As part of the media's professionally-mandated obligation to scrutinize and pass judgment on every last detail of Michelle Obama's fashion choices, make-up, and comportment, we're now down to her eyelashes. Or, in fact, not her eyelashes but a rather splendid pair of falsies, which an eagle-eyed journalist breathlessly describes as "full-on, all-out diva lashes, the kind you normally find on D-list celebrities or in drag-act dressing rooms." The same pearl necklace with different outfits, but flawlessly-applied fake eyelashes: exactly the kind of prioritizing we can all learn from!

In 2007, NYC had "The Splasher," an anonymous pseudo-intellectual prick who went around defacing street art. Now England has its own pricks who've decided to deface Banksy murals. Unless it's an elaborate hoax.

Over the last few days, Gawker operative Stephen Kosloff continued to investigate the flora and fauna of the Gen Art film festival, which concluded last night. He brought you back these words and pictures.

[Katy Perry leaving a concert in New York; image via Splash]

One unmistakable sign that Russia is truly in the doldrums as it suffers the effects of the financial crisis? No, not the fact that Moscow had 74 billionaires a year ago, whereas now it just has 27. Russians accustomed to drinking champagne have been forced to turn (back) to vodka! [Bloomberg]

Today we have a secretly bitchy nice girl, an actor/comic/TV host who thinks he's a big deal when he actually isn't, and an in-college actor who is partying all the time and sleeping with their professor.

A very futuristic-looking Matthew Broderick climbing on his scooter outside his West Village townhouse ... Larry King walking on the Upper West Side ... Minnie Driver carrying a cup of coffee in the Village ... Angelina Jolie filming scenes for her new movie on Staten Island ... Jennifer Aniston covering up her face on the way out of her hotel ... Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon leaving their apartment en route to the airport ... Miley Cyrus walking on Madison Avenue with her sister ... Early Show weatherman Dave Price arriving at JFK ... Juliette Lewis walking by herself ... Joel Osteen and his wife Victoria leaving their hotel ... David Duchovny taking his daughter to the dentist ... and Naomi Watts sitting on a bench on the set of her new movie in Brooklyn.

Hm. Only the Washington Post would call a White House job "the ultimate status symbol in [a] generation's caste system," but regardless: all the Obama kids need work.

In the vulva corner: Gloomy, sky-is-falling, party boy economist Nouriel "Dr. Doom" Roubini. In the bug-eyed corner: Jim Cramer, hollering CNBC stock shill. They're fighting, and we all win!

Celebrity psychic Judi Hoffman says she predicted Angelina Jolie's twins, Lindsay Lohan's "secret other lover," and Eliot Spitzer's downfall. Now she's batting cancer and has been given a less than 10 percent chance of survival. But she isn't letting a trivial matter like that get in the way of business: "The Upper East Side clairvoyant is promising to answer the eternal life-after-death question, if and when she goes." [NYO]

Oh. Sweet. Jesus. The Somali pirates have gone and done it now: they've hijacked a ship with 20 Americans onboard. This will not end well.

The Four Seasons celebrates its 50th anniversary this spring and Vanity Fair marks the big occasion in the May issue with a "class photo," a collection of "some of the people who have long listed it on expense reports."

Being half of a celebrity twosome has its perks, not least of which is starpower greater than the sum of its parts. But there are certain rules that should be observed. Do not, under any circumstances, appear in a treacly magazine spread rhapsodizing about your love, or you will be broken up within a month. And please, resist the temptation to get matching tattoos, especially each other's names, as history has taught us that even the most inspiring and rock-solid romantic unions—Lindsay & Sam! Chris and Rihanna! Britney & K-Fed!—cannot survive the curse of the matching ink.

When Mort Zuckerman first revealed that he'd lost a bundle to Bernie Madoff via money manager Ezra Merkin, he seemed to brush it off, suggesting he'd only entrusted a small part of his charitable trust to Merkin. A few days ago, he revealed that it wasn't just his charitable foundation that fell victim; he lost $15 million of his own money, too. But the scandal may have cost him a good friend as well. Zuckerman's lawsuit, which you can view below, says Zuckerman had forged "a close relationship" with Merkin up until news of the scheme came to light.

• Former Morgan Stanley vice chairman Bruce Fiedorek has "quietly" put his fifth-floor co-op at 998 Fifth Avenue on the market for around $45 million. The 7,000-square-foot apartment, which was renovated by Stephen Sills and James Huniford and is one floor up from Len Blavatnik, is being listed by Kathy Sloane. [NYO]
• The sixth-floor co-op at 960 Park Avenue that belonged to the late Baroness Jacqueline de Gunzburg has gone into contract. It had been on the market most recently for $10.95 million. [Cityfile, Stribling]

Fox plans to make this whole layoff/recession thing into one big reality contest. Classy! "The show's working title is Someone's Gotta Go. Employees are called to a meeting and informed there will be layoffs, but with a reality show twist: The staff will be allowed to determine who is fired... It's the anti-Apprentice: Instead of contestants vying for a dream job, they're fighting to keep the lousy one they already have." [THR]

Where did Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg learn his imperious ways? Before he dropped out of Harvard, our social overlord was schooled in ruling others at Phillips Exeter Academy. Via a fellow Exonian, a leaked pic:

Designer Vivienne Westwood turns 68 today. Patricia Arquette is turning 41. Robin Wright Penn is 43. Legendary journalist and New Yorker contributor Sy Hersh is turning 72. Former UN Secretary General Kofi Annan is 71. Former State Senator Joe Bruno is 80. Disgraced ex-congressman Tom DeLay is turning 62. Betty Ford is 91. Julian Lennon turns 46. The rapper Biz Markie is 45. Rich Dad, Poor Dad author Robert Kiyosaki is 62. And Richard Hatch, the first winner of Survivor who is currently in prison for tax evasion, is 48 today.

Iran's reformers used blogs to circumvent government media controls. Dissidents in the Philippines used text messaging to help topple the government in 2001. For Europe's armpit, Moldova, Twitter is the protester's technology of choice.

Madonna banished the children she has to focus on feeling terrible about the one she can't have. Paris Hilton, meanwhile, now has what she couldn't, so who knows if she'll want it much longer.