In 2003, the city signed a five-year, $166 million deal to make Snapple the "official beverage" of New York City. It didn't take long before the pact was branded a failure, and it never managed to bring in cash that the city had hoped for. The agreement comes to an end this year. And now the city appears to be getting one last parting shot. The city's Health Department announced a new ad campaign today, which is supposed to "scare New Yorkers away from soda, sports drinks, bottled teas and other drinks with sugar in them," and features "streams of sugary drinks turning into glistening yellow globs of human fat, mottled with blood vessels and served on ice." The drink used in the ad? It bears a striking resemblance to a bottle of Snapple, doesn't it? Given the mayor's pattern of "extreme peevishness" in recent months, we're going to assume this isn't a coincidence.

[Renee Zellweger looks for some help in the beauty aisle at Pavillions grocery store in L.A. yesterday. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Learn to decode subtle Facebook brags, and become annoyed with your "friends" all over again.

Happy 25th anniversary of coked-out young dudes writing novels about being coked-out young dudes! To celebrate, Random House is finally updating the cover of Bright Lights, Big City.

It was announced today that Disney shelled out $4 billion for Marvel Entertainment, Inc. Not only does it now own Spider-Man, the X-Men, and Iron Man, but is also in business with almost every Hollywood studio. What a tangled web!

Cablevision, which foolishly bought Newsday for $650 million and promptly began running it into the ground (more so), is now setting money alight by rejecting newspaper ads from Cablevision competitor Verizon. Cablevision is unskilled at newspaper management. [NYT]

Kevin Bacon heading into Da Silvano to meet a friend for lunch ... Blake Lively and Penn Badgley walking down Fifth Avenue ... Hugh Grant jogging in SoHo ... Mischa Barton taking a smoking break outside ... David Letterman getting ready to play tennis with Andy Roddick outside the Late Show ... Maroon 5's Adam Levine walking downtown with his girlfriend ... Christina Milian hugging her fiancé, and later shopping at American Apparel ... Jane Krakowski walking with boyfriend Robert Godley in the Village ... actress Archie Panjabi filming scenes for The Good Wife ... ... and Rihanna taking her brothers to see The Lion King on Broadway.

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We don't know what this letter was even about (Glenn Beck probably?), but because we do not wish to Stifle Free Speech, like they do in North Korea, we will publish it.

"None of my friends mess with that anymore," a former cokehead banker who's now neither of those things tells Daily Intel. "It's like they grew up overnight when the banks died." Man. That is some powerful shit. Cocaine, we mean.

It isn't easy being a single woman in New York City. Half the guys you meet are obnoxious and pretentious; the other half are unemployed and think it's perfectly reasonable to take you to Starbucks and Papaya King on a first date. Well, here's a useful reminder that as annoying as the NYC dating scene is, you should be thankful that you don't live in the suburbs. Since it's unlikely you'll be driving your car to meet your date at a restaurant, it's also unlikely that your date will end up stealing your car halfway through dinner. [NYDN]

You learn something new every day: Second-string NYC borough Queens is home to one of the city's "wealthiest communities!" Furthermore, the laughably stereotypical residents of this community are locked in a laughably stereotypical class war with laughably stereotypical college kids.

It's not good enough to just be gay anymore. To rank, you have to be a total S&M queen. Oh, the modern age! It is also home to dirty game show hosts, undersexed starlets, and secret relationships. Whip it!

It's certainly nice to see Cindy Adams finally embrace her Hispanic heritage, isn't it? Let's hope she shares a few more of these previously unreported tidbits when she opens up her Park Avenue apartment for "four nights only" at the end of September and gets attendees to pay $250 a ticket to hear her tell stories in her living room. [New Yorker]

• Albert Hammond Jr. has finally managed to close on the sale of his East Village apartment. The 1,200-square-foot pad located at 141 East 3rd Street, which first came on the market for $1.199 million in August 2008 and had been listed for $899,000 when Hammond went into contract back in June, sold for $976,500. [NYP]
• LendingTree founder Douglas Lebda has taken a hefty loss on the sale of his penthouse at the Legacy on East 84th Street. The 5,175-square-foot apartment, which Lebda bought for $8.6 million in 2007 and was listed for $7.5 million when it went into contract earlier this month, sold for $6.65 million to trader Garrett Bauer. [Cityfile]
• Private eye Bo Dietl is putting his Manhasset home on the market. The former cop picked up five-bedroom house with koi pond and three waterfalls for $2.3 million in 2004. It can now be yours for $3.295 million. [Newsday, PDE]

Richard Gere turns 60 today. Violinist Itzhak Perlman is turning 64. Society photographer Patrick McMullan is 54. Comedian Chris Tucker is turning 37. Giants head coach Tom Coughlin is 63. Rolf Schmidt-Holtz, the CEO of Sony BMG, is turning 61. Van Morrison is 64. Olympic gold medalist Edwin Moses is turning 54. Luca di Montezemolo, the chairman of Fiat and Ferrari, is 62. Queen Rania of Jordan turns 39. And '80s pop idol Debbie Gibson celebrates her 39th birthday today.

• DJ AM's overdose on Friday appears to have been accidental, according to law enforcement sources who spoke with TMZ. It seems the celeb DJ, who claimed he'd been sober for 11 years, only started using drugs again after he was prescribed anti-anxiety and pain meds following his plane crash last year. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Those rumors that Chelsea Clinton plans to marry boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky in Martha's Vineyard this summer are heating up again. A large tent and stage have been set up in the area, although no one's sure if it's for the Clinton wedding. [P6]
• Joan Rivers says Libyan leader Moammar Khadafy was thinking about renting her Fifth Avenue apartment for $200K a week, but recently changed his mind. The upshot? Rivers won't have to worry about the dictator "roasting cows in her living room." [P6]

Maybe Ben Bernanke really did know what he was doing, because the Federal Reserve has raked in an estimated $14 billion from fees and interests stemming from the bailout. But, never fear, there could still be bigger, uncounted losses. [FT]

The Scientologists had their henchmen remove that scary jargon video. But we captured it.

Heidi Montag wants to be impregnated. Bethenny Frankel wants new friends. And Martha's Vineyard wants to see Chelsea Clinton wear white. Good morning! It's Monday's Gossip Roundup!