It's true. The memo went out today. Work like everyone else, damn it. We all must suffer as one.

ZOMG guys, are you dying? Real Housewives of New Jersey premieres tonight, and it's getting really good reviews. I mean, not like Wire reviews. But good for a reality show reviews.

Hello. My name is Joshua David Stein I am a fan of Top Chef, Padma Lakshmi and nipples. Trebly so when the three combine. NSFW, kinda gloriously.

So Norm Coleman would like to use campaign funds to pay legal bills in connection with that weird suit-buying oil exec scandal. Did you know that it's very expensive to not respond to media inquiries?

The suicide last month of acting Freddie Mac chief financial officer David Kellerman apparently sparked an obstruction of justice investigation by the Troubled Asset Relief Program's special inspector general, Gawker has learned.

Yesterday, asshole expert Jared Paul Stern identified German "Prince" Marcus von Anhalt as the "World's Richest Asshole." Like all noblemen, the Prince has a Myspace page:

• The restaurant formerly known as Ago will reopen next Tuesday under the name Locanda Verde. Andrew Carmellini is executive chef and a co-owner with Robert De Niro; Ken Friedman consulted on the new design. [NYT]
• Rumor has it Per Se's Jonathan Benno may be going off on his own. [TFB]
• Tasti-D-Lite isn't intimidated by Pinkberry or Red Mango: It plans to open 35 new outlets over the next decade. Related fro-yo news: Pinkberry is opening stores abroad and a chain called Yogurtland is expanding, too. [AMNY, NRN]
• Famed Coney Island pizzeria Totonno's won't be back in biz until July. [LC]
• Style.com's list of the 13 dumbest boomtime cocktails saves special mentions for local spots like The Eldridge, PDT, and World Bar. [Style.com]

Just when you were beginning to worry you'd never get to see Tony Danza on primetime TV ever again comes the news that Danza is back! Or he will be in the near future, and he'll be back in his native Brooklyn, no less. A&E has signed him up to do a new reality show, which is "billed as a real-life 'Welcome Back Kotter,' with Danza returning to teach high school students in his native New York." We can't say basing a program on Welcome Back Kotter is a recipe for rating success, although to A&E's credit, having Steven Seagal take a job as a sheriff's deputy in Louisiana for a new series? A no-brainer, clearly. [THR]

[Jennifer Aniston out and about in New York City today; image via Splash]

FuckedCompany creator Philip "Pud" Kaplan will soon be a married man. So why did he just unveil Flirt140, the world's most awesome online flirting site?

Download "Kanye Vision": Lets you browse the internet through shutter shades. Do it now. [F.A.T. via Animal NY]

That wisp dancing up into the azure sky isn't smoke from the Fire of Santa Barbara. No, it's bits of the dearly departed soul of Spencerina, fleeting up to heaven to make handbags with God.

In her latest video, Cutrone declares the headband trend dead, although the "Michelle Obama bringing back Camelot" head kerchief is totally hot. And you should make sure you've buried your cowboy boots in the back of the closet and have you have your collection of open-toed shoes ready for summer. And what is Kelly, herself, wearing while she says all this? Cowboy boots, of course. As she explains at the end of the video, being totally out of style is totally in style, and "pretty much everything I just said is now cancelled."

Writers are getting mad as hell about digital versions of their books getting pirated online. Ursula K. Le Guin and Harlan Ellison will sue you. But we like horror mogul Stephen King's approach: insults!

Which is more unbearable: Tucker Max, or Ohio State University student group Womyn and Allies Rising in Resistance (WaARiR)? Finally, they've met in a death match so we can find out!

Our dreams have come true! New Yorker contributor and Twitterati regular Susan Orlean is whaling away on whiny, blogorrheic ex-staff writer Dan Baum on Twitter. Grab some popcorn, follow @susanorlean and @danielsbaum, and enjoy!

Last night on tv's Dr House, MD, House finally slept with Cuddy!! But it turned out that he didn't. SPOILER ALERT: this made the internet, and Times critic Gina Bellafante, feel very :(

Free Arts NYC hosted its 10th annual art and photography auction last night. Attendees at the Calvin Klein Collection-sponsored event, which was hosted by Kevin Bacon and Michelle Monaghan, included Calvin Klein's Francisco Costa and Italo Zucchelli, Amy Sacco, Glenda Bailey, Julia Restoin Roitfeld, Hilary Rhoda, Ed Westwick, Lindsay Price, Karolina Kurkova, Yvonne Force Villareal, Zani Gugelmann, Kimberly Guilfoyle and Eric Villency, Thom Browne, Molly Sims, Andrew Saffir, Beth Ostrosky, Erin Fetherston, Mary Alice Stephenson, David Granger, Helen Lee Schifter, Glenn O'Brien, Kate Schelter, Richard Chai, Jeremy Kost, Mickey Boardman, Kathryn Neale, Ross Bleckner, Simon de Pury, and Andrew Fry. [PMc, Wireimage, FWD, SF]

In your countercultural Tuesday media column: Gay porn mags fold en masse, Chevron is evil as usual, Slate deems women capable of running their very own blog, and prison radio kicks ass: