Until now, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's adventures in Twitterland have been innocuous enough escapades, Ash offering up humorous, 140-character-or-less movie quotes, his clueless cougress responding with amusing concern. All that is over.

What's stupider than debating Wall Street bankers' bonuses? Using obscenities on live television while debating them! That's what Charlie Gasparino, CNBC's lovably loudmouthed on-air commentator did. Click for the clip and transcript.

Oscar front-runner Slumdog Millionaire has received some criticism of late for cultural insensitivity. Are these legitimate complaints, or are they accusations trumped-by by rival films trying to chip away at the Slumdog's awards buzz?

Ellen Barkin has found a wonderful way to bridge the gap between the drama she's experienced in real-life and the sort that usually gets cooked up by unimaginative writers in a conference room in Hollywood. The most recent ex-wife of Ron Perelman has signed with HBO to both star in and executive produce her first TV series. What's it about? The as-yet-untitled drama revolves around a woman in her early 50s who is "famous for her high-profile marriage," but who "divorces and re-enters the singles market and finds herself developing a close, platonic bond with the 24-year-old son of her ex-husband." Sounds fabulous, although we're guessing Perelman's (slightly older) sons, Steven and Josh, may be wondering how they got dragged into it. [Variety]

From the city of broad shoulders, creeping into our hearts like little cat feet, comes a new American versemaker, Rod Blagojevich. This video medley from the Illinois governor's impeachment defense shows it was pure poetry.

Well, the L'Occitane-scented waters of the gentrification wave are already rolling back, as predicted: megarealtor Corcoran is closing its Harlem office. Is anyone thinking of the white people?

Cecil Suwal, the woman who helped coordinate "dates" between Eliot Spitzer and Ashley Dupre as an employee of the Emperors Club VIP escort service, has been sentenced to six months in prison. [NYP]

Is Michael Cera floating an Arrested Development trial balloon? The actor is still refusing to commit to the big-screen version of his canceled series, but one of his costars claims to have the inside scoop.

Former MTV exec Christina Norman has been tapped by Oprah Winfrey to run her new cable network, OWN, but it turns out Norman wasn't the daytime queen's first choice. Fortune reports that honor goes to Tom Freston, who first got a call from Oprah while vacationing in Burma in 2006 but turned down offers to run both Harpo and OWN. No matter. Oprah has since hired Tom as a consultant since he happens to be her "business soul mate." Nice to know the fact that Kathy Freston's 21-day "cleansing diet" didn't end up doing Oprah much good hasn't diminished her opinion of the Frestons! [Fortune]

Bernie Madoff isn't so happy he's being forced to spend his days and nights confined to his $7 million Upper East Side co-op. "I'm a prisoner in my own house!" Madoff reportedly told a friend. "I can't go anywhere! I'm stuck here all day!" Apparently Bernie is particularly annoyed that "he can't even go outside just to go to the corner, or get something to eat." That's what Chinese delivery is for, silly! But as soon as we figure out how to bottle fresh air, we'll be sure to send that over and see if we have better luck this time. [NYP]

In your overstuffed Thursday media column: Obama cartoons have big lips, rumored (update: confirmed) layoffs at Incisive Media, John Dickerson's dramatic novel, and more!

On last night's Top Chef Super Bowl All-Star Face-Off Synergistic Cross-Promotion Can-We-Fit-Quaker-Oats-in-There-Somehow Extravaganza, the surviving chefs of Season 5—a group we find ourselves strangely attached to—were forced to cook head-to-head with past Chef contestants.

Mark Zuckerberg, the 24-year-old CEO of Facebook, wants to know what everyone in the world is feeling. But did he really want to get inside the head of 19-year-old murderer Leon Craig Ramsden?

We'd say we love Anne Hathaway's naughty side, except the more we think about it, it's increasingly clear that may be her only side.

New York's cover story this week takes a look at Caroline Kennedy's disastrous foray into politics, and provides some excellent insight into what derailed her quasi-campaign for governor. What may be more striking, though, is the cover of the magazine, which features a black and white photo of Caroline with a red tear that appears to have been hastily drawn on top of the picture. Seem a bit familiar? Indeed it does!

The media seems to be pining for the crime-fueled depravity of New York in the 1970's and 80's. It was so gritty and exciting. Wasn't it? Or have they just seen too many movies?

Today on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck revealed that there is a new creature who is trying desperately to store up enough strength so that it can escape her. It is called "a baby."

That seems to be the party line for most of the critics' reviews, at least. The New York Times calls the film, which follows the disgraced church leader and his family during his banishment from Colorado, "strangely intriguing," Slant deems it "surprisingly compelling," while the reviewer for the Los Angeles Times says the film arrives at its most fecund points "almost accidentally."

Somali Pirates: still hard at work.

Typically, we scoff at the "pop-up fact" reruns that play before new episodes of Lost. However, last night's repeat may have helped us figure out just about the only mystery left unsolved in "Jughead."