Nathan Heller, a Magazine Writer, attended an "élite college." He is characteristically (for an "élite college" alumnus) reluctant to name it in the latest issue of America's Last Bulwark Against the Death of Culture. (He does tell us it ain't Yale.)

With Last Week Tonight taking the week off, John Oliver filmed this web-only segment about two things he strongly dislikes: Inaccurate internet headlines and piñatas. Fuck piñatas.

Though it was originally reported that pint-sized whistle tone conduit Ariana Grande wore a dress by Moschino to the VMAs last night, we've just received word she actually borrowed it from her good friend, Bratz! doll Cloe.

Every time I drive on the New Jersey Turnpike I see one of these billboards, and every time I see one of these billboards I start getting a phantom headache. The crisp, compact jpeg here doesn't do justice to the image looming beside the highway: Clive Owen's pained gaze, caught between excesses of light and of shadow, as he shoves a lowball glass toward the viewer, like he's trying to ward something off with it.

Mike Bloomberg, the 16th richest human in the world, is no longer the mayor of NYC. He is merely a private citizen who made $6 billion last year. He says he wants to give his fortune away before he dies. Is that enough to make him good?

Cersei Lannister's most important (non-incestuous) nude scene from Game of Thrones is proving difficult to film, due to a dispute with the Croatian church that was supposed to provide the backdrop.

Rich: Hola, Caity! Como estas?

Georgia Republicans on Capitol Hill have succeeded in saving a military base from the chopping block by awarding it a new mission: training Afghan bomber pilots to rain fire and steel from the sky on U.S. soil.

Boko Haram, the militant Islamic group that has been kidnapping women, girls, and boys and capturing territory in northern Nigeria, has declared an Islamic caliphate. The Nigerian army already rejected the claim as "empty," noting that the "sovereignty and territorial integrity of the Nigerian state is still intact."

Flooding during Bangladesh's yearly summer monsoon season has forced 500,000 residents into homelessness and caused scores more to lose their crops. Streets throughout the northern area of the country have reportedly been swept away.

In the midst of last night's awesome televised Beyoncé concert—technically known as MTV's Video Music Awards—there was a pause to acknowledge recent events in Ferguson, Mo.

Before she became Nicki Minaj, signed to Young Money, and made millions of dollars being a Boss Ass Bitch, young Onika Maraj had a different dream: To become a nurse and help people in need.

Natalie Eaton, 18, was impaled by a golf club in a freak accident at one of Arkansas State University's first parties of this year. According to police, two guys were tossing a football back and forth at a Kappa Alpha rush cookout when one decided to "bat" the football with the club. The club broke and "impaled Eaton in the left side of her neck."

A new Pew poll suggests that 14 percent of Americans—mainly male non-black college grads who make $75,000 or more—identify as "libertarian." Nearly a quarter of those self-identified libertarians failed to correctly identify what libertarians believe.

The clip depicting American James Foley's beheading at the hands of an ISIS jihadi may have been staged, according to forensic video analysts commissioned by the UK Times. The experts don't dispute that Foley was murdered, however, and believe his death may have occurred after the camera stopped rolling.

For food-like dining chain McDonald's, young people—who have not yet had time to develop a discriminating palate—have always been their "bread and butter." No longer. What's wrong, millennials? Have you lost your bad taste?

Anyone unfamiliar with the way the U.S. treats dead young black men should take a look at today's New York Times front-page mini-profile of Michael Brown, the unarmed 18-year-old who was shot and killed by a police officer in Ferguson, Mo. earlier this month. It's headlined "Michael Brown Spent Last Weeks Grappling With Problems and Promise"—problems, you say?

Police officers in Forney, Tx. made the unforgivable mistake of pulling over a woman and her four children in early August, handcuffing her, and holding the whole family at gunpoint until they realized they'd pulled over the wrong car.

Dave Chappelle made a surprise return this weekend to the Oddball Comedy Festival in Hartford, Conn.—the same festival where he cut his headline set short last year because the audience wouldn't stop heckling him. Needless to say, it went a lot better this time.

The American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends that middle and high schools begin their day no earlier than 8:30 a.m. to allow for adequate rest for teens. The correct answer to "What time should school start?" is "whenever the poor teachers want."