Ah, Can't Hardly Wait. The teen movie of all 90s teen movies- a mockable story of a hopeless romantic nerd-type who's in love with the popular girl. The movie is a "Where's Waldo" of actors who became successful later on.

Pop-warner is supposed to teach kids about sportsmanship, competitive spirit, and football fundamentals. Tell that to the kids who are alternating between giving other kids concussions and smoking on the sidelines.

Riddle me this! What do Greenville, South Carolina, allegations of John McCain's illegitimate African American kid, Christian Coalition leader Ralph Reed, and former Dubya press secretary Ari Fleischer getting a blowjob have in common? No, really: guess. Ready? So awesome:

Derek Jeter: planning on sexing Minka Kelly in all 62 rooms of St. Jetersburg. Sandra Bullock's new look: chola. Anna Wintour: apartment shopping for spawn. Diddy and Jay-Z: alone with caviar? Alec Baldwin: apocalyptic. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup!

Good christ. I need a drink. So do Tiger and Brad, and probably some Secret Service guys, too. Time to pour some Saturday night open thread.

Everyone needs to stop being so mean. Why aren't our White House Party Crashers being toasted? These guys are awesome...for America. Why?

Tomorrow night, a TV ratings battle for the ages. Two dogs, on two different networks, will attempt to save Christmas. In doing so, they will demonstrate the completely brainsucking, disturbingly palpable lack of originality in television programming. New lows, ahead.

Take a gander at up-and-comer John Mulaney as he discusses the first time he came off as threatening to someone.

"French oyster farmers suffer wave of thefts." As far as stealing goes: whimsical, right?

Further proving the road to hell as indeed paved with good intentions—or in this case, "green" concrete—Brad Pitt's taking flack for building housing in New Orleans' Katrina-devastated Lower Ninth ward. The houses are dreamy. The reaction isn't.

Jenny Sanford's husband, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, cheated on his wife with an Argentinean lover. Now, with his political career is in shambles, it's time for Jenny Sanford's star to shine bright! And make a decent buck, too.

After getting into Tulane, NYU, USC, Michigan State, an Ivy, a safety school, and whatever liberal arts school you threatened your Republican parents with actually attending, there's only one you really need to worry about: Cannabis College. Bongs away.

Were she alive, today would be Anna Nicole Smith's forty-second birthday. Here, only months before her death in 2007, she is seen in clown makeup, confusing the 8 month old fetus living inside her for a bout of gas.

Mike Penner, LA Times sports columnist, was found dead in her apartment yesterday; it appears to be a suicide. Penner famously came out as a transsexual, becoming Christine Daniels, and one of America's few transgender sports writers. [LAist]

National Enquirer's story on Tiger Woods at center of cheating allegations: posted.

This cool animated short film is some easy viewing for your lazy, Saturday afternoon eyes.

I can't even begin with this one. Some blog is pretty sure Adam Lambert got peed on by a transvestite at The Box. Ergo, TRANNYPEEGATE.

Mr. Show premiered in 1995 on HBO and starred David Cross and Bob Odenkirk, two current bigwigs in the alternative comedy scene. For those of you who have never experienced Mr. Show, this is a great way to start.

Whoops! Last night, everyone was pretty sure Tiger Woods' "Operation: Lovetap" accident was followed by his wife smashing his car's back window to save him. Looks now like she was doing it to bludgeon him. Scorned lovers, coming up. FORE!

Jennifer Aniston takes Morocco by....storm? She's dating (or not dating) a camel. Posh Spice has bunions. Jake Gyllenhaal is special. Courtney Love's greatest hookup ever. Thanksgiving Dinner at the Waverly Inn. LiLo being LiLo. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup: