Americans of all political stripes should be glad to hear that Vice President Joe Biden is not running for president.

After, let’s say, weeks of campaigning, Texas politician Rick Perry (sp?) has apparently dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. Few people remember, but this comes almost four years after another “Rick Perry” — a fellow Texan, no less — also dropped out of the race for the Republican nomination. Coincidence?

“‘We know his goal is to make America great again,’ a woman said. ‘It’s on his hat.’”

There. See? He meant Asians. Asians are the bad immigrants. Good luck, Jeb!

Those expecting a colossal train wreck when Donald Trump went on Don Lemon’s CNN program tonight might have ended up disappointed, but The Donald still managed to engage in his own brand of media scorched-earth campaigning after a debate in which the edge was clearly against him.

The post-debate consensus is in: “Fox News Moderators Bring a Sharpened Edge to the Republican Debate Stage,” raves the Times. They proved the haters wrong!

The Republican debate held at 5 p.m. last night, which featured the current 11th through 17th most popular GOP candidates in the 2016 field, was perhaps the least consequential national debate in American history. This is, of course, exactly why it was so uniquely satisfying to watch.

In tonight’s debate, Fox’s Brett Baier directed a question about the Obama administration potentially allowing transgender soldiers to serve openly in the military to Mike Huckabee, who gave the exact grotesque answer you would expect, saying that the military is “not a social experiment” and that is instead around to “kill people and break things.”

Creepy Waving Cemetery Clown would be the most widely appealing of the 19 current GOP candidates.

In an interview with conservative website Breitbart.com, Republican presidential candidate finally just goes for it, comparing Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler: “It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.”

Louisiana’s Republican governor, Bobby Jindal, told Fox and Friends Friday morning that he’s suspending his presidential campaign in light of the shooting that killed three and injured nine Thursday night at a movie theater in his home state.

The Federal Election Commission Wednesday released the 92-page personal financial disclosure of one Donald J. Trump, a $4 billion puddle of tinted moisturizer haphazardly garnished with hair and eyebrows who wants to be the next president. The Trump-puddle, who oozed slowly down an escalator last month and (inaccurately) declared he was worth $8.7 billion, has increased his claim by more than a billion since then.

Wisconsin governor Scott Walker, the chosen candidate of the billionaire Koch Bros., officially entered the race for the 2016 presidential nomination Monday morning. Walker narrowly survived a recall election in 2012 after forcing through anti-union legislation, and is famous for gutting his state’s public education funding.

Libertarian-esque wet dream Rand Paul is still considered a “serious” candidate for president, in part because people have not had time to fully digest his policy prescriptions. For example: today he proposed a massive tax cut for the rich!

Though we wish it could be so, Elizabeth Warren is not running for president. The dominant narrative has already become: Warren’s supporters will now have to settle for trying to exert influence on Hillary Clinton. Not so fast, narrative!

Damn.

This weekend, sentient rotting pumpkin time-lapse Donald Trump visited Iowa for the Freedom Summit, "a launch point for conservative ideas as we head towards 2016." There he spoke on a variety of topics, chief among them why the Republicans who might run for president are shit and he's great.

The Daily Show is back, providing a palliative balm for the lingering itch where the Colbert Report used to be. But poor Jon Stewart has returned to 2015 only to find the news cycle has already moved on to 2016 (or backward to 1992) with a Clinton vs. Bush race for the White House. Better endorse someone!

I'm not prepared to paper over the faults in my perceptions of politics. I'm not ready to confront whatever comes after post-race. I'm not ready to eulogize whatever vestiges of Black Camelot remain. And I don't know if I'm equipped for the world After Obama.

Washington Post columnist and professional liar Jennifer Rubin is tethered to reality by only the lightest of threads, which is why she understands that recently indicted swaggering moron Rick Perry has never looked stronger as a presidential candidate.