Justice so sweet, you can taste it: Instead of cash or stock, bankers at Credit Suisse will get their bonuses in the form of the devalued mortgage bonds they helped peddle.

Something to think about while you're biting into that yellowfin tuna roll tonight: Jeremy Piven's sketchy doctor claims the mercury poisoning that supposedly caused him to bail out of Speed-the-Plow (and escape New York altogether) was caused by eating too much sushi. His doctor didn't explain where all this mercury-laden sushi came from, but we'll go ahead and assume he isn't planning to pin the blame on Nobu considering he was banned from all of Nobu Matsuhisa's restaurants last year. [Us]

Awards excitement! London Film Critics give Slumdog six nominations, and Frost/Nixon and Happy-Go-Lucky three each. Chicago Critics named Wall-E Best Picture, in line with LA's own shadowy cabal of professional movie-opinion-havers.

It's JDS. It's Top Chef time. Both AIDS and Christmas came to town during last night's episode.

Stolid, competent NBC political director Chuck Todd just got his consolation prize for being passed over as host of Meet the Press: the network named him the new chief White House Correspondent.

Baz Luhrmann takes a long time to make a movie. His Australia came out seven years after Moulin Rouge!, which came out five years after Romeo + Juliet. The gestation periods are so long that nothing is ever set in stone, in terms of his future projects, until cameras have started rolling. Which is why we chuckle a bit and scratch our heads when Nikki Finke says that the Aussie is definitely doing a Great Gatsby movie for his next endeavor. Nothing is ever definite with this man! Look at some other Luhrmann rumors that haven't—but may still!—come to fruition.

Hung—HBO's titillating new comedy about an endowed high school football coach who uses his horse-geezer to his own advantage—has been picked up to series.

What is it, exactly, that makes people unwisely crave luxury goods? Now we know: it's chocolate truffles. Science has proven it!:

Looking for a last-minute rental for the holidays? It's your lucky day. Tony Danza's ski house in Park City is now available. Private hot tub, wraparound patio/deck, and large-screen projection TV included. Price negotiable! [Real Estalker]

12/17 — CHRIS COOPER at El Coyote. Scrubbed clean (teeth looking great, BTW! Who knew?!). Wearing urban hipster hoodie fitting right in with the crowd. I'm in town from NY so I made sure he didn't notice me noticing him. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

Craig Newmark, the hypernerdy classifieds-site operator who's destroying the newspaper industry, has found the limits of Craigslist. After repeated appeals online, he's taken to looking for a pair of lost glasses using old media.

A reader recently suggested that the time has come to retire the term douchebag. We agree. It's been a dear friend, but it's time to find a new word to describe the people we despise.

Will the futurist gurus at the New York Times Op-Ed department ever stop blowing our minds? Their newest plan: launching an "Instant Op-Ed" section online. Fast access to opinions, online? Now we've heard everything.

Today may be Dan Loeb's 47th birthday, but the billionaire hedge fund manager didn't take the day off work to hang out at his mansion in East Hampton or tool around his $45 million apartment at 15 Central Park West. Did he turn up at the office today? Did the Loebs go on vacation? We have no clue, but we're pleased to report that despite the market losses he's sustained recently (and that little issue with his Gulfstream jet), he still has an "estate manager" on the payroll. Comforting news in these troubled times! We would recommend, however, that the Loebs consider upgrading the home answering machine at their Hamptons house. That thing sounds dreadful. [Cityfile voicemails]

First, they came for Zima, and we said nothing. Sparks, the poor hipster's cocaine substitute, is no more. The disgusting caffeinated malternative beverage was six years old.

When Michael Phelps-lusting newsman Anderson Cooper first professed his obsession with Real Housewives breakout NeNe Leakes, we thought NeNe knew exactly what it was she was up against. Maybe not, she's revealed.

Hello. My name is Joshua David Stein and I am here to recruit you in a quest to find Padma Lakshmi's true love. Stay tuned for your regular Top Chef recap.

We gotta hand it to actor Jeremy Piven: 'mercury poisoning,' unlike 'exhaustion' or 'dehydration,' is an excuse we've never heard from a celeb. Let's help diagnose him—what could have caused it?

The comic spectacle of Michael Arrington, the tech industry's most overbearing, self-important blogger, taking on Silicon Valley's PR apparatus, is playing out live on the Internet. Bring your popcorn.

• Chuck Todd has been named NBC's chief White House correspondent. [HP]
• The TV Guide channel has been sold for $300 million. [NYT]
• Both Doubleday and Crown's Broadway imprint laid off staff today. [NYT]
• More on the cost cuts planned at Random House. [NYO]
• Omnicom is cutting 5 percent of its work force, or about 3,000 people. [AP]
• Nominations for the 15th annual SAG Awards were announced today. [THR]