watch the show's season finale. But you know who didn't?—-Clay Aiken, who basically trashed everything about Idol today on the subscription-only message board of his website, going so far as to say Adam Lambert made his ears bleed!

Well, that's it. After all this tumbling and mumbling and Kara bumbling, the eighth and most bespangled season of American Idol yet has come to a screeching, crooning end. How'd it end for you? Are you satisfied? Surprised? Gassy? To work through all these emotions and sensations, let's discuss.

If you want to know which totally dreamy piece of manmeat won tonight, go ahead and click through now to see Ryan Seacrest announce the winner. If you don't want to know, you've been duly warned.

Oh Ryan, you master of the turn of phrase. Clever little frosted minx. I'm gonna miss you when they pack you back up into your E! radio locker and I don't get any of you until next January. Sigh. The last competition night of the year! It was... just aight.

Remember Ted Haggard, the defrocked, gay-hating evangelical pastor who was busted having meth-fueled sex with a male prostitute, then allegedly cured himself of gayness? These days he's Twittering up a storm about American Idol!

Three is a number steeped in magic and myth—the three fates spinning our doom, the three versions of Jesus (dad, son, creepy ghost), the three bears. And now, the three Idol men. Heroes all.

Charlie Crist is going to be your next closeted gay Republican Senator from Florida! Thanks to the liberal media! Adam Lambert should probably look into politics.

That's how you do Idol! I mean, that's how you do it. Manufacture "surprises" so people will keep watching a full hour of television that should only take five minutes. Did your jaw drop?

The Top 5! Rat Pack croony swoony songs! What a magical combination. Oddly, I don't mean that entirely sarcastically. There was some good sing-sangin' on Idol last night, mostly from my long-term two favorites.

So Disco Night happened on American Idol. Everyone still with us? Ten toes, ten fingers? All right, good. We made it. That wasn't so bad, was it? I mean, it could have been much worse.