This week everyone behaved foolishly and brashly and rashly. Like common dirty apes.

Tonight is Conan O'Brien's last Late Night. Yes, it's a bittersweet changing of the guard—but he's all ours now! Make him feel at home by signing this Defamer Welcomes Conan to L.A. card.

"Facebook suicide" used to mean leaving the ubiquitous social network for the real world. But Paul Zolezzi, an aspiring Brooklyn model, used Mark Zuckerberg's creation to announce the end of his actual life.

[Jim Behrle and his kartoon kats peer into the distant future of late 2009. Frightening!]

The New York Post's 'apology' for the Sean Delonas cartoon has not satisfied Spike Lee, who calls it "pathetic" and "lethargic." As well as racist! Why won't this black man trust the New York Post?

Of all the possible Oscars surprises, the one most obvious—that Hugh Jackman will perform the show completely naked, his mind fizzily distracted by multiple Champagne cocktails on an empty stomach—never even occurred to us.

• The renovation of the Old Homestead steakhouse is almost complete. The private party space will be filled with works by Julian Schnabel. [Eater, TONY]
• Via Quadronno may be opening a Tribeca location. [Zagat]
• Tenjune owners Mark Birnbaum and Eugene Remm, along with real estate developer mogul Michael Hirtenstein, are taking over the old Lotus space. [P6]
• at65 cafe, the new restaurant in Alice Tully Hall, opens on Sunday. [Eater]
• Suba's last day in business is February 28th. [GS]
• Some advice on how to buy decent wine on a budget. [WSJ]

Who says there aren't jobs out there for J-school graduates? Thanks to a tipster, we learned today that Columbia J-school alum and fame-seeker Sheena Tahilramani now works (worked?) for evil Republican vizier Karl Rove.

In what must be the last of the worst-guarded Top Secrets in Oscardom, we're learning a little more today about the show's new strategy behind the camera. Hint: The Academy is sending the blitz!

20 Pine isn't the only condo disaster unfolding downtown. Things are even worse at Rector Place, the 304-unit building that is not only heading into foreclosure now that developer Yair Levy has defaulted on his mortgage, but is also facing an shut-off of heat and electricity. The Real Deal has the latest dose of bad news: Fifty buyers in the Battery Park City building now allege Levy has been using it to house hotel guests and college kids visiting from abroad. [The Real Deal]

Today's sweetest tweets: CNET's Caroline McCarthy got ready to don a Snuggie. Valleywag alumna Megan McCarthy (no relation) dreamed of Atlantis. David Gregory of Meet the Press succumbed to Twitter peer pressure. And more!

We'll be liveblogging the Oscars Sunday, at 5p.m. PST. Stake your spots early: You're going to want the best sight lines possible as we obsessively chronicle every Ledger-family chokehold, Swarovksi-curtain blinding, and big band speech-interruption.

The New York Post issued an angry non-apology for Sean Delonas' monkey cartoon. The New York Times issued a mealy-mouthed non-apology for its winking John McCain(*cough*SEX*cough*)-lobbyist story. Please; it's very important to non-apologize correctly:

Magnus Berger and Tenzin Wild's The Last Magazine threw a party last night to celebrate its second issue and the end of Fashion Week. Guests included Alexander Wang, Phillip Lim, Richard Chai, Michael Stipe, Gabi Asfour, Byrdie Bell, Vladimir Restoin-Roitfeld, Zoe Kravitz, Daisy Lowe, Stavros Niarchos, Natasha Poly, Derek Blasberg, Julia Stegner, designer Robert Geller, PC Valmorbida, Justin Portman, and Jamie Burke. [PMc, Wireimage, GoaG, SF]

The clip is a true teaser in every sense of the word: a lushly scored, dialogue-less series of...well, embraces. Still, it's known that Cruz is playing an actress caught up in a love rectangle, and that Almodóvar is looking to channel the spirit of directors like Nicholas Ray in making this film noir. There are three things that seem to bring out the best in Cruz: Almodóvar, Woody Allen, and Fergie's labia. We can't wait.

The Orlando Sentinel reports that as late as last week, Merrill Lynch was still sending employees down to the Ritz-Carlton in Orlando, supposedly to take part in "training events." We're going to go ahead and assume this news won't win Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis any points with Andrew Cuomo, who's already investigating the $4 billion in bonuses paid to Merrill employees just days before completing its sale to BofA. [Orlando Sentinel via Clusterstock]

It's Friday, and that means one thing: It's Defamer Friday Funtime! Wherein we share something completely stupid with you in the hopes that it will make you smile, possibly kickstarting a weekend of savage self-abuse.

What if you threw a conference and everybody came, but no one paid attention? A New York Times event for Web developers drew a crowd who sat and Twittered instead of listening to the speaker.

Hey everybody, turns out this clip was doctored, so please make a note: "John Gibson never compared Eric Holder to a monkey with a bright blue scrotum." Okay? [HuffPo]

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] Feb. 19 @ 9:30pm Mayor Mike Bloomberg grabbing a burger with his wife at J.G. Melon. He's much shorter than I expected.