Less than a month ago, Donald Trump recommended that “everybody” boycott Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly’s “unwatchable” show. Since then, however, America’s favorite Cro-Magnon has apparently evolved on the issue.

On Monday, one of the five people prosecutors say former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert sexually abused filed a lawsuit claiming Hastert failed to pay off a secret $3.5 million dollar settlement, ABC News reports.

The president of the Cleveland Police Patrolman’s Association, Steve Loomis, released a statement today saying that the family of Tamir Rice should spend part of their $6 million wrongful-death settlement to “educate the youth of Cleveland in the dangers associated with the mishandling of both real and facsimile firearms.”

Muskogee County, Ok. district attorney Orvil Loge told Gawker this afternoon that prosecutors will return $53,234 in seized assets to Eh Wah, a man who was pulled over in February while carrying the cash for a Burmese Christian rock band. Loge said his office also dropped a felony criminal charge against Eh Wah, who had been accused of “acquiring proceeds from drug activity.”

The Ted Cruz campaign is reportedly “vetting” former corporate executive and failed presidential candidate Carly Fiorina as a potential running mate, according to The Weekly Standard. We can save them some trouble.

If you make less than $50,000 per year, you will soon be entitled to overtime pay. “Me?” you wonder, glancing around with uncertainty. Yes: You.

There will be no clouds over Moscow on May Day—because military planes will spray them with liquid nitrogen, granulated carbon dioxide and special cement, miles before they ever get to the city. The chemically perforated sky pests will then either immediately disperse or void themselves first, deluging premature rainwater on whatever villages or suburbs they’re over at the time.

The Washington Post has a report out today that on February 27, a sheriff’s deputy in Muskogee County, Oklahoma, seized $53,000 in cash from Eh Wah, the tour manager for a Burmese Christian rock band. Eh Wah had been driving with a broken tail light, and the deputy who pulled him over suspected that he was carrying drug money, despite having found no drugs or paraphernalia in his car. Eh Wah’s attorneys claim that the cash was from concert-ticket sales and donations, some of it set aside for an orphanage in Thailand, and some for a school in Burma. Now they are fighting in court to get the money back.

He’s not wrong.

Actually, Lemonade is Beyoncé’s weakest album since I Am...Sasha Fierce.

Toni Holt Kramer, a former talk-show host and society columnist, is the founder of the Trumpettes, a Palm Beach, Florida-based women’s group supporting Donald Trump—not to be confused with Trumpette, which is a company that makes baby clothes. Kramer is also, by her own account, a long-time friend and campaign contributor to Hillary Clinton.

You can now open an online savings account with Goldman Sachs for only $1. Goldman Sachs is for fucking poor people now. Disgusting.

Donald Trump, who has until now run a campaign almost entirely free of professionals, is beginning to pad out his staff with his former rivals’ sloppy seconds.

A little over a week ago, Ted Cruz’s daughters managed to tolerate their father’s presence for an entire hour while being interviewed on CNN. But being rendered temporarily blind and deaf by Ted’s soup admission, we seem to have missed the night’s (other) big reveal: Multiple copies exist of a video of Ted Cruz dressed as, I guess, a princess, maybe? And friends, readers, countrymen, we want that video.

Prom rules!! It can also send parents into dissociative fugues.

In an interview with ABC News, fossil-fuel tycoon and billionaire Republican financier Charles Koch said that he and his brother David would not attend the GOP convention in July. “Why go?” he asked. “We’re not interested in politics.”

The city of Cleveland has settled a federal lawsuit filed by the family of Tamir Rice, a 12-year-old black child who was fatally shot by police while playing with a pellet gun.

The Los Angeles Times has the story of Brother Nelson, the Jehovah’s Witness known to the rest of the world as Prince. “I look forward to the time we can welcome him back on the Earth,” one of the artist’s fellow congregants in Minnetonka, Minnesota told the paper.

Lin-Manuel Miranda, the creator of the Broadway musicals In the Heights and Hamilton, appeared on yesterday’s edition of Last Week Tonight to address Puerto Rico’s crippling debt crisis. Following host John Oliver’s lengthy introduction about the situation’s manifold origins, Miranda, who was born to Puerto Rican parents in New York City, deployed his prodigious rapping skills to directly implore U.S. officials to grant the American territory immediate economic relief by allowing its government to restructure its debt.

What of the humble “department store,” a physical space in which humans used to peruse goods that they now purchase on Amazon? According to one new analysis, the only way for department stores to live is to die faster.