Of all the possible Oscars surprises, the one most obvious—that Hugh Jackman will perform the show completely naked, his mind fizzily distracted by multiple Champagne cocktails on an empty stomach—never even occurred to us.

From a CNN interview:

CNN: How daring is it going to be? Will there be YouTube moments where people will be talking about the Oscars this year after it happens?

Jackman: One of my favorite moments at the Oscars was when the streaker came across David Niven. And we're upping it a level and we're just going to do most of the show naked. Um, well, there hopefully will be YouTube moments.

CNN: "The sexiest man alive" [is] going to be up there nude?

Jackman: Drunk and nude, yes. So that's our new fresh approach. It's the Australian way.

Another secret: The typical bathroom-break category Best Animated Short will be the breathtaking showstopper of the evening, when Jackman introduces each nominee employing his hidden skills as a masterly puppeteer of the penis. And yes, it will be projected on a giant LCD screen.