What the hell is wrong with Caroline Kennedy? Didn't she learn that she doesn't really care for public scrutiny, one bit? Why did she want to be the ambassador to the Vatican?

Remember Neel Kashkari, the government's workaholic bailout czar? We're guessing his job overseeing the nation's finances isn't keeping him that busy. He had time to return to his high school and give a speech!

No idea why they went to all this trouble—they spoofed Die Hard and 24 as well—but let's be glad they did, because not much real news is happening on this religion-tainted Friday. [Smooth Originals via Adfreak]

Good gravy. After a tough week of feeling like a schlub, it's nice to get a reminder that going out sucks. Today's example? A disastrous Paper magazine party to which an editor was denied entrance.

In your finally Friday media column: the New York Times "eats crow" (funny joke LOL), the Newseum wins, ASME loses, and police charge Fox with being annoying:

[Angelina Jolie and crew on the New York set of "Salt"; image via INF]

It's hard to be a gay Republican, what with the Republican party denying your personhood in their national platform. But you hate taxes, so you stick with it. And what thanks do you get?

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Amy Poehler's Parks & Recreation premiered last night. We thought it was pretty good. Detractors' complaint? It's too much like its older bro, The Office. To which we say: Nonsense! They're so totally different.

The Daily Beast, Tina Brown's online journalism venture, has decided to sully itself by accepting money from a company in exchange for displaying various sales pitches for said company on its pages. Is nothing sacred?

Look how great this Ed Skyler guy is, with his Batman-esque crime-fighting work:

Recent student takeovers at the New School and NYU were allowed to drag on for days with negotiations and demands; but today's New School takeover has already been crushed by cops! And there's no amnesty:

• The publisher of the Los Angeles Times is defending his decision to put an ad disguised as a news story on the front page of the paper yesterday. [LAT]
• A Fox Entertainment employee has reportedly been arrested for stealing the personal information of other Fox employees. [TVN]
• NBC is developing a sitcom based on George Gurley's Observer column. [P6]
• Angelina Jolie, Victoria Beckham and Lauren Conrad were among the "most salable cover faces" for fashion magazines in 2008. The least? Nicole Kidman, Carrie Underwood, and Rachel Weisz. [WWD]
• Dylan Ratigan talks about his departure from CNBC and move to ABC. [BI]
• Speaking of covers, are struggling celebrity tabloids paying for them? [NYP]
• The Daily Beast, Tina Brown's website, will introduce ads shortly. [AdAge]
• Fox News chairman Roger Ailes and his wife, Elizabeth, have purchased another local newspaper in Putnam County. [Portfolio]
• NBC will air a "comedy showcase" featuring Jay Leno on May 19. [NYT]

Because God forbid there should be any time or place that isn't an opportunity for women to buy expensive make-up and skincare, Fred Segal has pioneered a vending machine—launching at their LA store but poised to go nationwide at gyms, airports, and nightclubs—that sells brands like Lancome and Bliss. Fine, but let's hope for more vending machines like they have in Japan, where a quick swipe of your credit card provides you with instant access to underwear, a live lobster or even a glimpse into your future. [Allure]

Martha Stewart, our arch-nemesis, has a few ideas about how to save some money during this recession: buy fewer trees, but more glitter kits. She also demands that you knit her a scarf!

This is what the Tea Party thing is about: a bunch of think tanks and marketing firms are convincing a couple thousand unemployed right wing cranks to get together to protest literally everything (but mostly they are protesting still-imaginary future tax increases that have been proposed by no one), and they are protesting by mailing Lipton tea bags to members of congress, along with cryptic, nonsensical notes. (We are angry in Maine!)

It's Good Friday, y'all! Trinity Street Wall Church is reliving Christ's suffering on the cross 140 characters at a time on Twitter. (Oh, and God is on Twitter, if you were wondering.)

How does America deal with hard times? By trimming the fat from our budgets. D.I.Y., people! Out: paying people for things. In: squatting in houses and being your own lawyer!

What thoughts keep magazines bosses up late at night? Late last night John Koten, the CEO of Fast Company publisher Mansueto Ventures, was wondering why his staff hasn't asked him about how great he is.

Even though striving to climb the company ladder, earn more money, boss more people around, and have a fancier title on one's business card is basically what everyone in corporate America is programmed to do, it turns out that being promoted, like literally everything else to do with work, is bad for you. The mental health of managers, say researchers, "typically deteriorates after a job promotion, and in a way that goes beyond merely a short-term change." Good think to keep in mind if you've been stuck in the same dead-end job for the last few years now! [MSNBC]