US Newspapers laid off 9% of their workers last year.

The NSFW redband trailer for Seth Rogen's Observe and Report resolves a few lingering issues around the rapidly developing mall-cop comedy subgenre. First up: "Comedy" might be stretching things.

Claire Danes engaged, Billy Crudup's blue wang still single. [People]

"Reinhardt," the internet conspiracy theorist who correctly predicted the crash of 2008, warned us that it was "100% sure thing market begins huge downfall" on February 9, 2009. That's today! How'd that one hold up?

No one ever told Whitney Houston that talking was going to be part of her comeback, but the embattled singer bravely attempted to speak words at last night's Grammys, with varying levels of success.

Barack Obama is going to cost the TV networks literally millions of dollars, because he has to appear on prime time TV three times this month to sell his stimulus bill that no one likes.

When you think of "Hot Celebrities Who Provoke Bidding Wars Among Publishers," the first name that springs to mind is "Diane Keaton." Her barely-sketched book idea is sure to recoup all those millions:

Tired of Christian Bale spoofs and Michael Cera's obstinate reluctance to sign on to the Arrested Development movie? Have we got a video for you!

• What's that 20% surcharge on your bill? It seems a bunch of restaurants are now secretly adding gratuities to diners' checks even though it's illegal. [NYP]
• Tom Colicchio's latest gimmick: He's calling Craftsteak's front dining room "Halfsteak" and serving half-sized portions for $15 or less. [Eater]
• Drew Nieporent and Terrance Brennan discuss the lousy economy. [GS]
• It's not just the high-end that's hurting: Bodegas are suffering, too. [NY1]
• A look inside the newly-opened Butcher Bay. [Eater]
• Are Thomas Keller and Daniel Boulud launching a line of frozen foods? [Eater]
• Starbucks is trying its best to make people think it's super-affordable. [WSJ]

Former eBay CEO Meg Whitman, who did not even register as a Republican until 2007, has officially declared her intent to run for governor of California.

If the incoming Oscar producers are serious about their pledge to detonate the awards show and rebuild from scratch, may they take two imperative lessons from Sunday night's Grammy telecast:

If Tom Cruise went to Brazil, drank some Matte Leão, and then threw the cup out, you'd want someone to dig it out of the trash and sell it to you, right?

In your temperate Monday media column: How ABC landed the octuplet-grandma "scoop," yet another plan to save the NYT, journalism lives(?), and a magazine dies (no question):

Out of popular demand, and several days too late, the results vastly exceeded our expectations. [YouTube via BoingBoing]

Sure, this new marketing strategy for 75 Wall Street isn't quite as posh as its website (or the campaign envisioned when the project was first announced), but at least they didn't scribble "Designed by David Rockwell!" in chalk. [Flickr]

· A brash appeal to teenyboppers brought 19 million viewers to CBS for the Grammys.

Isn't it a hoot—an ironic hoot—that Obama press secretary Robert Gibbs has a combatative relationship with the press, even though as we all know the press are all liberals who worship Obama? This is what Gibbs said about the cable news, today:

Finally, W has released the photo essay that documents the exact moments that Madonna met/fell for/sucked the soul out of 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz. So, what have we learned?

[Actress Sarah Jessica Parker in the Meatpacking District of Manhattan today; image via Splash]

President Barack Obama says he wants to save the economy, but all he does is give speeches and talk to fancy economists. Meanwhile, Michelle Obama is actually saving the economy, by shopping at Pottery Barn!