Stephen Colbert responded to the weekend's biggest news—the theft and publication of a bunch of female celebrities' private nude photos—by taking a stand against looking at or sharing the ill-gotten nudes.

Mustachioed CEO-whisperer Thomas Friedman is a bit of a savant when it comes to the Middle East. So yes, now that you ask, he does have some thoughts about ISIS. Some... kind... of thoughts.

Months after an escaped steer was shot and killed in the streets of Baltimore, another freedom-seeking bovine died a hero's death in Germany. The cow, later nicknamed Bavaria, fled a Munich slaughterhouse Tuesday and went on a wild rampage through the city, leading police on a high-speed chase towards Oktoberfest and goring a jogger before finally being put down.

The National Security Council has confirmed the authenticity of the video released by ISIS yesterday depicting the beheading of American journalist Steven Sotloff, the second such video in two weeks. "Whatever these murderers think they'll achieve by killing innocent Americans like Steven, they have already failed," President Obama, speaking from Estonia, said Wednesday. "We will not forget, and our reach is long and justice will be served."

[Taiwanese landscapers casually trim grass in front of the world's largest ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, an 82-foot sculpture created by Dutch artist Florentijn Hofman. Image by Wally Santana via AP.]

Russian dash cams capture a lot of weird activity, but this bizarre cartoon beat down has got to be one of the strangest.

Police in Florida say a suspect might have gotten away last week, if it weren't for those meddling cats.

Actress Eva Longoria says there's another security issue at Apple: its star-struck employees.

Darren Wilson is among the most notorious men in the country. But almost no one has a good sense of what he looks like. The only publicly released photo of him came from his father—until a set of photos gleaned from public social media accounts appeared tonight.

The police report from the tragic accidental gun range shooting involving a nine-year-old girl was apparently released today, and it's being described as a "chilling portrait" of a family whose lives were forever changed in a split second.

In a dry spell without Last Week Tonight, we're still getting plenty of John Oliver. He spoofed Sesame Street in a segment about prisons last month, and now he's teamed up with Cookie Monster to anchor a news show about vocabulary words. It's sort of like Last Week Tonight, but with less cursing and more monsters.

Richard Easton, a high-dollar Manhattan matchmaker who once appeared on The Real Housewives of New York City, has the severe cheekbones and casually intense speaking manner of a violent psychopath. A lawsuit filed this week alleges that yes—why yes—that's exactly what he is.

"Out of respect for everyone involved and in keeping with our own standards," the Prostate Cancer Foundation wrote in a statement today, "we are returning all donations" that resulted from Reddit's so-called Fappening fundraiser. Jennifer Lawrence, we're sure, is very upset.

A Florida man is facing a charge of misdemeanor battery after he allegedly groped a female Taco Bell employee's butt through the drive-thru window during fourthmeal Saturday morning.

Recently defeated House Majority Leader Eric Cantor is joining an investment bank, where he will get rich advising corporate clients on deals. Meanwhile, enrollment in the food stamp program, for which Cantor voted to cut funding, is down. So everyone is doing well.

A third American has contracted Ebola while in Liberia. The unidentified man is a doctor who was working in obstetrics—not the Ebola unit—at a hospital in the capital of Monrovia. According to The Guardian, it's not clear how he got infected with the virus. He's employed by the missionary group SIM.

Retail juggernaut Walmart maintains an internal website for employees only. There, Walmart workers are free to bitch anonymously to executives. Sometimes, these comments are leaked to us.

A South Carolina 16-year-old is suing the state Department of Motor Vehicles, claiming he was told to remove his makeup before he could have his driver's license photo taken.

Fox News' Outnumbered, the show where one rotating male guest explains to a group of women how cat calls are flattering and Michelle Obama is fat, had a segment on celebrity nudes today. Dude expert Greg Gutfeld pointed out to the ladies that while being mad at the hackers who released Kate Upton's nudes is fine, we should all be equally as mad at Edward Snowden.

Two Darren Wilson-supporting GoFundMe campaigns/internet hang-out spots for trolls and racists stopped taking donations over the weekend amid confusion about what the fundraisers could legally do with the money. Together, they've raised $433,170 since Michael Brown's death.