Marisa Noel Brown, the daughter of disgraced hedge funder Walter Noel, and her husband, Matt, may be looking to extricate themselves from their lavish Upper East Side townhouse. Marisa and Matt (who worked for his father-in-law's Fairfield Greenwich Group before Bernie Madoff came along) purchased the home at 12 East 78th Street for $13.5 million in 2008. They took out a hefy $9 million mortgage to do it, and have since spent millions more renovating the townhouse with its "pale gleaming Indiana limestone" facade. (The inside now has much more "open space" and a "lot of light.")

What has Candace Bushnell been up to this week? So glad you asked! The Sex and the City creator was in Palm Beach on Tuesday to speak about orgasms at the "It's A Bling Thing" luncheon at Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate. (Bushnell says she's not sure she's ever had one, in case you were curious.) Want to have Candace appear at one of your charity events to talk about her vagina for an hour? Keep in mind that you may be asked to fork over a $15,000 speaking fee. [Page2Live]

This is George W. Bush before a final, untelevised goodbye to staff. Two more expressions Reuters photographer Jim Bourg had never "seen on George Bush's face in my life" after the jump.

It's no wonder this unreleased "Speedfit" workout video was banned from YouTube: It's as embarrassing as rumored and contains an incriminating recording of her business manager to boot.

· So Martha's pissed at Gawker, but as far as we know she still loves Defamer and wants us on her show just as soon as her schedule allows. Meanwhile: Puppy Beagle Yoga! ZOMG!

Tough as it is to believe, recent leopardskin-belt double-cinching victim Jessica Simpson was once the star of her own weight-loss video.

Worried that The Office has become mired in too many relationship subplots? Have we got the NSFW version for you!

When he interviewed celebrities, typically over lunch, longtime Parade columnist James Brady often did not take notes; he only needed three soundbites, which he memorized.

Maybe it's the work of a crafty saboteur worried about going 0-for-13 on Oscar night, or maybe it's unfounded. But whoever's leading the anti-Slumdog Millionaire effort may find its Achilles' heel in Mumbai.

We hope we've adequately prepared you for this shock: Joaquin Phoenix's rap career may be an elaborate hoax. Yes, we've pointed this out before, but now, two sources are confirming the stunt to Entertainment Weekly:

Donny Osmond made the bombshell announcement on Bonnie Hunt today that he was "seriously considering" joining the cast of Dancing with the Stars. (We'll pause now for the requisite screaming, self-fanning, smelling salts, etc.).

Though we were heartened by Jessica Alba's recent kiss-off of Bill O'Reilly (her best performance since Into the Blue!), she's now been sucked back into a Fox News fight that's paying off with diminished returns.

· Here's this year's Oscars poster, featuring the Kodak's impressive array of laser cannons, aimed to incinerate any winner whose acceptance speech exceeds the allotted time. (They're looking at you, Slumdog Millionaire composer AR Rahman.) [Access Hollywood]

Before she married an Ask.com cofounder, Cristina Warthen (née Schultz) advertised escort services online as "Brazil" and boasted of making enough to pay for her Stanford law degree. She has pleaded guilty to tax evasion.

With the decline of Grey's Anatomy, we've been going elsewhere for our medical drama - Discovery Health Channel, 20/20, Hollywood Sunset Free Clinic - but we've found the serious stuff in an unlikely place.

[President Barack Obama walking to the Oval Office after visiting the Capitol today. Why does the White House lawn have fake deer? Image via SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images]

How does Julia Allison make money? It's an eternal question. We already know she can live in her "office." And now a Nonsociety intern has illuminated another revenue stream: full-time asking for free stuff!

Update time! Remember the ambitious Milwaukee lawyers who weirdly namechecked slammer-bound clients Wesley Snipes and Joe Francis en route to swanky new Malibu digs? Yeah — that didn't turn out so well.

• Copies of Michelle Obama's Jason Wu-designed inaugural dress are on the way. Serial knockoff artist Allen Schwartz says the $300-350 gowns will be in stores by March/April, just in time for prom and bridesmaid season, naturally. [USA Today]
• Alexander Wang is launching a men's collection. [SF]
• Michael Kors has a lawsuit on his hands. [LAT]
• Target is cutting 600 jobs. [WWD]
• Did the Times out Jason Wu last week? [NYM]
• Fashion feud of the day: Anna Wintour and Sienna Miller. [SL]
• Brooke Shields has signed on to be a spokesperson for Coppertone. [SW]
• Surgery to correct "moobs," or man boobs, is now the most popular plastic surgery procedure for men in the UK. And now you know what you get your chubby husband for his birthday. [DM]

Travolta extortion plot said to concern "refusal to transport" document.