There are unspoken perks to having your dad be the basketball coach and an assistant principal at your high school. Like if you're the son of Cool Dad Abdurrahim Ali, formerly of Bread and Roses High School in Harlem, you get 11 of your failing grades changed to passing ones.

The largest-ever outbreak of Ebola could eventually affect 20,000 people—seven times more than the current number of cases—before it runs its course, according to a new report from the World Health Organization. Months after the disease was first identified, reported cases are still sharply rising.

Following up on its non-endorsement of New York governor Andrew Cuomo's challenger, Zephyr Teachout, the New York Times today endorsed Teachout's running mate, Tim Wu, for lieutenant governor. Because Cuomo is a terrible cynic with no identifiable values, his chosen lieutenant governor candidate, Kathy Hochul, is a right-wing creep added to the ticket to pander to upstate voters. (Or possibly, as the Times theorizes, she's a cynic herself, who pretends to be right-wing to pander to upstate voters.)

After capturing the Tabqa military base in northeastern Syria, ISIS militants reportedly killed at least 65 Syrian soldiers on Wednesday. According to the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, "some were shot to death, while others were killed with knives." ISIS also bragged on Twitter about killing "about 200" government prisoners, though the Associated Press couldn't immediately verify that claim.

The water wars that will, in short order, come to consume our nation and the world are growing in intensity. In the earthquake-and-drought cocktail that is California, humans and fish are already locked in a pitched battle for survival.

Jiff the Pomeranian, an alive teddy bear that technically counts as a dog, has set two new landspeed records for running on two legs, according to Guinness World Records. Who's a good boy? Jiff is, Guinness judges confirmed.

Clay is the hottest new beauty product for celebrities. Forget other forms of soil. Only clay has today's most popular mix of dirt, water, and trace minerals. Do not be caught consorting with silt, mud, or quicksand—clay is this season's soil of choice.

The leader of the pro-Russian separatists warring with Ukrainian forces in the country's southeastern border has claimed that thousands of Russian military are supporting their offensive. "There have been around 3,000-4,000 of them in our ranks," separatist leader and Donetsk People's Republic Prime Minister Aleksandr Zakharchenko announced on Russian state television, claiming these Russian forces are former servicemen and current soldiers on leave.

Noted hater of non-Vogue photographers and seething cauldron of emotion Kanye West is now insisting there's no way he would have attacked a paparazzo outside LAX last summer, because he's actually part paparazzi himself.

Ailina Tsarnaeva—sister of accused Boston Marathon bombers Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev—turned herself in to New York City police Wednesday evening after allegedly making bomb threats during a telephone call.

A Chicago police commander was arrested this week after evidence surfaced earlier this year that he had shoved his gun inside a 24-year-old suspect's mouth during an investigation.

One of the men accusing X-Men director Bryan Singer of sex abuse voluntarily dropped his lawsuit today, apparently because he couldn't find another lawyer to take on the case after his original lawyer quit.

Hot news out of Japan: Hello Kitty—a stuffed animal that looks like a cat, talks like a cat, and is named after a cat—actually isn't a cat at all.

Between withheld information, unnecessary use of force, and aggression toward journalists, it should be clear by now that police in Ferguson colossally mishandled the aftermath of Michael Brown's death. A new Mother Jones report, however, paints an even bleaker picture than we've already seen.

Lulu's Bar in Greenpoint, where you can get a free pizza for every drink you order, is closing this month. Good. All free pizza bars should be closed.

Oh boy. We've long been aware that there is no room for irony in the vacuum of cable news, but Bill O'Reilly's segment last night on White Privilege™ was really something special. It doesn't exist, the man says! A lie perpetrated by a society of humans too goddamn lazy to overcome the disadvantages they are born into and most importantly: Bill O'Reilly himself.

With police brutality at the forefront of the national conversation, a Florida police chief took to the YouTube comments section Tuesday to defend the actions of an officer caught on video pointing his weapon into a car full of black men who refused to stop filming the cops.

Whites: are you a liberal who is sympathetic to the plight of oppressed minorities in America, but unsure how you—a white—can help? Fortunately, god invented XO Jane advice columns for this very reason.

Hey—weird question—did you donate a human skull to the Goodwill on North Lamar Boulevard in Austin, Texas? If so, no big deal, but the police would like to "circle up" with you.

Sheila Weller's dishy new tell-all book The News Sorority: Diane Sawyer, Katie Couric, Christiane Amanpour—and the (Ongoing, Imperfect, Complicated) Triumph of Women in TV News won't hit shelves for a full month, but its best anecdote just exploded onto the web like 5-7 ml of semen into the mouth of Diane Sawyer, allegedly ushered there by her own enthusiastic efforts, at least according to Katie Couric (also allegedly).