Polarizing American artist Andrew Wyeth, who painted "Christina's World"—my favorite painting ever, go see it in the flesh canvas at the Museum of Modern Art—died yesterday at age 91.

VitaminWater, the drinks with names like "defense," "energy," and "endurance" that Alicia Keys is currently getting $25 million to promote, is basically just sugar and water, according to a nutrition advocacy group bringing a class-action lawsuit against the brand's owner CocaCola. (The "inventor" of VitaminWater, J. Darius Bikoff, sold it to Coke in 2007 for $4 billion.) Consumers are being outrageously misled by the "nonsense" claim that VitaminWater is good for your health, says the Washington-based Center for Science in the Public Interest, pointing out that one bottle contains around 33 grams of sugar. "I had no idea," laments lead plaintiff James Koh, "that I was actually getting almost a Coke's worth of sugar and calories." Somewhere, recent spokesmodel Jennifer Aniston is dying of shock while speed dialing her personal trainer.

Ever since Vice plastered an ad on its cover that was only visible in the dark, magazines have been researching better ways to sell out. Now Esquire has made a breakthrough in invisible cover ads!

Boy George is going to jail. For a year and change. He handcuffed a hooker to his wall and then threatened him with sex toys and whips.

Is it time for a new Air Force One? Not the shoes, obv—those are classics—but the plane? One anti-American company says yes!

• Bernie Madoff's brokerage firm, which is now up for sale, probably won't fetch more than $10 million, according to a report drafted by Lazard. The investment bank goes on to point out that Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities is now a "tarnished" brand. Really, you think? [Bloomberg]
• A report by the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority suggests that Madoff may not have made a single trade on behalf of his investors. [AP]
• Attorney General Andrew Cuomo has issued subpoenas to determine whether money manager Ezra Merkin may have defrauded investors by putting their money in Madoff's hands without their knowledge. [NYT]
• Meet Frank DiPascali Jr., Bernie's former right-hand who is now under investigation for his role in Madoff's scheme. [Bloomberg]

In lieu of national health insurance coverage, America offers easy access to VitaminWater. If you're ailing, simply drink the proper dye-and-micronutrient-containing beverage, and you're good! But now some liberal "public interest" lawsuit threatens it all:

To the pantheon of emasculating/liberating modern man accoutrements—guyliner, body waxing, Hermès man-purses—we can now add one more: wearing an overpriced diamond ring to broadcast that someone was willing to snap you up and put you on lockdown. As increasing numbers of women—not to mention the gays—decide to pop the question, a British jewelry chain has unveiled a male engagement ring, a very manly "titanium band embedded with a discreet diamond." Sadly, you can't yet get anything similar at Zales or even Tiffany, but perhaps this is a revolution that David Yurman, given his commitment to humanitarianism, might like to pioneer?

Barack Obama paid a visit to the Washington Post newsroom yesterday, and our capital's toughest reporters collectively swore to never wash that hand again. Crush on Barry! Nothing wrong with that, says Howard Kurtz:

My favorite singer, riot princess Katy Perry, maybe took a nude photo of herself. And, you know, liked it! Our smutty cousin, that dad says we shouldn't talk to, has the (maybe fake?) pic. [Fleshbot]

Today we have a comedian caught in bed with another man by his wife, a hunk who needs tongue surgery, diva actresses, and a kinky pop star.

How many New York Times reporters does it take to cover a plane crash? 34. No wonder the paper had to mortgage its office building. [Doree]

When even Simon Doonan, Barneys creative director and all-round style oracle, says that everyone needs to stop obsessing about Michelle Obama's fashion choices, we should probably pay attention. As he confides to NPR, he's "increasingly uncomfortable with this hysteria about what's she's going to wear and how she looks... you know, you want her to be known for something else: education, mental health, I don't know what else, but she has to be known for something other than looking great in a shift dress." Not that Doonan's own sartorial advice can—nor ever should!—be withheld: For the new First Lady, who has "that great physicality," he counsels simplicity. "When you start adding couture ruffles and fooffles and bows, you could get into trouble." We're sure Michelle is adding "no fooffles" to her pledges immediately.

• Art collector Roy Judelson, the son of Gulf & Western co-founder David Judelson, and his wife Mary have sold their six-bedroom townhouse at 113 East 78th Street for $12.46 million, three months after paying $10.5 million for a smaller apartment a few blocks away. The 5,500-square-foot, five-floor residence, which originally went on the market for $17.5 million back in June, was purchased by a family trust controlled by Jim and Michael Peterson, sons of billionaire Blackstone co-founder Pete Peterson. The floorplan is after the jump. [Cityfile]
• The 5,000-square-foot Greenwich home that appeared in the 2006 movie The Good Shepherd is on the market for $11.995 million. It was originally listed for $13.25 million in September. [WSJ, Sotheby's]

Neither Hollywood celebrities nor corporate trade groups are good sources of information on health issues. That doesn't make the National Fisheries Institute's response to Jeremy Piven any less interesting.

Just when we were thinking there was no possible way John Catsimatidis would consider running for mayor, he pulls a fast one and suggests yet again that he really is seriously thinking about giving it a shot. According to campaign finance documents, the supermarket kingpin gave his campaign a $1 million loan last week. Now he just needs to set aside another $80 million or so, and he'll be good to go! [City Room, previously]

Everyone is out to spite everyone: Jay Leno ruined 90 minutes of Conan O'Brien's life; Lindsay Lohan is refusing to eat and John McCain isn't letting his wife go on that fun TV program.

• Bank of America landed $20 billion in additional aid to help it absorb Merrill Lynch. It also posted a loss of $1.79 billion for the fourth quarter. [NYT, WSJ]
• Citigroup reported an $8.29 billion quarterly loss. The beleaguered bank also said it plans to reorganize the company into two business units. [WSJ, NYT]
• UBS is selling parts of its commodities business to Barclays. [FT]
• AIG is paying a total of $619 million to retain employees. [NYP]
• Morgan Stanley and Citi are pulling clients' money from a fund run by Union Bancaire Privée, after it was exposed to Bernie Madoff. [DB]
• Citi is hiring! And you thought it was only laying people off these days. [NYP]

All of Gotham's tabloids played the miraculous landing of U.S. Air Flight 1549 in the Hudson River big. But can you top their headlines?

Kate Moss turns 35 today. Page Six's Richard Johnson is turning 55. Gourmet editor Ruth Reichl is celebrating her 61st. Republican fundraiser (and cosmetics company founder) Georgette Mosbacher is 62. Strokes guitarist Nick Valensi is turning 28. Dr. Laura Schlessinger is 62. And the singer Sade is 50. Weekend birthdays appear after the jump!