Ombudsmen, the Internal Affairs officers of journalism, should be feared and respected—but mostly: feared—by their respective publications. It's their job. The New York Times' Clark Hoyt? Quickly going soft. The Washington Post's Andrew Alexander? Pussywhipped. What's happening here?

The Nevada State Board of Health has made a change in brothel regulations that will allow men to be prostitutes—even for other dudes! Seems like some sort of twisted consolation for New York's failed gay marriage bill, right?

MTV drummed up publicity for Jersey Shore by promising controversial footage of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi being punched. Now that it has everyone's attention, MTV is backing out, pulling the footage and trying to erase it from the Internet. Good luck!

Craigslist Posting of the Week? By the time you get to "cock deficiency," yes.

We get some decent Stalker Sightings on the weekends, even with our spies hard at work brunching and shopping and, really, probably reporting these drunk. Yet some are especially concise, astute, catty, or somehow otherwise spectacular. Like this one.

That's two. Accenture announced today: they're ending all promotions with Tiger Woods as their pitchman (using the line "High Performance: Delivered). The Sponsorship Dance Card's been updated. Related inquiry: Will mistress outings be inversely proportional to sponsorship pull-outs? [WSJ]

Silvio Berlusconi's Facepunching: Now with video! NYDN's Mike Lipack Firing: Lotsa people hated him!

Gawker Weddings Expert Phyllis Nefler's on vacation, and I'm forcing her to file today, because it's late and Angela Merkel has yet to get facepunched. NYT's Weddings & Celebrations, we're taking you on this week together, gallery style.

What follows the jump is video of a man at Flinders Street Station in Melbourne, in a chicken suit, playing "What is Love?" on a Pianica. Again, I'll say it: All the freaky people make the beauty of the world.

Yes, folks, that is Alexandra Ashley Dupre. That Alexandra Ashley Dupre. Writing for that New York Post. Fill in the lede:

A lot of movies have twists. Some of these twists will cause you to nod your head and say, "Well done, sir" or "Good show."

Just in: Silvio Berlusconi was facepunched at a rally in Milan. He was seen being taken to the hospital; his mouth was bleeding, no word on his condition. A man's been arrested. Update: There's now video of the hit.

BigLips Lohan's claim of rescuing Indian children? Notsomuch. A Christmas tree at Hotel Griffou takes one for the team. Kardashians: God hates you. Halle Berry's still hot. And #servicey! Patti Smith: hotness. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup.

Tonight's episode of SNL—hosted by Taylor Lautner—featured a sketch in which Lautner played a foreign exchange student who performed in his middle school's show choir. And, boy's got moves. Some faaaabulous moves, actually. We're just sayin'. *Snaps*

Today: we college toured with Harry Potter, celebrated #indierockhanukkah, gifted, and told UTICA to suckit. Finishing a little late, here's your Open Thread. Saturday Night Live is on right now with Taylor Lautner. Commenters, get to it.

Dead or alive, you cannot escape the reach of the gift guide, telling you in magazines, newspapers, and especially websites to spend, spend, spend your money on shiny, pretty things you can't afford. Why must they do this to you?

Remember Bob Geldof's 1984 superstar-stacked "Do They Know It's Christmas?" track released to benefit Live Aid Ethiopia? Everyone was on it. U2, Queen, Phil Collins, Sting, etc. Well, the epic indie rock version is here. And it kicks the original's ass.

Eugene Mirman is a legend of the alternative comedy scene. Here he fires off his short stories and one liners before opening into his longer bits about being confronted by a kid with aspergers and writing letters to crappy airlines.

Upsetting: A tipster tells us that the bedridden New York Daily News' longtime photo editor Mike Lipack got word that he was being fired from the NYDN "after stepping on [Editor-In-Chief] Martin Dunn's dick one too many times." Eegh. Updated!

Man, the not-at-all-racist New York Post can't get enough of the Times Square gunman the NYPD shot dead when he started firing a MAC-10 in Times Square. He could've killed people? Meh, says the Post. But: a thug-life gangsta rapper?!