Though Anne Hathaway offers herself up as a drinking buddy for the low price of $12,000, you can retain her services as a wedding hero for free — at least, if you're her gay brother.

When a tipster told me that workers at eBay France had created a lip-dub video, my hopes were high. But I should never have expected great things from eBay.

Where most media have moved on from courting Twilight fans, MTV has one remaining drop of profit to wring from the condescension flood. To wit, Twilight

Last week, we gave you a photo of Rush Limbaugh's ladyfriend wearing what looks to be an engagement ring. It's been a week and no one's followed up with a confirmation?

Terrified and unpopular New School president Bob Kerrey has canceled his scheduled meeting with student reps tonight, citing "security" reasons. Pussy! Meanwhile the student revolutionaries may clash again with police stormtroopers!

Detroiters line up today for items like food, toiletries, and toys in one of the poorest areas in the country, with a vast underclass and barely-perceptible aboveground economy colliding with the long-dead auto industry. [Getty]

Well, it's come to this:

Friend of the commoner Tom Wolfe is all white on the outside. But don't judge. The Observer caught up with the fancy author and had him explain what the rappers are talking about (SEX):

What did comedian Michael Ian Black do to get banned from Facebook? I'd like to think it was karmic payback for providing the voice of the Pets.com sock puppet, an enduring icon of dotcom disaster.

Jeremy Piven quit his Broadway show three months early because of an overexposure to mercury. Sounds serious! And fake! So who's treating him? A celebrity doctor with a shady past named Carlon Colker.

Though Michael Cera has voiced skepticism about the Arrested Development movie, at least there are still some more original cast members willing to board the stair car.

Sam Bottoms, who contributed key supporting roles in the classic '70s bookends The Last Picture Show and Apocalypse Now, died Tuesday from a brain tumor. He was 53.

• Giorgio Armani is moving ahead with his massive Fifth Avenue flagship, which he says will open on February 18th: "New York needs glamour. It needs size. This store is an act of faith toward the Americans and Fifth Avenue shoppers." [Racked]
• Alice Temperley is the latest designer to announce she's skipping a Fashion Week runway show. [WSJ]
• Tommy Hilfiger, however, is moving to the tents this year, and Max Azria says his three shows will go ahead as planned. [WWD, WSJ]
• Pamela Anderson is the newest model for Vivienne Westwood. [R29]
• Agy Deyn appears in a new, T-sponsored movie. [Fashionista]
• Donna Karan has cancelled her Christmas party. [WWD]
• What it's like to shop at Bergdorf as the wife of a Russian gazillionaire. [NYT]

When Jeremy Piven dropped out of Speed-the-Plow today and cited a "high mercury count" as the reason, we wondered whether that excuse could possibly be topped. As it turns out, it could!

Massive advertising/ PR/ marketing conglomerate Omnicom (the most appropriately sinister name in the industry, btw) leaked word yesterday that they're planning on laying off 5% of their workforce, about 3,500 people. And now the axe is swinging—we hear that 200 staffers were just laid off at ad agency BBDO. "They have till the end of the day to pack up," notes our tipster. Better hurry, guys! No word on whether the BBDO sex tape participants were counted against that 200.

Yesterday, Barack Obama's inauguration committee announced its choice for invocation speaker: controversial Saddelback founder Rick Warren. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, no doubt expecting a bomb-laden address from William Ayers, couldn't have been more pleased.

Hearty congrats to Deborah Trachtenberg, the fame-obsessed partygoer better known as Devorah Rose: According to the social networking site aSmallWorld (which is still in business, by the way), she's the 34th most notable social in New York! (All that money she's been handing over to Columbia seems to be paying off nicely, doesn't it?) The "Top 100" list appears in the debut issue of "aSmallMagazine," which promises to cover the "cultural return to sincerity," an era defined by "the end of flash and a return to substance." How does placing socialites on a list constitute "substance"? Did we mention the issue also has "a peak behind the walls of one of the world's last totalitarian regimes, North Korea." It does! They've covered all the bases! aSmallWorld's announcement to site members is below.

So it's happened: the Montauk Monster has sold out. This Brazilian Volkswagen ad purportedly features a "dogfish," but its true identity is clear. You've come a long way, Monty. Video proof after the jump:

Variety today offers a disturbing memo to anyone who had "DreamWorks' resurgence FTW" in their forecast of industry predictions for 2009: Maybe next year.

Oh, the fun they have on Fox & Friends. Karl Rove is brandishing a shoe and screaming "DOOCY!" and then he makes a joke about when Bush met Putin, and everyone is just having a ball.