In the wake of David Letterman's staff scoring stiffy, we decided to look back at some of our favorite media ass-magnets. These are extraordinary examples of why straight guys get in this business in the first place: the crazy poon, bro.

Revered ABC News journalist and mother of two Cokie Roberts knows where she stands on Roman Polanski. And her take on justice involves a shallow grave.

We're taught to shoot for the stars, to be ambitious. Well screw that, because, as swindler Marc Dreier demonstrates, no matter how hard you try to be the best, someone will always be better.

Well! The guy who directed Independence Day thinks it's gonna fall off the coast first. This Guardian article suggests the more likely possibility: that they're going to go bankrupt. Guest starring Michael Pollan not eating food!

What a small world! Who would've thought? Marty Singer—the lawyer laying into my boss for a cool mil over the McSteamy Tape—would be taking other big-money cases on behalf of sleazy celebrities? Well, he got to Kate Gosselin!

BOOM! goes the dynamite, or or in this case, Nikki Finke's New Yorker "profile" that dropped today. It's an insubstantial but fairly fun read with a few juicy anecdotes. Nikki's already reacted. Family friendly journalism, right here. Bring the kids:

Tucker Max's second week in theaters. Guess how he did. No, really. Guess.

Damn, I didn't even know those things still existed. A reader emails us with a tip about T-Mobile's Sidekick service being down. Twitter is up in arms! A certain blogger-cum-brand is stirring up chaos! What to do?!

Altarcations are birthing friendships from our loins. Wonder if Phyllis Nefler will help this week's NYT Weddings & Celebrations elite fraternize over love of pervy facial hair and difficulties paying for pricey gay marriages. Bonds: we make them happen.

Another former David Letterman fling came out, noting the "love den" he's running at the Ed Sullivan Theater, breathlessly reports the New York Post, the New York Daily News, and whoever else. What's in it? Whips? Chains? Madonna's panties?

Last night, we hear that celebrity chef Todd English stood up his bride-to-be at the altar, has been in Florida the last three days, and was never going to show. This morning, the New York Post runs the story. How?

Lindsay Lohan makes her big Paris Fashion Week catwalk debut. Beyonce dad is impregnating women and moving women to the left. Vincent Gallo: still awesome. Liza Minella, Michael Jackson, Padma, Diller, the High Line! Here's your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Well, that was an interesting day. Jews! They're having identity issues, they're having sex scandals, they're having stomach aches, they're having a holiday with something called an "etrog" and a DIY beer cave. It's called Sukkot, and it starts today.

Two fun facts on stylish Jersey-Shore-via-Tehran Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: 1. He might be Jewish. 2. Iran is now definitely capable of producing a working nuclear bomb that could basically wipe his maybe-Yid Israeli relatives out of existence. Fun!

Maybe it's true, maybe not, but it certainly seems like the amount of tragedy tied to reality television productions gets disproportionately larger each year. The ex-fiance of Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss, A.J. Jewell, was killed last night.

Letterman got busted in a sex scandal, and of course, it was great fodder for his late night competition and contemporaries. Leno, Fallon, and Bill Maher all took shots. Video after the jump.

Confirmed: last night's episode of Law and Order was indeed the Hipster Grifter-inspired story. Footage coming soon, but while Keri Ferril's still incarcerated, we need a new hipster folk hero in her stead. Meet the Zooey Deschanel-esque taggette Danielle Bremner.

Sign That Shit's Bad: Ivy League alum deigning to include the previously excluded, those wannabe-Ivy guttertrash punks! What used to be considered a step above Chico State now makes the cut for scholastic Blue-Blooded's get-togethers. What gives? Introducing Ivy Plus.

The Disney-owned production house named after founders Bob and Harvey Weinsteins' parents, Miramax, is—like Bob and Harvey's current shop—facing tough times. But while The Weinstein Company struggles for air, Miramax is being choked out by its corporate parents.

Kristen Stewart thinks she's boring now sans social life. Oh, honey. Lady Gaga wants Kanye to respect the cock(y decision she made to leave their tour). Jon Gosselin: still a cock. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup: