Do you know where your Miley Cyrus is? According to E! News, she's with Arnold Schwarzenegger's pizza king son, 21-year-old Patrick. The two were seen riding Universal Studios' haunted hayride and skulking through the corn maze together last Thursday, which is how you know it's on.

Susan Sherman quit her job at St. Margaret Mary Catholic School in Louisville, Ken. this week after the school—fearing Ebola—demanded she take "precautionary leave" and place herself into 21-day quarantine following her mission trip to Kenya. There apparently was "strong parent concerns" that Sherman might have been exposed to Ebola, even though Kenya is on the opposite end of the continent from where the virus has been spreading.

A mom pretending to be her daughter to get out of a traffic stop had a pretty quick explanation for her unlikely appearance—a rare medical condition that caused her to age rapidly.

The British banker arrested in Hong Kong for murdering two women in a crime spree apparently inspired by American Psycho left a major clue in his Merrill Lynch email autoreply.

Police say a man in India took the law into his own hands when he used a fake dinner invitation to lure his daughter's alleged rapist over for a night of torture and, ultimately, murder.

An armed security guard who lost his job after taking an elevator ride with President Obama says the only thing he did wrong was trust that the Secret Service knew what it was doing.

This weekend, the internet circulated a supposed leaked internal memo detailing Beyoncé's next album—an expanded version of last year's BEYONCÉ, which came out of nowhere (as far as the average civilian music fan was concerned) and with a video for each track. Per the document, which features the logos of Beyoncé's management company (Parkwood Entertainment) and the record label she is signed to (Columbia), a digital version will drop a week from Friday (Nov. 14), and a 4-disc physical set is due Nov. 25. The re-release will feature the original BEYONCÉ album, a new disc of 11 new songs (including the already released "***Flawless" remix with Nicki Minaj), a DVD of both albums' videos, a DVD of her Mrs. Carter concert, and a final DVD of her On the Run show with Jay Z.

In celebration of the almost-annual winter return of the McRib, McDonald's dropped a few videos today that purport to reveal the secrets of everyone's favorite barbecue sauce-covered restructured pork item. They do, kind of.

Fuck Expedia. A friendly Canadian man named Jordan Axani has a great deal for offer on Reddit right now: If your name is Elizabeth Gallagher, you can fly around the world with him for free!

Twenty-five thousand people of all ages, drunk on cuteness: That was Hello Kitty Con.

Today in the cutthroat world of New York City real estate: a psychotic landlord who allegedly plotted to burn his Bed Stuy home to the ground while two squatters were living inside. While planning the razing, Lalbahadour Byjoo allegedly told an undercover cop he "liked his steak well done."

Before Bleach, and Nevermind, and the grunge explosion and Courtney Love and Frances Bean and the shotgun and the tributes, there was just Kurt Cobain with a tape recorder and a bunch of weird sounds, song excerpts and beats he collected in this newly re-found 1988 cassette-tape mix, "Montage of Heck."

Ben Stein, a horny, horny man, went on Fox News yesterday to discuss his ideas about race and the upcoming presidential election. Great idea! Specifically, the old frog-faced lump of play-doh claimed that Barack Obama is the most racist president in the history of the United States. Let's dig in.

After a Democratic campaign event in his home state of Arkansas, Bill Clinton flitted mothlike toward a raised cameraphone, wedging himself into a shot of a tired, cold little girl who just didn't want to be there. The resulting photo is insanely popular.

Robyn Rihanna BadGalRiRi BackOnInstagram Fenty is Elle's December cover girl. The cover story's not out for a week, but in a limited Q&A released today, the mag reveals RiRi's Christmas wish, which we are all dying to know:

In a freak accident that does nothing to calm your fears of objects falling from the sky and killing you, a construction worker in Jersey City died this morning after a one-pound tape measure fell 50 stories and hit him in the head.

The Daily Mail reported today that a high school teacher in Santiago del Estero, Argentina had been suspended after sleeping with a 16-year-old student who made a sex tape and leaked it to his friends. The story has been going viral on Spanish-language news sites since last week. It's (mostly) fake. Let us explain.

Wealthy candidates from both political parties are being relentlessly attacked for their wealth in campaign ads, even though they are running for a job that exclusively serves the interests of the wealthy.

NPR is reporting that Tom Magliozzi, one of the two hosts of the wildly popular public radio show Car Talk, has passed away at 77, of complications from Alzheimer's disease.