NBC investigates who sired Sarah Jessica Parker. [THR]

Useless middle managers, desperate to stay busy and avoid layoffs, are coming up with ever dumber corporate responses to the recession. We will discover and mock them all, with your assistance.

We typically regard the upcoming G.I. Joe movie as a necessity we'll have to suffer through before the Jerry Bruckheimer-produced Garbage Pail Kids epic, but that's not to say there aren't elements that intrigue us.

The way the world works, you are either cool and have 600 Facebook friends, or you are worthless and only have 40. But it's not your fault. Science says it's genetic.

We never really considered that John Thain and Jocelyne Wildenstein had much in common. One's a former Wall Street star who has seen his career accomplishments overshadowed by lousy decisions during the financial crisis. The other is a woman who spends her days visiting plastic surgeons and spreading cream across her freaky, cat-like face. But a reader sent us this picture with the title "one and the same," and we do see a bit of a resemblance, strangely. Maybe it's just because they're both shining examples of excess? Who knows. But you can click on the photo above to see close-ups of the two and decide for yourself.

The Twitterati did not have a good day. Professional web personality Amanda Congdon hates racists, crackpot visionary Jeff Jarvis still hates the media, but TechCrunch editor Michael Arrington is hated most of all!

We can officially cross one of this year's must-watch Oscar subplots off our list, with the Academy announcing a rare exception of four producers for Best Picture nominee The Reader.

Looks like Nina Garcia is getting the last laugh. While Project Runway remains mired in legal dispute between NBC and The Weinstein Company, Garcia's new Marie Claire-centric reality show, Running in Heels, is controversy-free and set to debut on Lifetime in March. Even better: She just scored a bunch of money to publish her third book. Garcia's The Style Strategy: A Less is More Approach to Staying Chic and Shopping Smart, which will be published in August, will feature the editor showing ladies how to "shop smart and save money, while not sacrificing fashionable self expression." [NYO]

Darren Aronofsky didn't introduce Mickey Rourke and Evan Rachel Wood to each other before shooting their awkward father-daughter scenes in The Wrestler. Good thing—now that they're well-acquainted, things are getting uncomfortably kissy-kissy.

The rumor is that Jason Wu, the hot young designer of Michelle Obama's inauguration dress, was upset that the New York Times outed him in a story. But was he really "in?"

The marketing powers behind Twilight on Monday gave what their adoring fans at MTV have apparently craved for more than two months now: Dolls. For, like, another movie or something.

[Designer Karl Lagerfeld at the Chanel show for Paris Haute Couture Fashion Week; image via Splash]

During the campaign, the polite and respectable liberal media steered clear of all the "Obama is a secret Muslim!1!!" stuff. Now he's given his first TV interview as president to Al Arabiya. Who loses?

Daniel Benedict is one of the city's most frequently photographed professional party-goers: You don't appear 955 times on Patrick McMullan if you sit at home at night and watch trashy reality TV on VH1. (That's what a DVR is for.) Daniel also has a serious affection for self-tanning lotion, at least judging by the number of people who email us to comment on the shade of Daniel's skin. But have you ever considered how hard it must be to achieve just the right shade? It's a delicate balancing act. Don't put enough on and you look sickly; put on too much and your fellow party guests are wondering aloud if lobster is on the menu. But we're here to help. You can now hold up the Daniel Benedict Self-Tanning Color Swatch while you're looking in the mirror to determine if you're safe, or if you've clearly gone way too far. You're welcome!

Day 2 of The Wrap, Sharon Waxman's contribution to the underserviced online-showbiz-news sector, indicates the site will be a very welcome Big Hollywood for the lefty liberal media elite. Still, kinks are being ironed out.

How a conference dies: The savvy crowd stays away, while eager second-raters fill their seats. Google cofounder Sergey Brin is skipping Davos. Meanwhile, MySpace CEO Chris DeWolfe fought with a colleague to go amid layoffs.

• Why isn't your glass of water getting refilled? It might be because the restaurant decided to slash costs by firing all the busboys. [WSJ]
• E.U. in the EV is no more; a trattoria is set to take its place by March. [Eater]
• Jean-Georges Vongerichten now says he won't be taking over the Ago space inside Robert De Niro's Greenwich Hotel after all. [DBTH]
• Is Momofuku Milk Bar turning into an actual bar? That's the rumor. [TFB]
• Tom Colicchio and Damon Wise are expanding their discount menu. [Eater]
• Scott Conant will be the guest judge on tomorrow's Top Chef. [GS]
• Gordon Ramsay hasn't been banned from Mario Batali's restaurants. [GS]
• Chef Gabrielle Hamilton has inked a book deal with Random House. [EMD]

Tuesday is a great day for a media column: The NYT's Stuart Elliott will not be stonewalled, hipster lady mag Missbehave stops printing, and Yahoo should either fund quality journalism or Gawker's next party.

Babs was moaning on The View today about how the New York Times ran a photo of her interviewing Rod Blagojevich without printing her name. Then Sherri Shepherd had to make a vagina joke.

If Scarlett Johansson's used Kleenex could pull in over five grand, how will her phlegmatic cover of a Jeff Buckley song fare?