Hooray, it's Texas Muslim Capitol Day! It's that one special day of the year when Muslim residents of Texas come to Austin to learn about political activism, have civil discussions with their representatives about issues that are important to them, hear a small group of angry protesters shout "Go home!" and "Jesus is the lord!" at them, and have a legislator demand that they swear a loyalty oath to prove they're real Americans. Oh boy!

A new day dawns, and with it, a new detailed report laying out exactly how garishly unequal our national economic situation has become. Behold the bitter fruit of America. This is what we do here.

Newsfeed Dartmouth College to Ban Hard Liquor on Campus | Defamer Marshmallow Tycoon: It's "Frustrating" to Be the Uncle of a Prince | Internet The Silk Road Trial Is Treating Emoji as Evidence

In a speech at Dartmouth's campus on Thursday, the college's president, Philip J. Hanlon, announced that there will be a campus-wide ban on hard liquor from March 30 onward. The New York Times reports that this decision is in response to a "spate of student misbehavior that has tarnished the reputation" of the school.

Reminder: Gawker is posting less often to the front page. Read about the change here. Happening elsewhere: Defamer Lindsay Lohan Served Her Community by Letting People Follow Her Around | Morning After I Can't Stop Watching This Madonna Impersonator's Existential Crisis | Newsfeed Dad's Plan to Replace Daughter's Vodka With Water Completely Backfires

Let us all bow our heads and say a prayer for Don Thompson, fired this week as CEO of McDonald's merely because he was bad at his job, and his company is bad, and performing badly.

BuzzFeed, the prosperous and successful New York-based website geared toward millennials, is respectable and likeable in many ways. It is a competitor of Gawker, though it dwarfs us in its size and reach, and we take interest in reporting on its foibles and successes.

Fed up with his teenage daughter repeatedly stealing his favorite cookies, no matter where in the house he tried to hide them, a British dad concocted a plan for revenge. While searching her room for signs of his missing snacks, he found she had a special stash of her own—a bottle of foul, store-brand vodka. Only one thing to do, the vengeful dad wrote on Reddit:

After a woman at a Manhattan nightclub told a man that she was not interested in him, he reportedly followed her out of the club and onto an MTA bus. When she got off the bus more than a mile later in an attempt to lose him, he allegedly attacked her.

At least two people were killed and 60 more were injured after a gas truck exploded Thursday morning near a maternity hospital in Mexico City, according to Mexico City Mayor Miguel Angel Mancera.

A brawl ended a public meeting at St. Louis City Hall Wednesday night to discuss a proposed civilian review board of local police.

Yesterday afternoon, San Francisco police discovered a suitcase containing dismembered human remains. Not long after, more body parts were found scattered nearby.

After a long weekend of promoting Acura on Instagram, Alec Baldwin was reportedly downgraded from first class to economy on his flight home. He was supposedly overheard declaring that with coach as his witness, he'd never fly Delta again, but could he running out of airlines to swear off?

No secret that disconnecting from Comcast is the worst, but to add insult to injury, the company actually started insulting one couple who tried to end their cable service earlier this year.

This week, the Seattle Police Department issued an apology to a 70-year-old black veteran who was arrested last summer when a female officer apparently falsely accused him of threatening her with a golf club.

A San Francisco public defender says she was placed under arrest and handcuffed to a wall for around an hour because she tried to stop police officers from questioning her client without a lawyer present.

Defamer Carol Brady: I'm 80 and I'm Fucking a Chiropractor from Fort Lauderdale | Drugs Scientology Warns Kids Against "Moon Gas" and Other Street Drugs | Newsfeed "Mentally Ill" 17-Year-Old Girl Shot Dead by Texas Police

UrbanBaby.com has a reputation as the message board of choice for wealthy, sophisticated, hateful east coast urbanites. What is the real lineage of anonymous UrbanBaby posters? Why, they are glad that you asked.

Last Thursday, three police officers shot 17-year-old Kristiana Coignard four times in the lobby of the Longview Police Department. Police said Coignard, who was reportedly mentally ill, was "brandishing a weapon" at the time of the shooting.

Fortress America Report: Taliban Captured an ISIS Leader That Bush Released From Gitmo | Defamer PSA: Nobody Is Putting Women in Your Beloved Ghostbusters Movie | Newsfeed "Ready For Your Abortion Date?": Man Hits Pregnant Girlfriend With Car