Well that didn't take long. America must drop everything and deal with this pirate menace! Where are the Marines? Piracy is the new terrorism! Call out the big jets! We need serious "cannon fire":

Why gripe in your cubicle when you can "cc:" the entire Internet? That's what a Daily Show producer, a Chicago Tribune columnist, and a Time critic did on Twitter:

The genial Q TV host, Jian Ghomeshi, introduced Billy Bob as an "Oscar-winning screenwriter, actor, and director" when doing an interview with Thornton and his band The Boxmasters. And that ticked ol' Billy B. off something fierce.

How is tomorrow different from all other nights? The sitting president is having a seder! (Bush couldn't handle the four glasses of fruity European wine, obv.) Here are some things Obama probably won't be serving:

Last month it was widely reported that free-spending, once-cool designer Marc Ecko's empire was on the verge of bankruptcy. Today, we scored an internal memo from Ecko (kind of) reassuring his employees. And another rumor!

[Stylist Rachel Zoe in New York today; image via Bauer-Griffin]

• The Four Seasons may be having its moment as it celebrates its 50th, but things aren't so cheery across the street. John McDonald and Josh Picard's Lever House closes on Friday, supposedly for "renovations." [TFB]
• Jim Lahey's Co. gets a one-star from Frank Bruni in today's Times. [NYT]
• The Post's Steve Cuozzo isn't blown away by Per Se's à la carte menu. [NYP]
• Restaurants & Institutions list of the 100 top-grossing restaurants is online. Tavern on the Green, Smith & Wollensky, Tao, Buddakan, and Sparks Steak House round out New York City's top five. [R&I]
• A roundup of what's opened this week, and what's coming soon. [NYT]

"It's the shit." I'm sorry. [via Adrants]

Dee Snider was seated comfortably in the middle of the orchestra section at last night's Broadway opening of power ballad jukebox musical Rock of Ages. Yes, it's that un-theatery a piece of theater fluff.

Let's forget Facebook's soaring costs, screwed-up redesign, and paranoid 24-year-old CEO, and gaze at what Mark Zuckerberg has wrought: 200 million users chatting, flirting, living on one website. Has anyone accomplished a similar feat?

All the world's "money" is now merely decorative, its value determined totally by bulk weight, like hay. And since currency is now cheaper than ink, it's a perfect advertising medium!

Hey, here is an ad that will make you furious. Furious! It is about how the gay marriage will hurt these people. You've never seen so many infuriating lies in 60 seconds.

What's so amazing that keeps us wannabe-stargazing? I mean, really. What is so amazing? This season is so bland and undercooked. And yet I keep trudging back, grumbling away week in, week out.

Sarah Palin's former future son-in-law, Levi Johnston, hit the Early Show, continuing his soft-spoken media beef with the Alaska governor. He blames his breakup with Bristol Palin, the mother of his child, on the election.

So apparently the hero crew that retook their hijacked ship from the pirates today just left one little thing behind: the ship's captain [UPDATED below]:

Television commercials for Dr. Zizmor, the dermatologist who made blanketing the subway with his rainbow-colored ads his calling card? Could it be? Sadly, no. It seems some people are creating unauthorized Zizmor commercials, perhaps in the hope that in so doing the great doctor will follow. We salute you, Layer Cake Productions. Dr. Z would be crazy not to call you the moment he makes plans to branch out. [YouTube via Art Fag City]

David Spade's relation to Kate Spade is almost as mind-blowing as when I learned that the actress who plays Moses' wife in Cecil B. DeMille's The Ten Commandments went on to play Lily Munster.

In your swashbuckling Wednesday media column: XXL-Giant feud update, NPR infighting, nobody's scared of ASME, the Boston Globe is mad, son, and dead goats save newspapers:

Plastic surgeons have been reporting a big drop in business in recent months, which isn't at all surprising. If you can't pay your Visa bill and you're behind on your rent, the last thing you're going to invest in is a new face, right? Naturally, this is not good news for plastic surgeons: If they can't find people willing to invest in new faces, how are they supposed to cover their mortgages? Well, it looks like they've come up with the perfect tactic to reverse the decline.

Tracy Morgan can't lose! The gonzo 30 Rock star makes bizarre TV appearances and doesn't get in trouble. We just laugh and love him more, and then the incident becomes a joke on 30.