Nothing brightens up a Tuesday morning like walking your naked, hooded sex slave down the street with "an unidentified object in his anus." That's what a West Virginia bondage enthusiast did yesterday, according to police reports obtained by The Smoking Gun.

Justin Bieber just posted the above photo to Instagram. It's a photo of Orlando Bloom crying, or a photo of Orlando Bloom looking like he's crying, in case you were wondering if Bieber had an official comment on the most hilarious beef of the year/decade/century/millennium/Willennnium.

The New York Times has added an editors’ note to an article containing a passage lifted from Wikipedia: “That passage improperly used specific language and details from a Wikipedia article without attribution; it should not have been published in that form.”

Andrew Engle — a 27-year-old Michigan man who, wearing only a towel, accidentally discharged his gun while banging on a local pizzeria's windows until one shattered because he was angry that the restaurant was closed even though it was actually open — may have taken acid before his arrest Saturday.

Toys "R" Us shoppers were apparently sent into a panic by a realistic diaper-changing baby doll that was a little bit more realistic than they expected. The little bit in question is the doll's tiny infant dick.

Martha Stewart, a "curious, inquisitive, experimental entrepreneur who cares about the world we live in" cares a lot about one thing in particular: her drone. Drones are her "thing" now. Drones are trending:

Earlier today, a school being used as a U.N. shelter was shelled in Gaza, killing at least 17 Palestinians and injuring 90. Israel took some responsibility for the attack, explaining that its military "fired back after its soldiers were targeted by mortar rounds launched from the vicinity of the school." The U.S. condemned the shelling without blaming Israel.

David "Pig Pen" Sedaris, mainly known for his volunteer efforts to pick up trash all over the Horsham district of Sussex, England, recently received an honor appropriate to his fantastic work, the West Sussex County Times reported this week.

If you read nothing else for the rest of your life, read the paragraph below that details how ex-Virginia governor, onetime presidential hopeful, and repository of family values Bob McDonnell and his wife plan to defend themselves against federal corruption charges.

Six-year-old Jack recently had surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from his brain, which left without much mobility on the left side of his body. He's undergoing physical therapy to regain some arm movement, and one of his prescribed exercises is 4 reps of feeding treats to a friendly dog.

Staten Island police arrive at the scene of an alleged crime, where they find a middle-aged black man. He resists arrest, maybe, so they rough him up a bit. After a while, he complains that he's having difficulty breathing, but medical attention arrives too late, and he dies.

This month, Tim Murphy wrote in New York magazine, "This summer—on social media, on Fire Island, at the Christopher Street pier, and in certain cohorts around the ­country—what many gay men are talking about among themselves is Truvada." That's been my experience too, that the debate over using the drug as pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) against HIV has only intensified during the first half of this year.

This is an axe in a windshield on I-95 in Massachusetts. How did this particular axe get in that particular windshield, not far from that particular woman's head? The Massachusetts State Police explain:

The terrific, radiant, humble thingamajig of a fine phenomenon that was the hero pig on the loose in and scaring residents of Oakland, Maine has been caught. Bad humans! This ends his three-week reign of terror, which is still a good run for a 4-month-old.

Being an EDM DJ is definitely a cool job. You get paid tons of money. You get to travel the world. Also, doing drugs is basically part of your career. But sometimes you can probably do too many drugs and all of a sudden you find yourself in front of hundreds of thousands of people as deafening music blares and hoooooly shit whaaaaat is happening.

Police have reported that an intruder broke into a couple's home in Albuquerque, N.M. on Sunday evening, put back a big ole bottle of Sprite, then got naked. The couple allegedly found the trespassing hero asleep in their bed, like some blissful adult male Goldilocks.

Like an urban legend sprung to life, a quiet, mysterious woman shrouded entirely in flowing black clothing has been spotted walking on roadsides all along the Appalachian U.S. in recent weeks.

"The last woman you heard from said it's a person's First Amendment right to hang a poster like that on a pole, and she said it was also her freedom of speech right to take down that poster, and throw it in the garbage." Brooklynites would rather not be told to "dress modestly" in public.

There are two competing schools of thought when it comes to Game of Thrones spoilers. One holds that anything that hasn't appeared on HBO is a spoiler that should be kept tightly under wraps. The other argues the books have been available for years, and viewers who don't want to be surprised by unaired plot details have a responsibility to read them.

Thousands of law students across the country are approaching benzodiazepene overdose right now because the software several states' bar exams like to use, known as ExamSoft, screwed the pooch.