Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your guide to everything new, noteworthy and momentous at the movies. This week, Madea slaughters Jason, and Oscar slays everybody.

Let's hope James Cameron's Thespbot 2000 technology works, because from the looks of how things are progressing on the SAG deal front, the sun could be setting on the Age of the Human Hollywood Actor.

Not to be outdone by colleague Kathie Lee's same-sex flirtation, Today show host Matt Lauer invited NBC newsman Brian Williams on to cohost this morning. Chemistry and sexual-dynamism as palpable as Kathie's hatred for Hoda.

Business is booming for shoe repairers and tailors as cash-strapped customers "shop in their closets" and get stuff fixed and altered instead of buying new. "I've never seen it like this," says one shoe repairman, "it's wonderful." Cobblers esteemed, bankers demeaned—it's like biblical times all over again. [Time]

If you ran a magazine (maybe you do!), what would you consider a reasonable salary for the head of your little magazine industry trade group? 'Click through' and find out the real, ridiculous answer!

If you're a middle-aged mom who also happens to be a stoner, be advised that Monday's episode of The Martha Stewart Show will be "entirely dedicated to the world of pot." Not surprisingly, Jimmy Fallon will make a guest appearance. [EW]

As if it wasn't bad enough that Bernie Madoff went and took millions from wealthy Jewish people in Palm Beach and then made it disappear, it seems some gentiles down there are happy about it!

Now that long-running musical Rent has closed on Broadway, the inevitable, awful high school productions have begun. Which is ruffling parental and administrative feathers across the land. But, really, what's the big deal with Rent?

Whatever it is Bernie Madoff's been up to the last 13 years, we now know one thing he wasn't doing was investing his clients' cash. Irving Picard, the trustee liquidating Madoff's investment firm, said today that he's found no evidence that Madoff purchased any securities on behalf of customers in "at least 13 years." He also said that he's received 2,350 claims so far, and that a handful of subpoenas have been issued, including one to "a hair salon called Blow Styling Salon located blocks away from Mr. Madoff's Manhattan penthouse apartment." Can't wait to hear about that one! [WSJ, NYT]

Lost in all this controversy over NY Post cartoonist Sean Delonas' ham-handed monkey bigot hackery is this: will this national uproar hurt the sales of Delonas' kiddie book? That would be the real tragedy.

[Socialite and my close personal friend (in my imagination) Tinsley Mortimer sporting a new (to me) 'do at Fashion Week; image via INF]

According to those laboring at the front lines of servicing the rich—limo drivers, personal shoppers, restaurateurs—bankers are vaguely trying to make everyone loathe them less by dialing down the blatancy/outrageousness of their extravagance. For instance, you'll be thoroughly reassured to hear that $1,000 bottles of wine are no longer deemed an appropriate complement to lunch at Danny Meyer's Eleven Madison Park.

Remember that scene in The Wrestler where Mickey Rourke's character buys steroids from that big muscly guy? Well that guy, named Scott Siegel, has just been arrested. For selling steroids. You know, in real life.

Today we have a "too white" TV personality, a drugged out actress, a nice rock and/or roller, an actress desperate to lose weight, and a nasty divorcing couple.

Everybody say goodbye to NYPD officer Patrick Pogan, famous for shoving a rider off his bike for no good reason—he's been fired. He'd probably make a better Benedictine monk, anyhow. Pogan's classic moment below:

The condo conversion of 20 Pine Street has been plagued with problems for ages. One of the first conversions to come along in the financial district, the Shaya Boymelgreen-developed, Michael Shvo-marketed building was supposed to be finished in 2007. It wasn't, of course, which led to the first lawsuit back in August 2008 when a buyer argued that 20 Pine had been misleading about the building's completion date and had refused to rescind the buyer's contract. The situation hasn't improved much since then: The pool and gym remain unfinished, and just two weeks ago Shvo announced that construction work on the building's amenities would be suspended for a week "to concentrate on completing about 50 residential units." Now it seems other buyers have had enough. A Massachusetts woman who paid $925,000 for an apartment in 2006 (as well as an additional $16,000 for two storage units) filed a lawsuit of her own this week, and is now demanding that her deposit be returned, too. The full suit appears after the jump.

Bad news for Bloomie: A new poll shows that only 52 percent of New York City residents believe the mayor is doing a good job—his lowest approval rating in four years—and only 43 percent approve of the job he's doing to help the city endure the economic crisis. But now that he's hiring former aides to John McCain's disastrous presidential campaign, things should turn around pretty quickly, no? [NYP]

Forget trying to actually understand what's going on with the economy, advises Cornell psychiatrist Richard Friedman—explanations from politicians and economists are only making us all freak out more! What the panicked populace needs is mass psychotherapy from government-mandated mental health professionals, who will tell us that everything's going to be just fine and that we should merrily spend and invest like we did in the good old days.

Barack Obama's people might throw East Coast media elite parties at the Four Seasons, but they totally make up for it with that penny-pinching cabinet member from Kansas.

• Patricia Blanchet, the widow of 60 Minutes correspondent Ed Bradley, has put the home where she and Ed lived for more than 30 years on the market. The 3,600-square-foot apartment at 285 Central Park West is currently listed for $7.4 million. [WSJ, Corcoran]
• Real estate developer Mark Kalimian and his wife Keren paid $9.1 million for an 18th-floor apartment at the Brompton on East 85th Street. [Cityfile]
• Mutual fund exec Charles Johnson and his wife Ann paid $3 million for a two-bedroom apartment next door to the one they already own at the Sherry Netherland. The apartment was previously owned by the late insurance executive Gerald Tsai Jr. [NYO]