Ted Cruz is back in the horse race, and this time it’s even more torturous than the last.

“Most of the outlets are reporting on world events from Washington,” Ben Rhodes, President Obama’s deputy national security adviser for strategic communications, told reporters on Friday according to The Washington Post, responding to reports about a narrative meant to mislead about the Iran deal. “The average reporter we talk to is 27 years old, and their only reporting experience consists of being around political campaigns. That’s a sea change. They literally know nothing.”

London elected its new mayor, Sadiq Khan, on Friday, making him the first Muslim person to hold the position in the city—or that of any major western capital, for that matter.

“Wherever there is number, there is beauty,” wrote the Byzantine philospher Proclus Diadochus in the 5th century, unaware how very wrong he was. According to the average plane-riding American, mathematics is now nothing but the Satanical scripture of olive-skinned terrorists.

“Everybody who left town and drove north, between 10,000 and 20,000 of us, knew that at some point we had to return. Past our burning homes and our deserted city,” writes Kevin Thorton, a resident of fire-ravaged Fort McMurray in Alberta, Canada. His piece in The New York Times is a spine-chilling ode to the land that oil sands emptied.

The wordsmiths over at the Hillary Clinton campaign just can’t help themselves from coming up with insipid, potentially self-destructive names for their main opponent, a man whose appearance alone lends itself to an infinite array of much more spectacular nicknames.

Elizabeth Warren, who is doing a far better job humiliating Donald Trump than Hillary Clinton’s own campaign, let loose a scathing string of tweets earlier this evening. I cannot recommend them highly enough.

It’s been a long 67 days since we last heard from Sad Jeb. And considering his sodium-addled state, we were starting to get worried. But fear not. Noted scion Jeb Bush is still here, and he’s (probably) fine(-ish). Also, he’s not voting for President.

Earlier this year, a Hudson County Superior Court judge dismissed a former Jersey City cop’s whistleblower suit against the city itself, Jersey City’s public safety director, two former police chiefs, and eight other police officials. The retired cop, Frank DeFazio, claimed that an anti-government clique operating within the department’s Emergency Services Unit had targeted him for harassment, and that he had been subject to retribution from high-level police officials after he complained.

Donald Trump once famously said that he “could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.” Last night in West Virginia he tried out a get out the vote strategy only slightly less daring than that one.

As has been often noted this election cycle, Donald Trump is a member of the WWE Hall of Fame. Trump and WWE founder Vince McMahon have known each other since 1988, and worked together frequently. But in 2007, Trump and McMahon pretended to be bitter rivals, culminating in Trump shaving McMahon’s head on pay-per-view TV. This was all play-acting, or “work” as its known in professional wrestling. In real life, Trump and McMahon were friends, and the feud was mutually beneficial to both.

Michael Grimm, the former New York congressman who was convicted of felony tax evasion in 2014, is back home on house arrest after a seven-month term in federal prison. The congressman has not ruled out a return to politics, he told NY1 in a recent interview.

Rain mountain! Embryo debate! Mercury crossing! Leopard range! High metabolism! Huge holes! Dead starfish! And grotesque intimations of the carnal kind! It’s your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—until it falls off!

A manhunt was underway Friday afternoon for the suspect in three fatal shootings in the Washington, D.C., area over the past 24 hours, the Associated Press reports. Police identified 62-year-old Eulalio Tordil, a Federal Protective Service employee, as the suspect.

Rob Ford, one hopes, is off dancing to reggae music somewhere in heaven’s Steak Queen franchise. Meanwhile, here on earth, his ghost has deigned to grant presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump the coveted Canadian endorsement.

Did you know that, yesterday, presumptive Republican nominee and cost of our own collective sins Donald Trump ate a taco bowl for lunch? Of course you do. Because for the rest of the day (and well into the night), people couldn’t stop talking about that goddamn tweet. It was phenomenal.

“People derive more happiness from pay when they know they’re earning more than co-workers, research shows. In a famous 1998 study...half of 257 people surveyed said they would rather make $50,000 a year when others around them earned $25,000 than earn $100,000 while peers earned $200,000.”

Late last month, GQ magazine published a profile of Melania Trump. The story was written by Julia Ioffe, who has subsequently been inundated with anti-Semitic death threats from Donald Trump supporters. Or as Trump calls them, fans.

Mark your calendars: In July, the National Archives intends to publicly release over 1,000 pages of records from the George W. Bush administration pertaining to Skull and Bones, the Yale secret society that counts both the former president and his former president father as members. If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll learn whether Dubya’s grandfather Prescott Bush—also a Bonesman—really dug up and stole the skull of Geronimo from the Apache warrior’s grave, as Skull and Bones legend holds he did one night in 1918.

It’s Trump versus Clinton. It’s a well-funded mainstream Democrat against a widely reviled demagogue who will struggle to earn the support of his party’s donor base. It’s a man whose every public utterance is a potential negative ad waiting to be cut, versus the most cautious candidate in modern memory. The Clinton campaign has been given a tremendous gift, as I am sure they know.