Is everyone tired of sex? Tiger might be. Politicians definitely aren't, and neither are Tay². Hopefully, Jeter's is worth it. Paul Anka obviously is. Here's your Saturday Night open thread. Oh, and as for me?

Wow. A fourth mistress: out of the woodwork, claiming to have slept with Tiger Woods. The number of opportunities to make bad golf jokes is extraordinary. Let's try to resist the temptation as we count up Tiger's many strokes.

Here is a clip from Mr. Show alumnus and comedian extraordinaire, Paul F Tompkin's Comedy Central Presents Special. In it he discusses the the tired, cliched statements that are consistently spewed by new fathers.

Alternate headline: "Irony of MTV's Jersey Shore Losing Advertising by Business Offensive to Most Italian-Americans Obviously Lost on Both Parties." Whatever; they're just not going to be in on the fist-pumping fun. Pass the hair gel. [TMZ]

Billy Joel's daughter with Christie Brinkley, singer-songwriter Alexa Ray Joel, rushed to St. Vincent's, is there in stable condition. An AP source cited overdosing on pharmaceuticals, speculating a suicide attempt. A publicist has a stonewall, saying they're "assessing her needs."

Yes, you New York ignoramuses. There are in fact Jews in Montana.

Sometimes, multiple Gawker Stalker sightings create mosaic portraits of celebrities in their seemingly unobserved moments. We've got one better, today: an operative working at a Derek Jeter-frequented Starbucks in Tampa, who sees girlfriend Minka Kelly as the once-benevolent Jeter's downfall.

Video via Jenny 8 Lee, and credit where it's due: Ryan Tate offered that the "U.S. should license Hello Kitty for some kind of Guantanamo infomercial." Not bad. Who else could benefit from cute, cuddly characters to calm the nerves of a populace about to have their lives dramatically changed by people who want to control the world?

File Under: Ideas Bad for Humanity. An industrious writer embarked on a mission to recreate the now-banned Hipster Holy Water known as Sparks. Reactions? "God, that's so fucking gross," and "This is the best day of my life." Success! [SFWeekly]

Every once in a while, a trend piece is groundbreaking in identifying a movement in a zeitgeist. The other 99/100 are inherently ridiculous. This is no exception. The Wall Street Journal has penned an investigation into "Heavage." Yes: men's cleveage.

Florida Governor Charlie Christs: having parents of uninsured children call sex hotlines. Montana Senators: nominated mistresses to be U.S. Attorneys. Republicans running for the New Jersey's state legislature: campaigning for The Dildo Party. Today's politics are for dicks and pussies.

This Human Giant sketch is probably one of the best parodies of the ever popular "To Catch A Predator" series. Does anyone else miss watching Chris Hansen surprising sad sack pedophiles?

Yesterday: ridiculous PR kerfuffles by The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation's attempts to condemn ABC for canceling supposedly-risque Adam Lambert performing on Kimmel or Dick Clark's Octogenarian NYE. Now, Glambert made The View, and GLAAD wrote a release. Naturally.

Taylor² (Lautner and Swift) are awesome, and even Kings of Leon say so. Amy Adams: having a baby, and this too, is awesome. Naomi Campbell, Julia Roberts, and George Stephanopoulos give me 90s nostalgia. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.

Everybody loved ALF in the 1980s, but it wasn't until the Emmy winning cartoon hit the airwaves that anybody really understood him. His name was Gordon, and before his planet of Melmac was blown to smithereens he had a family.

NYDN: 'Brooklyn wife plots to abort baby of husband's lover.' Good Morning, NYC.

Hard to see anyone knocking the teenage vampires off their perch this weekend — especially as Up In the Air is only in limited release — but a few old stalwarts are reporting for duty and ready to try.

What's better than mocking Tiger Woods? Watching The Soup mock the reporters obsessed with the random, salacious details of the story! After the jump, watch what we think was the funniest part of tonight's episode. Also, a bonus: WENDY. WILLIAMS.

A Brit got "pissed;" a Chicago Tribuner made it a double; and Mark Glaser stumbled over bums. The Twitterati were not finding sobriety.