• Hideki Matsui appears to be on the move: According to the Observer's Max Abelson, the Yankees outfielder is the one who plunked down $10.5 million for theater producer Rocco Landesman's three-bedroom penthouse at The Heritage at Trump Place. [NYO, previously]
• T. Michael Long, a partner at Brown Brothers Harriman & Co., and his wife Catherine have sold their fourth-floor apartment at 176 Perry Street for $7.5 million. [Cityfile]
• Former Merrill Lynch VP Rosemary Berkery and her husband, attorney Robert Hausen, paid $5.2 million for a 16th-floor apartment at 975 Park Avenue. [NYO]

It regrettable quote day! Josh Broslin called Russell Crowe an "asshole;" Lily Allen defended cocaine; Sumner Redstone bragged about sex and 30 Rock's Rip Torn insisted the ground was drunk, not him.

Caroline Kennedy is not only close friends with the publisher of the Times, Maureen Dowd "knows" her as well, so the senate hopeful got a love letter from the Times columnist, for sucking.

• It wasn't just overly tanned Jews in Palm Beach who were ripped off by Bernie Madoff. London's Evening Standard says Italian fashion designer Valentino may have been a victim as well. [ES]
• Ten days before his arrest, Bernie Madoff convinced elderly Palm Beach entrepreneur and philanthropist Carl Shapiro into giving him an additional $250 million. [WSJ]
• Bank Medici founder Sonja Kohn, who raised $2.1 billion for Madoff from rich Europeans and Russians, is now missing. [NYT]
• Disgraced Madoff pal Ezra Merkin will step down as chair of GMAC. [FT]
• German billionaire Adolf Merckle, who committed suicide earlier this week, was in debt to the tune of $6.7 billion. [BN]
• American companies shed 693,000 jobs in December. [MW]
• Bank of America's Ken Lewis will not be getting a bonus. [BN]
• Ken Griffin's main hedge fund dropped 53 percent in 2008. [CNN]

If Katie Couric seems a little less cheerful around CBS headquarters this morning, that's probably because America's sweetheart is turning 52 today. Others celebrating: Magazine mogul Jann Wenner is 63. Nicolas Cage is turning 45. CSI: Miami's David Caruso is 53. Kenny Loggins is 61. And Dustin Diamond, better known as Screech from Saved by the Bell, will turn 32 today.

• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick may seem really happy and content with life, but it's just a carefully-constructed façade that is now crumbling to pieces because Broderick can't stop himself from cheating. Or at least that's what the Star is claiming after it caught sight of SJP socializing with a real estate broker, something you wouldn't even think of doing unless you were planning to leave your husband and move out on your own, right? [Star]
• Peter Cook has filed charges against Christie Brinkley for refusing to hand over son Jack's passport so the two can go on a school trip to Egypt. [P6, OK!]
• Disgraced Lehman CEO Dick Fuld and his wife Kathy needed help using JetBlue's check-in kiosk in Palm Beach, poor things. [P6]
• Paris Hilton says she's not a slut because she's only had sex with "a couple of men," which, by that standard, means you're still a virgin. [The Sun]

It's pretty amazing that the daughter of slain Pakistani premier Benazir Bhutto recorded and uploaded to YouTube a rap song about her mom, in English. Also amazing: The harsh reviews.

The Brits suddenly love squirrel! And so will we, probably: the critters run $3 each, and the Times concedes they seem perfect for a recession.

Jon Stewart humiliated pundit Tucker Carlson with a public deconstruction years ago. But his disassembling of media villain Rupert Murdoch last night was, in a way, more damning.

Entertainment Weekly lost a quarter of its staff to layoffs last year, but Time Inc. will continue publishing the magazine, even though it maybe considered axing its print edition. Risky.

Our tipster said it's more heartwarming than the puppy cam , this, the best headline yet in 2009: "Bush starts packing to leave White House." It's true, he can't wait to leave.

If our Bernie Madoff ringtone failed to satisfy your craving for Madoff-related multimedia, perhaps this rap video will do the trick. We're going to go out on a limb and say this is quite possibly the first rap song in history to squeeze in references to both Libor and Larry Kudlow, but presumably this is what happens when investment bankers lose their jobs and turn their attention to novelty singing careers. And it's nice to see the grand tradition of Jewish rappers remains alive and well, isn't it?

The attached ad, ostensibly raising money to help Israelis, aired during MSNBC's Countdown tonight. As a tipster pointed out, one of the explosions looks totally fake.

· Remember that humiliating night when you had wayyyy too much to drink, and you started speaking in tongues, thinking every slurred, nonsensical sentiment was completely hilarious? Neither does Terry Bradshaw.

After working with Ledger in Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus just before his death, Troyer was moved to replicate part of the actor's signature—a heart—as a tattoo on his hand. Troyer recounted his memories in a sober, touching story that belied its setting: an episode of the UK's Celebrity Big Brother. Luckily, Troyer managed to keep the moment respectful; the only flicker of inappropriate reality show camp came just before he began, as the narrator noted, "4:48 pm. Coolio is in the kitchen." [ONTD]

What did the ex-wife of Google executive Omid Kordestani (net worth: $2.2 billion) do after getting dumped for a younger woman? She hooked up with a doctor and hired Julio Iglesias as her wedding singer.

Their nominating association has no taste, and some of their prospective winners didn't even know they existed. But whether they want it or not, they'll get a new, made-over Golden Globe statuette Sunday night.

· Pop Noir at Echoplex, and Swedish singer Theresa Andersson at The Hotel Café.

1/3 — Spotted saucy GARY OLDMAN heading to Starbucks in Studio City. He looked taller and less self-conscious than most actors I see out around town. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

Fox and Warner Bros. may currently be locked in a fanboy-torturing Watchmen legal battle, but that isn't going to stop WB from releasing Watchmen's final, full trailer...in Japan.