Heartless Couple Sells Home, Throws in Son's Cat for an Extra $140,000

Jay Hathaway · 10/14/14 01:10PM

An Australian couple selling their multi-million-dollar home had a tough decision to make when the buyer refused to close the deal unless he could also have their cat, Tiffany. The Perceval family agreed to the proposal in exchange for an extra $140,000, news.com.au reported. They don't seem to have any regrets.

Underage Idiot Bros Go to Police Station Drunk to Get Their Drunk Pal

Allie Jones · 10/14/14 11:57AM

Three underage stooges got themselves booked into jail this weekend for possession of alcohol in Indianapolis after a rescue mission went awry. In the wee hours of Sunday morning, Hanni Bichir, 20, and Triston Burton, 19, drunkenly presented themselves to police at the local jail, which was already housing their friend.

Reality TV Stories: "Who in Here Is a Jew?"

Hamilton Nolan · 10/14/14 10:54AM

The rumbles of workplace discontent among reality television workers are not stopping. Some hopeful signs are emerging. But shitty conditions in the industry persist. Let's hear more!

Jimmy Kimmel Finally Discovers Dick-Shaped Weather Patterns

Jay Hathaway · 10/14/14 10:52AM

Ever since TV meteorologists gained the power to draw on their digital maps, they've been inadvertently—and sometimes intentionally—drawing dicks. Jimmy Kimmel finally caught onto this long-running phenomenon and assigned a staffer to cover the rapidly expanding weatherdick beat.

Collector Opens a Magic Card Worth $25,000, Absolutely Flips His Shit

Jay Hathaway · 10/14/14 10:00AM

There's a good reason the guy in this video is completely losing his shit over the Magic: The Gathering cards he just opened. The deck he's unwrapping, from Magic's very first set, now sells for nearly $6,000—and he just turned an enormous profit.

Adam Weinstein · 10/14/14 09:36AM

One American has been killed and another injured after being shot by an assailant on the street in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia's capital. State reports say the Americans were in their vehicle at a gas station in the eastern part of the city. There have been unconfirmed reports that the assailant was dressed in Afghan garb.

This Is the Lamest Contestant Story Ever Told on Jeopardy

Jay Hathaway · 10/14/14 08:55AM

"Is this the worst Jeopardy story ever?" asked a tipster in an email last night. "A contestant on Jeopardy told perhaps the stupidest story in the show's history," said this Uproxx headline. As you know, the internet is given to hyperbole and exaggeration in its ongoing quest to find the worst and the stupidest. Was this really it? Yes, probably. Yes.

A Replay of the 1989 San Francisco Earthquake Is Probably Coming

Hamilton Nolan · 10/14/14 08:38AM

San Francisco has become America's foremost symbol of gentrification, lack of affordable housing, and twentysomethings who inexplicably make ten times more than you ever will. Scientists say the earthquake that will wipe it all away is now "locked and loaded."

Kim Jong-un Reappears After Six Week Absence Sporting Cane and Smile

Aleksander Chan · 10/14/14 07:10AM

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, who has been a no-show at public events in the country since Sept. 3, appeared to return to the public eye Tuesday with photos of him touring building projects running on the front page of North Korea's daily, Rodong Sinmun. His limp of mysterious provenance was also back, along with a cane that only fuels speculation that the head of the totalitarian regime is unwell.

Taylor Swift and Her BFF's BF Release Song Probably About Harry Styles

Jordan Sargent · 10/13/14 11:50PM

Lena Dunham's best friend released her new song tonight—co-written with Dunham's boyfriend The Other Guy From That Band—and, for anyone out there who has drawn a sprawling map of Taylor Swift's relationships on their bedroom walls, it's the one everyone thinks is written about Harry Styles.