• Yet another Real Housewife is making moves in the Hamptons. Days after it was reported that Kelly Killoren Bensimon and Luann de Lesseps were both looking to sell their places in the Hamptons comes word that Ramona Singer and her husband Mario are looking to rent their 7,000-square-foot Southampton home. The six-bedroom house with pool table and 70-inch flat-screen—not to mention the sunken tennis court outside, which is perfect for reality TV face-offs—will run you $295,000 for the season. [Cityfile, Corcoran]

The Beatrice Inn returns next week, supposedly. A slow death, then.

It's all relative: Madonna's way less grounded than her ex; Vancouverites are higher than Britney Spears; Tina Fey is as folksy as her neighbor; and Michael Phelps isn't quite the drunkest clubber.

Marc Jacobs has several reasons to celebrate today. In addition to his recent engagement, he'll also be blowing out 46 candles on his birthday cake today. Others marking the big day: NBC chief Jeff Zucker is 44. Hugh Hefner turns 83. Cynthia Nixon is 43. Leighton Meester is turning 23. Albert Hammond Jr. is turning 29. Joe Scarborough is 46. Porn queen Jenna Jameson is 35. Dennis Quaid turns 55. Fashion designer Martin Margiela is 52. Restaurateur Taavo Somer turns 36. Twilight actress Kristen Stewart is 19. Jesse McCartney turns 22. America's Next Top Model winner Yoanna House is 29. And former model-turned-ANTM judge Paulina Porizkova is 44.

• Is Billy Joel planning to split up with Katie Lee? That's what the Enquirer is claiming this week, suggesting that Katie's "cozy relationship" with "hunky designer" Yigal Azrouel has caused Billy to consider dumping her. But not until his tour ends in November, which doesn't make much sense. [National Enquirer]
• A New Jersey man says Bruce Springsteen caused the breakup of his marriage. In divorce papers, he alleges Bruce and his estranged wife have been having an affair since the two met up at a local gym more than a year ago. [Star]
• Michael Phelps "skeeved out onlookers" at Marquee on Tuesday by drinking straight from a bottle of vodka and "dancing like a loon," all while making out with his cocktail waitress girlfriend. [NYDN]
• Breaking! Brad Pitt took sons Maddox and Pax to a Dunkin Donuts in Oyster Bay yesterday morning just like a "regular guy." [Star]

• Wall Street opened higher this morning after Wells Fargo predicted it would report a record $3 billion profit for the first quarter of 2009. [CNN, AP]
• You may soon be able to bail out America, too: The Obama administration is currently looking at ways to "give ordinary Americans a chance to profit from the bailouts that are being financed by their tax dollars." [NYT]
• Meredith Whitney has become as close to a household name as a banking industry analyst can get. But is she overhyped? [WSJ]

As any political campaign manager knows, sanctimonious attacks only invite a more outraged rebuttal. The Wall Street Journal's Google-slamming editor just learned how quickly anger boomerangs online.

Bloomberg Spends $3 Million on TV Ads in Mayoral Race [NYT]
Related: Mayor Mike's New Spanish Language Phrasebook [Cityfile]

The New York Times reports on its front page today that the real estate downturn is finally hitting Manhattan, hard. The key example? 99 John Street, apparently Alex McCord's favorite condo conversion.

Facebook is already missing its CFO. Sheryl Sandberg, the social network's publicity-hungry COO now tells BusinessWeek that the money-losing social network is "profitable." Not because its revenues exceed its expenses, but because she says so!

Last year, MTV really screwed over its freelancers, delaying their paychecks and even hoarding charity stipends. This year, we hear, it's firing some so as not to pay benefits, and making them train replacements.

Men who lasted less than a minute in bed have to endure a whole rigamarole of counseling, anti-depressants, fix the underlying problem yadda yadda whatever. Not anymore, because now there's a miracle numbing spray.

The conservative press is very upset at this latest Obama GAFFE, in which he does a subservient bow to the king of Saudi Arabia, or maybe just bends down to shake shorty's hand.

Fox News analyst Thomas McInerney bizarrely twisted today's pirate attack to cheerlead for a pricey fighter the Obama administration plans to cancel. Is that because he's been paid by a contractor on the plane?

• Were you looking forward to that Kate Moss cookbook that was rumored to be in the works? It ain't happening, according to her rep. [SW]
• Topshop is scouting for a second location (possibly near 34th Street), and Nordstrom is looking to crack the Manhattan market. [NYM]
• Simon Doonan on Michelle Obama's edgy fashion choices last week: "What's next? Lady Gaga zippers on the eyes?" [NYO]
• The owner of Christian Lacroix is in talks to sell a stake in the company. [WSJ]
• Designer Samantha Pleet has a fashion-centric reality show in the works. And Bee Shaffer was approached to do a show, too. [Pipeline]
• Spa Week runs from April 13 to 19, if you're interested. [Metromix]

Dear Kyra Philips:

Bernie Madoff's tickets for the Mets season opener at Citi Field next week are now on sale on eBay. Just a few rows from the field! Access to the Delta Club and free parking included! Low reserve! Cash, money order or certified bank check, please. [Ebay]

Online aggregators are financial vampires sucking the lifeblood out of the news business! You know — evil digital upstarts like the Wall Street Journal, CNN, and the New York Times.

[The Grand nightclub in Manhattan, last night; image via sketchy record's Flickr]

OK! Magazine has had some issues with Photoshop on their cover before. This week, they show how amputating a leg may be the easiest and fastest way to lose 90 pounds. Diet secrets revealed, indeed.