Sure, why the fuck not? "Donald Trump is pairing up with Newsmax, the conservative magazine and news Web site, to moderate a presidential debate in Des Moines on Dec. 27." The Republican party's finally getting serious. (WOW.)

Herman Cain, who's currently having a conversation with his wife that unfortunately isn't available on pay-per-view, sent a note to supporters last night directing them to a new website feature: "Encouragement for Herman Cain." Aww, the poor guy's suicidal.

As his lawyer fought with Piers Morgan on CNN, Herman Cain granted an extended interview to longtime friend Sean Hannity tonight, and—in a rare moment of somewhat effective communication—announced he'll decide by Monday whether or not to continue his campaign. The rest of the interview, though, was classic Cain: a giant mess of half-brained half-truths that cause secondhand embarrassment for everyone else. Here are the worst (and therefore best) four minutes.

On Tuesday, Republican presidential obsessive Mitt Romney agreed to a rare one-on-one interview with Fox News' Brett Baier, which turned quite sour the moment Baier dared to ask Romney why he's been on every side of every issue. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart noted that Romney's reaction when asked about his political flip-flopping resembled that of Herman Cain when asked about alleged mistress Ginger White.

Piers Morgan spent about 30 minutes on his program tonight attempting to interview Lin Wood, the attorney of soon-to-be-former presidential candidate Herman Cain. But try as he might, Morgan simply could not make Wood understand that, when you go on a talk show to answer questions about your client's various sex-related scandals, you're sort of expected to do so. Here are some of the interview's lowlights.

That's it, folks! Roll up the circus tents and pack up the wagons: The nationwide search for a foe worthy enough to do battle with President Obama in the 2012 presidential election is finally over. The nominee is Newt Gingrich. It's done! Over. Kaput. Newt said as much to ABC News's Jake Tapper this afternoon:

The Republican Jewish Coalition is hosting a forum for our merry band of Republican presidential candidates next week. The contenders are expected to flesh out a broad range of opinions about Israel, its future, and its relationship with the United States. Oh, except for Ron Paul, who was not invited. It seems his "extreme views"—like how he would stop giving Israel a few billion dollars each year to purchase weapons from the American defense industry—would be too controversial even within the context of a debate of ideas.

Jon Huntsman is the only sane GOP presidential candidate. I nevertheless find myself eagerly anticipating his demise, if only to slow his viral video star daughters' rapidly accelerating fameball.

Things went down last night at the Pizza Ranch in Waverly, Iowa, at the town hall meeting Michele Bachmann held. One high school student dared to stand up for herself and challenge Bachmann's backward stance on gay marriage.

Give it up for Americans for Herman Cain, the SuperPAC that appears to be competing with the Cain campaign proper to determine which makes the funniest ads. This one here, it's a real treat. It implies that Herman Cain passed a lie detector test, thus conclusively revealing the "truth" about his various sexual harassment allegations. Clever move, Super PAC! But one should note that Herman Cain has not actually taken a lie detector test.

Any day when even a single second of new footage of Mitt Romney trying to interact with human beings hits YouTube is going to be a good day, and here we've got four whole uncut minutes of it! This is quite a score, comedy-wise.

Earlier today, we asked if anyone had seen Herman Cain drinking "like a fish" on the campaign trail. But it looks like we found evidence all on our own! Because he was obviously drunk when he made this map for his website explaining his foreign policy positions.

Does Herman Cain just drink constantly on the campaign trail? We didn't hear much about this as he was becoming the frontrunner, but the faster he plummets, and the more his allies turn on him, the more delicious these stories should become! It's already starting.

During a commercial break yesterday, Wolf Blitzer received news that a woman was about to allege a 13-year extramarital affair with Herman Cain, who happened to be in a CNN studio with Blitzer at that very time. So as anyone who watches things very closely would do, Blitzer proceeded to ask Cain about the forthcoming allegation. And while the actual interview was entertaining in its own right, it pales in comparison to a version played by Conan O'Brien on Wednesday night's episode of Conan, which you'll find above.

Yesterday, a woman named Ginger White came forward alleging a 13-year extramarital affair with Herman Cain, a charge Cain flatly denied (while warning us of its imminence) in an interview with Wolf Blitzer. After praising him for finally having a consensual sex-related scandal on tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart proceeded to poke hole after hole in Cain's weak and improbable denial.

Newt Gingrich has attacked Mitt Romney on the issue of the individual health insurance mandate, while chalking up his own past support for the idea as an indiscretion in the 1990's. But as it turns out, those 1990's stretch all the way to 2005 - and beyond, to 2008 - when Gingrich gave as passionate an explanation of the mandate idea as any current supporter could ever muster.

All of Herman Cain's conservative buddies are ditching him now, after word came out that he was allegedly sexing up a non-wife gal for 13 years. No longer is this a "high tech lynching" in their minds. Why are they ditching this true conservative? Where's the support during tough times? For that, we must turn our attention to the most fascinating place on earth: The Arizona state Senate.

The other storylines are spent: Newt Gingrich surging, Herman Cain maybe dropping out, Mitt Romney hanging in there, still, while being hated by his political party. But about our man Rick Perry? Sure, he's a terrible candidate who screws himself over each time he does anything in public. And his campaign's funding has mostly dried up, although he still has a modest stack of summer cash in the bank. How will he come back, even though he probably won't? It is a three-part strategy.

Poor old Herman Cain has told his senior staff on a conference call this morning that he's "reassessing" whether to stay in the race and will make his final decision in "the next few days," National Review reports.

Remember that completely misleading Mitt Romney ad that attacked President Obama for saying something that was actually said by John McCain, whom Obama was quoting in the video that Romney used to make said ad? On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert explained why Romney should issue No Apology for it.