The TSA Gives Molly Shannon "Head Orgasms"

Aleksander Chan · 05/21/14 06:55AM

Molly Shannon takes the right approach to being patted down by the TSA: treat it like you're at the spa and take advantage of your sensory affliction that causes you to have pleasurable sensations in your head. No big deal.

Here's Hero Cat Throwing Out the First Pitch at a Baseball Game

Taylor Berman · 05/21/14 06:15AM

As promised, Tara the Hero Cat threw out the first pitch at a minor league baseball game yesterday. Well, "threw" is generous. More like Tara—a true southpaw—sort of swatted at the ball, which was on some sort of retractable string, three times before her owner, Roger Triantafilo, gave up and discreetly side-armed another ball to the catcher.

Charlie Day Advises Graduates to Not Give A Shit In Commencement Speech

Dayna Evans · 05/20/14 06:45PM

As videos begin to surface of this past weekend's numerous university commencement speeches, there is only one that is worth reliving graduation for: Charlie Day, who plays Charlie Kelly on It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, gives a meandering, goofy speech to Merrimack College that results in one important lesson: don't be afraid of failure.

5-Year-Old Gets a Superhero Funeral After Battle with Brain Cancer

Jay Hathaway · 05/20/14 04:24PM

Five-year-old Brayden Denton loved comic book heroes from the time he was 3, and watched the Spider-Man movies "over and over." After he was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of brain cancer a year ago, he always had a superhero with him at treatments. And at his funeral this week, superheroes served as his pallbearers.

Can We Stop Trying to Make "Hood Disease" a Real Thing?

Jason Parham · 05/20/14 03:55PM

A report recently released by the Center For Disease Control estimated about 30 percent of inner-city children are affected by post-traumatic stress disorder, an illness commonly associated with soldiers who have returned home from war.

Sarah Hedgecock · 05/20/14 03:29PM

A man tries to escape from a tear-gas-filled building at Nairobi University before being chased back inside by riot police on Tuesday. Kenyan university students protested a proposed increase in fees, but that turned into battles between students throwing rocks and security firing tear gas. Image via Ben Curtis/AP.

Target's Unofficial Slogan: "Expect More (Work), (Get) Paid Less"

Hamilton Nolan · 05/20/14 03:17PM

Target, the slightly less popular and cleaner version of Walmart, is having a terrible year. Today it fired one executive, and clawed back compensation from another. What's the atmosphere like inside Target now? Allow another employee to explain.

The Rumored Plot Details of Jurassic World Sound Absurd

Aleksander Chan · 05/20/14 02:40PM

Because you monsters continue to insist we need these bloated, thinly-plotted blockbusters based on previous blockbusters you liked two decades ago, the latest rumored plot details of the new Jurassic World are definitely not surprising, but absolutely sound dumb.