Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj performed their "Flawless" remix live for the first time last night at a stop on Beyoncé and Jay Z's "On the Run" tour in Paris. You can watch it now, if you want!

A man in California was arrested on stalking and animal cruelty charges after allegedly killing his ex-girlfriend's Pomeranian and feeding him to her.

New York Knicks owner and JD & the Straight Shot frontman Jim Dolan is bored with ruining the Knicks. His next project: Ruining music.

Mark Sanford, the one-time South Carolina governor who chose the undeniably better life of living with his Argentinian lover-turned-girlfriend before heading to Washington as a member of the House, announced in a lengthy Facebook post that he and that girlfriend have called off their impending wedding. (Don't worry, they'll still fuck.)

Cool Pope is at it again. This Sunday, he's going to marry 20 couples who are already cohabiting. Some of the couples even have kids! Their poor Catholic grandmothers are going to feel so much better now. (Cohabitation is a sin in the Catholic Church).

The volume of gray matter in one region of your brain predicts how much tolerance you have for financial risk. Our economy will always be ruined by big-headed people.

According to Billboard, Apple is reportedly pouring at least $100 million into a campaign surrounding U2's new album, which you may be aware of after it was put onto your phone without your consent. A large sum of that money went directly to U2, while the public got a new U2 album for free. Let's tally up the winners and losers of this transaction.

Ellen continued its week of showcasing cute kids from the Internet who are known for saying a word yesterday with the adorable, bow-tied "exasperating" kid. (He's still not terribly on board with the idea of having a new brother or sister, if you're wondering.)

Hungary's tightening vice on its press amounts to "an autocratic crackdown," Philip N. Howard, a professor at the Central European University and at the University of Washington, writes in the New York Times—taking specific aim at Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban's control of the country's Media Authority, which monitors media competition and issues broadcast licenses:

Two men walking towards one another meet in a narrow hallway, wide enough for only one to pass. "Ladies first," says one man, slyly. A riddle: What is the other man's reply? A hint: Women have not been invented.

Saturday, Jim Dolan and his band JD & The Straight Shot will open for the fuckin' Eagles at Madison Square Garden, a storied venue that Dolan happens to own. The performance will surely go down in history as the moment the 59-year-old billionaire Cablevision CEO and father of six became World's Coolest Dad.

Rep. James Clyburn, a sweet old Democrat from South Carolina who may or may not own a cellular device, has some ideas about how to organize voters in Ferguson and elsewhere. He told a C-SPAN caller, "We've got great tools to communicate... We can text—what do we call it? Sexting. Let's do some … organizing over the Internet."

Starting at the end of this month, every Walmart worker will have to wear a blue company vest. Employees aren't happy about the new dress code—but what a good opportunity for Walmart to fulfill its promise of supporting American-made products!

Diane Foley, whose son James was beheaded by ISIS earlier this month, told ABC News that an Obama official threatened her and her family over his ransom payments. According to Diane, a high-ranking military officer in President Obama's National Security Council told her she'd be prosecuted for supporting terrorism if she paid the ransom to ISIS.

You've probably been busy eating real food to notice that America's favorite breadstick-shaped-baked-wheat purveyor, Olive Garden, is currently in the grips of a nasty proxy fight. Starboard Value LP, an investor in Darden Restaurants Inc.—Olive Garden's parent company—is vying for control of the Darden's board as sales, namely at Olive Garden, languish. And in a nearly 300-page slideshow takedown, Starboard takes Darden to task for what they believe to be poor business practices, most notably: Olive Garden does not salt their pasta water.

Toronto mayor and perennial headline-maker Rob Ford removed his name from the running for re-election today amid news that doctors discovered a tumor in his abdomen. His brother, Councillor Doug Ford, will reportedly run for mayor in next month's election in his stead.

Eating booty is on the rise. If you are considering joining the Eat-A-Booty gang, these 12 songs make the perfect soundtrack. Bon appétit!

Getting doored—that is, having a driver or passenger open a car's door into you as you ride by—is a constant, looming threat for urban cyclists. The point-of-view video above, shot near New York City's Union Square, shows exactly what it's like when it happens, but the real drama comes after the crash.

If we ever hope to be a truly fair representative democracy, we need to have campaign finance reform. The Republicans in the Senate have just blocked a proposed Constitutional amendment that might help do that. In America, the money owns the people. Not the other way around.

Like he did with Coachellea and fake band names, Jimmy Kimmel sent "Lie Witness News" team to New York's Lincoln Center as Fashion Week wraps to dupe aspiring fashion know-it-alls into saying they like designers that are actually just pop culture figures (Betsy Ross, Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia). "Chandler Bing, I have heard of," one insists. Have you?